Not sure if this post belongs here, but i need help!

kne3003 · November 2010

My fiance and I have our wedding planned for 9/16/11 but have started to think we want to get married earlier, like within a month. We still want to have our big wedding next September, but want to have a small intimate ceremony with just immediate family. Is that wrong? We do not live together because it goes against what we believe and if we get married i can get rid of my place and save so much more money and put that towards the big wedding next year. We love each other and do not want to wait. Should we go ahead and do it?
Please leave your thoughts. Thank you!

Kristin789 · November 2010

You really have two choices:
1. Stay separated until your big wedding in Sept. 2011
2. Have an intimate holiday wedding in Dec 2010

There really isn't a choice that lets you marry in Dec 2010 *and* Sept 2011.
See below:
http://www.featurebank.com/?title=Samples:Miss%20Manners

Kristin789 · November 2010

Oh, and I'll add that I would suggest that you choose to get married in the intimate holiday wedding of 2010. We planned our wedding (25 people attending, including FI and me) in a month, and it was just perfect for us. We didn't deal with any of the hassles of a big wedding and long engagement.

redheadtmk · November 2010

having both seems greedy to me. it comes across as if you just want presents when you have two weddings. either have one wedding w/ everyone or an intimate wedding with close friends and family. i would probably not go to the second wedding if i was invited and new you were already married.

waltzingmatilda13 · November 2010

The day you get married is the day you get married, end of story. If you get married in a month, you can't have a big wedding next year unless you get divorced first, because you will already BE married!

SuMmErKuTiE · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_not-sure-this-post-belongs-here-but-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d0c059a4-5398-4bf2-82b3-f495667dc812Post:09fe25cc-2eb2-4104-b8d5-e33e6f052902">Re: Not sure if this post belongs here, but i need help!</a>:
[QUOTE]The day you get married is the day you get married, end of story. If you get married in a month, you can't have a big wedding next year unless you get divorced first, because you will already BE married!
Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

Ditto this 100%

I've never understood why people would do this...

Heather Wood · November 2010

I would wait to have the wedding you always dreamed about. You might regret missing your big day. But it is your wedding so do what you want to do. Talk to your close family and friends and see what they think too. But really it's your day, do what makes you happy.

trix1223 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_not-sure-this-post-belongs-here-but-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d0c059a4-5398-4bf2-82b3-f495667dc812Post:55e6aad0-a678-43ae-bacc-05398e558bd6">Re: Not sure if this post belongs here, but i need help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the big wedding later looks like a tacky do-over anytime anyone does it - for any reason (and spare me the "military couple" excuse....it's a "we're owed this" regardless of how you look at it). Have a wedding now, or wait until you can afford it.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

^^ This, totally this ^^

chambedc · November 2010

I say do it. There's a difference between having a small private wedding and a big one. I would say that you'd have to celebrate the first small wedding as your anniversary, and then the second is really just a ceremony for the rest of the people. It's your wedding, it's you getting married.

bdriley · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_not-sure-this-post-belongs-here-but-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d0c059a4-5398-4bf2-82b3-f495667dc812Post:cca3a1c3-b249-4a22-8e4b-2d1f3ef6c553">Not sure if this post belongs here, but i need help!</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have our wedding planned for 9/16/11 but have started to think we want to get married earlier, like within a month. We still want to have our big wedding next September, but want to have a small intimate ceremony with just immediate family. Is that wrong? We do not live together because it goes against what we believe and if we get married i can get rid of my place and save so much more money and put that towards the big wedding next year. We love each other and do not want to wait. Should we go ahead and do it? Please leave your thoughts. Thank you!
Posted by kne3003[/QUOTE]

You don't believe in living together before marriage but you believe in trying to dupe your guests into attending a mock wedding. If finances are the issue, then live together while not married and accept the fact that some are going to judge you for it. If you get married earlier and have a redo ceremony later then you have to again accept the fact that some people are going to judge you.

ckonidak · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_not-sure-this-post-belongs-here-but-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:d0c059a4-5398-4bf2-82b3-f495667dc812Post:09fe25cc-2eb2-4104-b8d5-e33e6f052902">Re: Not sure if this post belongs here, but i need help!</a>:
[QUOTE]The day you get married is the day you get married, end of story. If you get married in a month, you can't have a big wedding next year unless you get divorced first, because you will already BE married!
Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

This. 100%.

