POLL: Did you/would you sell your own jack and jill tickets?

daniellelmilczak · January 2011

OK, so my cousin/bridesmaid is saying my FI and I should NOT sell tickets to our own jack and jill because it's tacky. FI knows a LOT of people that his GM don't know (work, car clubs, etc), and I have people I know (current job, past job) that my BMs don't know. So I'm looking for feedback - should we or should we not sell tickets to our own jack and jill?

calindi · January 2011

This is really tacky. Sorry, but you really need to think about this from someone else's viewpoint. Selling tickets? Seriously? That's like... throwing yourselves a party and asking people to pay for it. So your friends are going to hear, "Hey, I want to do this great big party with a party bus and it's going to be super expensive, so you'll have to pay $50 just to hang out with me."

It's really poor etiquette to throw yourselves any party (bachelorette, showers, engagement party, etc.) It is asking your friends and family to spend money on things for you, whether it be gifts or a rented limo for the bachelorette party. What is proper is to have a friend volunteer to host it - whether it's your BMs or a friend, that's fine, but it's not really considered okay to throw a party for yourself. (That's something I didn't realize before hanging out on TK, but it makes a lot of sense). If they need help knowing who to invite, you can totally provide them with a list of names and contact information.

Then the person who is throwing the party figures out what they can afford, and what anyone else who VOLUNTEERS to help pay can afford. And then you go with that budget to create the event. They can ask people if they're willing to pitch in, but it's just really "gimme gimme" to dictate how much they have to pay to party with you.

To be honest, if someone asked me to buy a ticket to their party, I'd turn them down, and would probably judge them pretty severely. You know how you were criticizing people who send Evites for invitations? This would be wayyyyy worse, in my opinion.

Maryd68 · January 2011

I have to say.... I agree w/calindi..... and I second her; this is worst than the evite invitations....

M-

SillyLGoose · January 2011

I agree. Tacky. It would be o.k. to give the hosts the names, adresses, email adresses, phone numbers, etc. to contact those you would think would be interested. Your involvement ends there.

starrbuk13 · January 2011

i voted no. but to qualify my answer...with something like a jack & jill, i really think it depends on your social circle. personally, i can't stand the idea of jack & jills...i think the entire concept is tacky. (if you need to sell tickets to a party to pay for your wedding, you need to just have a less expensive wedding.) BUT i understand that in some families and social circles, they are the norm.

generally, i'd say never sell your own jack & jill tickets, have friends do it for you. and like some PPs said, you can always give them the list of people to contact. however, if it is normal for your friends & family to sell their own jack & jill tickets, then i could see it. just be VERY selective about who you and your FI approach about tickets, especially employers or coworkers. if someone at my office came to me and tried selling me a ticket to her own jack & jill, i'd most certainly decline the offer and think she was rude.

you also may want to go ask the E board this question...girls from areas where jack & jills are more common may have different answers for you.

daniellelmilczak · January 2011

I appreciate all the above (brutal) honesty! I told my girls to plan away. I'll give them contact info for people at work, current and past.

calindi · January 2011

Wait, I thought a "Jack and Jill" was a joint bachelor/bachelorette party... it's a party to raise money for the wedding?

Yeah, that's really tacky in general. If it's normal among your social circle, I can understand why you didn't question it as an okay thing to do, but I'd second the person who said if you can't afford your wedding without hitting up your friends for money, then you need to plan a cheaper wedding.

Thank you for coming back and gracefully accepting the criticism. I totally understand how we sort of stick our heads in the sand on some things that we just accept as normal without questioning it, and it's easy to get defensive when someone criticizes that idea.

calindi · January 2011

I would also really, REALLY suggest you NOT ask the Etiquette board this question, as another girl suggested. They'll tear you a new one. While what I said may have been blunt, they'll just be mean.

