Sorry Another Long FMIL Vent!

Re: Sorry Another Long FMIL Vent!

• jesslimax

  

  February 2012

  Has your FI tried to ask her for the list or talking to her? I mean, it is HIS mother so he should step up and start talking if he already hasn't. Maybe you really need to confront her face-to-face and give her a specific date that she needs to give you the list by, otherwise no more people will be added.

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• saraschilling88

  

  February 2012

  This is a tough situation for you!!  I hope you and your FMIL are able to communicate better with the guest list soon! 
  
  I had asked my parents, and my FI's parents (my FFIL and FMIL are divorced, and my FFIL's parents are divorced as well) for lists back in November, and still have not received the list from his Dad's Dad.  I got very frustrated a few weeks back and asked his Dad again if his dad/stepmom had figured out a list, he said maybe I should just call (this was mid-January, 2 months after I originally asked).  I asked my FI to call (it's his grandparents, and I had contacted everyone else including his Mom and his Dad's Mom), and he FINALLY called tonight after seeing how stressed I was about the guest list (and realized that we were only waiting on this last list).
  
  I thought maybe sharing what I did would help you??  I agree with PP that I would have your FI talk to his Mom about the extra guests, and if you don't have room for "Plus Ones" (which can add up quickly I know) I would have him stress that point with her. 
  
  One other idea, ask her for a Christmas Card list!!  That is what my Mom, FMIL, and FGIL (future grandmother in law) did for us!!  That way she should already have a list ready, and maybe just have to copy it for you??  Just a thought!!

  

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• lk&dparker

  

  February 2012

  Thanks Ladies! appreciate all the advice! really i do! Both of our parents are divorced! so everything is just all over the place as far as whos who and stuff. I have my family figured out its just his family I am stressing over.
  
   We both have asked her for the list. I had a serious talk with my FI last night just letting him know that I still have not gotten your southern family's list and that I am not waiting forever, so if I had to finalize the list without it TOUGH CRAP! lol he was fine with it because he is frustrated with the lack of excitement with us too. And i told him that not everyone gets a plus one either, he was fine with that too because we are footing the bill!
  
  I also told him not to talk to ANYONE about our wedding details (not that they would ask) until it seems lilke they are actually interested. Were both super frustrated with how everyone is reacting to our wedding which is supposed to be special for us...
  
  Thanks again for all the tips!!
  

  

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• [Deleted User]

  

  February 2012

  Sometime I have to remind myself that our wedding is just one day - and I'm going to spend the rest of my life interacting with my FI family!  So even when they do something that makes me mad/frusterated (mostly to do with not being excited or making things difficult for my FI), I try not to do or say anything that I'll regret five years from now.  

  
  

  I know it's not easy, but I'd say try to work through this with your FMIL.  You say "we" are paying for the bill, but that we includes your fiance so his family should be invited if he wants them there.  I completely understand you wanting to cut the guest list though, I almost had a heart attack when my mom gave me addresses for 91 family members and 42 family friends!!  I'd say, have a conversation with her that isn't emotionally driven and just explain that you really need the addresses so you can create a budget/save the dates/etc, and if there is not enough room, that you will have to work together to cut the list to something you're comfortable with. 

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• lk&dparker

  

  February 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_sorry-another-long-fmil-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:372d3699-e410-40a1-9054-69d87234a4eePost:0407187a-f8c3-4a92-a3ef-9242ac42be71">Re: Sorry Another Long FMIL Vent!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Sometime I have to remind myself that our wedding is just one day - and I'm going to spend the rest of my life interacting with my FI family!  So even when they do something that makes me mad/frusterated (mostly to do with not being excited or making things difficult for my FI), I try not to do or say anything that I'll regret five years from now.   I know it's not easy, but I'd say try to work through this with your FMIL.  You say "we" are paying for the bill, but that we includes your fiance so his family should be invited if he wants them there.  I completely understand you wanting to cut the guest list though, I almost had a heart attack when my mom gave me addresses for 91 family members and 42 family friends!!  I'd say, have a conversation with her that isn't emotionally driven and just explain that you really need the addresses so you can create a budget/save the dates/etc, and if there is not enough room, that you will have to work together to cut the list to something you're comfortable with. 
  Posted by bhomann[/QUOTE]
  
  That is really great advice, that is where I kind of am now. I know she will be my MIL and I dont want to do something that will make our relationship "awkward" later on.
  
   It's not even the amount of guest she keeps talking about inviting its just the fact that I have yet to get this list of extra family and friends. I am trying to keep on track with planning and this is holding me up and stressing me out.
  
  Thanks for the advice I appreciate it <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

  

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