I understand where you're coming from, and why you may or may not want to move up your date, but please be realistic. If you only want toget married once, DO IT ONLY ONCE. Don't be one of those girls that comes off as selfish by having a Do-Over wedding where you invite more people.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

Oh my god..... I don't think I can take much more of the opinions of the women here. Such wedding nazis! At this point I'm not sure why I keep visiting.

It's good that you want to find out what other people think about your idea but maybe you should just be asking the people in your life, the ones you are inviting to your wedding. There is no law that says you must do anything and if people you don't even know think it's tacky, that's their problem.

If you want to be legally married early for financial, medical, housing or whatever reasons, that's your business. I wouldn't suggest hiding that you're already married from anyone but if your big wedding is already planned then do what makes the most sense for you! And if anyone fusses at you just tell them it's a vow renewal. Sheesh!

Also keep in mind that you don't have to wear white, you don't have to invite anyone you don't want and you don't need a 7 foot tall cake for it to be your big day.

heyimbren · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_not-sure-this-post-belongs-here-but-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:d0c059a4-5398-4bf2-82b3-f495667dc812Post:fab1213f-4928-401c-b554-664cab4c8e14">Re: Not sure if this post belongs here, but i need help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh my god..... I don't think I can take much more of the opinions of the women here. Such wedding nazis! At this point I'm not sure why I keep visiting. It's good that you want to find out what other people think about your idea but maybe you should just be asking the people in your life, the ones you are inviting to your wedding. There is no law that says you must do anything and if people you don't even know think it's tacky, that's their problem. If you want to be legally married early for financial, medical, housing or whatever reasons, that's your business. I wouldn't suggest hiding that you're already married from anyone but if your big wedding is already planned then do what makes the most sense for you! And if anyone fusses at you just tell them it's a vow renewal. Sheesh! Also keep in mind that you don't have to wear white, you don't have to invite anyone you don't want and you don't need a 7 foot tall cake for it to be your big day.
Posted by AstridRose[/QUOTE]

Am I the only one who gets offended when people start throwing the word "Nazis" around when it isn't in the proper context?

If you're not sure why you keep visiting, then don't keep visiting. Problem solved!

I think the main point here was that you can't have TWO weddings. A wedding is where you get married, and you can only get married once unless you get divorced in between. A reception is a party which is for the guests who attended the wedding. That's the idea.

kdianehansen · November 2010

Do what makes you happy.. If its for religious reasons that you are not living together, then who are we to say anything about moving in before marriage! It keeps the family peace.
I would suggest keep it to immediate family for the first and then do a vow renewal for the big one!
I have friends that got married at city hall first and then had the big wedding a year later!

scillawtp7 · November 2010

Are religous at all? I say have a civil ceremony in December, and then have a religous marriage next year.... but couldn't you do it on your anniversary??? I mean are you really going to reset your anniversary? But As long as it's low key and intamite, I don't see anything wrong with havine a celebration a year later... or 5 LOL. But I won't call it a wedding. I would more say come and celebrate our marrige/anniversary. Or whatever.

Many couples actually say they can't afford a big wedding now, so they'll have one later, but most don't because they figure they are married, and why do they want to spend all that money on a party celebrating their marriage. It doesn't change anything, it just costs a whole lot of money.
But since you are asking.... I don't see anything wrong with having a party, and if you choose a religous ceremony a year later... but I would think it's werid to choose 9/16/11.... just because that's no where near your anniversary.

palegirl146 · November 2010

You know what I think would be really neat? If you got married now, and then did a renewal of vows on your 1 year anniversary. That way there is still a ceremony when you want it, but you can still have a celebration with your friends. Of course, some people won't be as thrilled because it is not your actual wedding, but your real friends want to celebrate with you. I was really disappointed when one of my close friends decided to elope and did it quickly (for health insurance reasons) and I didn't get to witness. If she threw a party now, it would feel weird, but if she did a renewal of vows, I would definitely be excited! Let us know what you end up choosing!

annie6672 · December 2010

I've heard of people eloping and then throwing a reception when they get back months later Is that what you meant?

Not sure if this post belongs here, but i need help!

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