Whippet8 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_poll-did-youwould-sell-own-jack-jill-tickets?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:74ae5a26-2fa8-4fad-8b50-56aa4811943ePost:8b00eec9-a65a-4be4-89b8-43629fc963de">Re: POLL: Did you/would you sell your own jack and jill tickets?</a>:
[QUOTE]i voted no. but to qualify my answer...with something like a jack & jill, i really think it depends on your social circle. personally, i can't stand the idea of jack & jills...i think the entire concept is tacky. (if you need to sell tickets to a party to pay for your wedding, you need to just have a less expensive wedding.) BUT i understand that in some families and social circles, they are the norm. generally, i'd say never sell your own jack & jill tickets, have friends do it for you. and like some PPs said, you can always give them the list of people to contact. however, if it is normal for your friends & family to sell their own jack & jill tickets, then i could see it. just be VERY selective about who you and your FI approach about tickets, especially employers or coworkers. if someone at my office came to me and tried selling me a ticket to her own jack & jill, i'd most certainly decline the offer and think she was rude. you also may want to go ask the E board this question...girls from areas where jack & jills are more common may have different answers for you.
Posted by starrbuk13[/QUOTE]

totally agree.

FWIW, I'm not a huge fan of jack and jills where tickets are sold as a fundraiser. I was once invited to a jack and jill for a college roommate. she invited me, and told me how much it was. I wasn't invited to the wedding. I definitely looked at her differently after that.

rosiereal · January 2011

I dont understand whats so wrong with a jacknjill or and other fundraiser type , i have cuzin that done from bake sell to jake n jills to raise money you r not stealing u r selling a product weather its cake or a party, i would go to a jack n jill eat, drink and party same thing as a night out and why not help a friend out while im at it, well this is all new to me maybe its wrong but if you can pull it off why not go for it.. good luck with everything

p.s. sorry i really dont know whats proper or not but i guess i see things differently

calindi · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_poll-did-youwould-sell-own-jack-jill-tickets?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:74ae5a26-2fa8-4fad-8b50-56aa4811943ePost:d8aee973-1f4a-4552-b21d-bd38c036540c">Re: POLL: Did you/would you sell your own jack and jill tickets?</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont understand whats so wrong with a jacknjill or and other fundraiser type , i have cuzin that done from bake sell to jake n jills to raise money you r not stealing u r selling a product weather its cake or a party, i would go to a jack n jill eat, drink and party same thing as a night out and why not help a friend out while im at it, well this is all new to me maybe its wrong but if you can pull it off why not go for it.. good luck with everything p.s. sorry i really dont know whats proper or not but i guess i see things differently
Posted by rosiereal[/QUOTE]

Here's where I see the difference between a baked sale and a fundraiser - you're selling a product, not hitting your friends up for money. If you can't afford your wedding on your own, then by all means figure out a way to earn that money. Have a yard sale, take on a part time job, babysit for friends. All of those are fantastic options! The difference is you'd be providing a service or a product to people in general, not just guilting your friends into coming to a party so they can finance your wedding.

How would you feel if one of your friends had her birthday coming up, so she asked you to buy a ticket to come to a pre-birthday dinner so she could afford to rent out a club for her birthday? You'd probably think she should just have the party she could afford, because you know you'll also be expected to give her a gift if you go to this birthday party. Double dipping the same people's pockets.

It's not stealing - it's putting your friends and family in an uncomfortable situation of being pressured to pay for your wedding. That's not right. When your wedding should be a party that you throw for your family and friends - if you can't afford a big one, don't have one. I know a girl who is having a 300 person wedding on $5,000 and I bet it will be beautiful based on the care and attention she's put into making her guests happy. Sure, she won't have an expensive DJ or photographer, but if your friends and family really wanted to pay for those things, they'd offer.

daniellelmilczak · January 2011

I again appreciate the above comments/constructive criticism, but I feel like I must explain why we're having a jack and jill. It's not because we can't afford our wedding, because we can. It's because I don't want a bridal shower - my Fiancee and I have lived together for 3 years in a home we own, so I have no need for dishes, towels, and the like. Also, FI doesn't want a stag. So we both agreed we'd like a jack and jill - a night to get together w/ friends and family to have drinks and dinner and music and whatever. So this got me to thinking, most brides have a bridal shower, so what's really the difference between inviting all the women who are coming to your wedding to a shower where they're going to shell out money for a gift, and they can eat and chat, and inviting people to a party which they buy a ticket for for $20, and get to eat and chat? In theory, I don't see much difference, just in the style of the party and the fact that both guys and gals will be there. Many couples in my (large) family have had jack and jills and no one's said anything about not liking the party or the idea. So while I've heeded the above advice to let the BMs and GM to do the planning (well, we all know the women will do the planning and the guys will mostly just show up), inviting, and executing, I don't think there's a problem with having a jack and jill generally.

POLL: Did you/would you sell your own jack and jill tickets?

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