Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Traditional church wedding or destination wedding?

My family (on my dads side) is very strict about tradition. Hole I started wedding planning, it I beginning to get not only overwhelming but expensive! I'm starting to think that maybe instead of pleasing my dads side, my soon to be husband and I sould put our money into a destination wedding, and invite our parents and siblings along. Has anyone done this? Dd you love I or regret it?

Re: Traditional church wedding or destination wedding?

  • Yeah there were some typos that were hard to figure out... but I think I got the jist.

    I wanted a DW but I felt like my FI and I had to pay for part of our guest's expenses because we didn't want people we loved to not be able to come because of money. Well my family is big and very close, so I couldn't leave anyone out. Next thing I knew there were 20 guests... NOT in our budget.
    So we are doing the traditional thing, and allowing more family and friends to come enjoy the day with us.
    There are great ways to make a traditional wedding inexpensive. Make a budget for everything (flowers, dress, food, etc) and go from there. If your total is too high, make priorities.

    Go on the budget weddings board and click on past posts to get ideas and get questions answered... then decide if it's worth it or the DW is.
  • I get the feeling you typed this on a phone. 

    Planning a wedding can be overwhelming, but keep in mind that planning a destination wedding might well be more difficult.  Not only are you planning a ceremony and reception, you're planning it long distance.  My wedding is going to be just 6 hours away (not a DW, it's in my hometown where all the friends and family are, FI and I are away in grad school), and even that is a headache so far.  They can also get expensive fast, just like any other wedding. 

    If you and your FI sit down and imagien a destination wedding, including the fact that many loved ones will probably be unable to go, and that's ok with you, go for it.  If you need a wedding surrounded by your friends and family, stick closer to home. 
  • We did a destination wedding.  I wasn't too keen on planning on a big wedding.  We picked an awesome hotel in Bermuda that had a coordinator and did many many weddings.  I'm a simple girl: the coordinator picked the florist, muscians, hair/make up and minister.  I told her what I wanted and she got it done.  All in all, it was really easy.

    However, we both have small immediate families and our wedding was 12 people total.  If you can't run numbers like that, it might be easier to have a hometown wedding.

    Really, if you are paying for this shindig, the type of wedding is up to you.
  • DW are not just for small families.  We did a DW--even though it wasn't the Caribbean or anything, it was the Outer Banks, NC--it was still a destination given that people had to take time from work and travel to our wedding.  We both have large families--very large!

    We had a wonderful week at the beach with our families, some that we hadn't seen in years, so it gave everyone an opportunity catch up and the memories and laughs we made during that week are absolutely priceless!  Some family & friends even kidded around with us by "thanking" us for choosing a DW at the beach, b/c it gave them a chance to get away for a long weekend.

    You have to do what is in YOUR heart of hearts.  I understand that respecting your fathers side of the family is important to you, but if you and FI really want to do a DW, then you have some decisions to make.

     

  • **why are all of my posts showing up like this?  Damn you wonky Knot!  ;)

     

  • I'm curious what traditions your father's family is insisting on that's causing your budget to expand?

    If they're not helping to pay for the wedding, they really have no business "insisting" on anything. While trying to accomodate guests and make close family happy is important, it really is your day and about what makes you and your FI happy and what the two of you can afford.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_traditional-church-wedding-or-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:9d0d8e01-e30b-4991-aa32-0b386713c828Post:6ebc89e2-d888-41f0-8a32-ff35b38ed077">Re: Traditional church wedding or destination wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm curious what traditions your father's family is insisting on that's causing your budget to expand? If they're not helping to pay for the wedding, they really have no business "insisting" on anything. While trying to accomodate guests and make close family happy is important, it really is your day and about what makes you and your FI happy and what the two of you can afford.
    Posted by pattib5[/QUOTE]

    I'm curious about this to.

    H and I did a private DW. We invited a couple friends and H's immediate family but for financial reasons no one was able to come. My family still isn't really talking to me but I wasn't close to them anyways and they probably wouldn't have been invited if we had had a local wedding so it's no skin off my butt.  In the end our wedding day was absolutely perfect and neither of us would change a thing. 
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  • Ditto, if you are paying for the wedding you and your fiance can do whatever is pleasing to the two of you.  In my case I wanted a small destination type wedding with just parents and siblings, and fiance wanted the hometown wedding with more guests.  If you want to keep it small you have every right to do so and people will be more understanding than you think, if anyone's disappointed that's their problem, not yours.
    Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.
  • edited February 2012
    Your situation sounds like mine. We decided to have a "destination" wedding in the city we met (4 hours from my family, 2 hours from his). This caused some friction for my mom, who said the groom is supposed to follow the bride and her family. If my mom had her way, and we had it there, the guest list would have been doubled, and those distant cousins (whom I've never met!) would be more likely to come. The wedding was no longer mine. We decided to plan a wedding we could afford, and do it our way. We're not being unreasonable, so I think people will get over it. Plan it your way and you won't have regrets. It sounds like you have some thinking to do!
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