MY BM IS MAKING ME WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!

Bluegummiebears101108 · May 2012

I have a MOH and 1 BM.. My BM lives in FL and she bought her dress while she was up here. We picked it up for her and a couple of months ago when she was visiting she didn't try it on or even take it home with her. Now I am asking her what day she will be up in august so I can make a plan and find her a hotel and stuff. She just keeps telling me "IDK.... I need to save money." or "IDK.... do you need to know now?" my favorite is when she avoids the question. She thinks she can just wait until the last minute to tell me when she will be here. She also got upset because she has to pay for her makeup and a hotel room for the weekend ( well half the cost she will share one with my sister who is MOH). She is my cousin and we have always been really close, but she is driving me F'ING NUTS!!!!! I don't know what to say to her to get her to understand that this isn't something that you can keep putting off. If she doesn't have the money then she should have just told me that and I wouldn't have planned for her to be in the wedding she should have just said sorry I can't afford it so I can't be a BM. I would have understood. I was talking to her tonight and asked her if she wanted me to send her, her dress and she said "Why?" UMMMMMMM IT HAS TO BE ALTERED! She thinks she can do it a few days before the wedding! she now is ignoring me.
The worst part is, She is getting married in December and I am in her wedding myself and I am not taking a honeymoon ( well just a little weekend in a hotel about 15 mins from us the weekend after the wedding ) so I can be there for her for a week. I am using all of my vacation time. I am taking only 2 days before my wedding and going back to work on Monday. She of all people should know how stressful this is and how important it is to have a plan. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahhhhh feel alot better it is nice to vent

lmskowronski · May 2012

Why does she have to pay for her makeup?

ohnoitskaroljo · May 2012

Aww that sucks! I hope she gets her crap together for you soon!

Bluegummiebears101108 · May 2012

She would have to pay for it if you wants her makeup done by the makeup artist that I am going to hire. She can do her own if she would like. My MOH and our Best "man" ( its a girl ) are also paying for their own makeup if they want to get it done.

Sunshine811 · May 2012

I'm sorry you're going through this, that really stinks and I don't have a lot of advice, except that if it were me, I would mail the dress to her, and then send her a text/email that it was sent and she should take it to a local dress store to be altered. in the same text/email you can explain that you would like to know when she is coming up so you can plan something fun for you and her to do pre-wedding (takes the focus off of "wedding" and on her, which might give her motivation to tell you.) I would also explain that you understand if she having financial difficulty and be understanding and empathetic while getting the point across that you need to focus on your to do!

Also, I had one major thought regarding your whole story... I would definitely NOT plan on going back to work the Monday after the wedding. I have had a few friends do this and majorly regret it! You will be very exhausted from what I here. I would strongly suggest you take 2 of your days from the week to help your BM and change it to 2 days after the wedding, or at least 1! YOu will be happy!

Good luck with everything!

Bluegummiebears101108 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_my-bm-is-making-me-want-to-scream?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:d1801484-f3c7-4bc3-9502-b6fd2a7f7e0fPost:0546d308-b247-44fa-bbab-606b0dcae642">Re: MY BM IS MAKING ME WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry you're going through this, that really stinks and I don't have a lot of advice, except that if it were me, I would mail the dress to her, and then send her a text/email that it was sent and she should take it to a local dress store to be altered. in the same text/email you can explain that you would like to know when she is coming up so you can plan something fun for you and her to do pre-wedding (takes the focus off of "wedding" and on her, which might give her motivation to tell you.) I would also explain that you understand if she having financial difficulty and be understanding and empathetic while getting the point across that you need to focus on your to do! Also, I had one major thought regarding your whole story... I would definitely NOT plan on going back to work the Monday after the wedding. I have had a few friends do this and majorly regret it! You will be very exhausted from what I here. I would strongly suggest you take 2 of your days from the week to help your BM and change it to 2 days after the wedding, or at least 1! YOu will be happy! Good luck with everything!
Posted by Sunshine811[/QUOTE]

Thank you I am going to try to talk to her again. I will just send the dress to her and just let her know that she needs to take it for alterations. I want to so badly to take time off from work that monday. But my vactaions have already been approved and I can't change them :( Maybe I will take a sick day * cough cough* :)

rungirl12 · May 2012

Honestly, I think you should let her worry about her problems. Don't put stress on yourself over things you can't control. Let her be a big girl and make plans on her own time - if that means waiting until the last minute and paying more to book it, then so be it. As for the dress, if she wants it to fit goofy and doesn't care about alterations, then you have to let it be. I have a BM that is at least 30lbs too heavy for her dress and I just wrote it off in my mind as NOT my problem. I tried to persuade her at the time of ordering and she refused, so she can deal with it. If it means dropping out, then that's a really sorry friend in both your case and mine (dropping out due to lack of planning).

MY BM IS MAKING ME WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!

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