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Etiquette

Update on my sister

I wanted to come back and give you all an update, but, you guys, I'm SO DISAPPOINTED I'm going to lose out on my TK Father of the Year award to psychodad a few threads below. Totally crushed.

My sister is now officially moved in with us. We had her stay over the weekend, as someone had suggested, and it worked out perfectly, just as we knew it would. She said she wanted to move in ASAP, but didn't want to deal with our mother. I called my mom and told her what the deal was, and got off the phone before she could pitch a fit. I (stupidly) had my sister tag along when I went to pick up the rest of her stuff, thinking it would make life easier to know exactly what I was supposed to pack.

We went to the house when my parents weren't home to get packed, but my mother came home before we left. I had my sister get in the car, but not before mom was able to scream some really terrible sh!t, and basically threaten to sue her and have the child taken away. I've told my sister that absolutely cannot happen, there's nothing our mother can do, but she's still pretty rattled. At least she's out!

Re: Update on my sister

  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I'm glad your sister moved in with you. It'll be better for her. And so sorry about your mom. She seems to be getting nuttier.
  • Yay!!!!!!!! Well, for the first part.

    And for the second, is there some counseling that they can go to? Maybe do one or two sessions together? Your mother obviously needs some and you sis might need some too, especially after that incident. Not that they should go tomorrow, but maybe in a few months when tensions are a teeny bit tamer.

    Out of curiosity, did she say "I'll sue you because x"? Because I want to know what X is.
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  • Im happy your sister moved in with you! That was the best choice I think.

    Why would your mom sue her and take the baby away? Shes not a child. I believe you said she is 21 right? She has nothing to worry about.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    God bless you, your wife, your sis, and her future child.
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    I've been following your story.

    I just have to say, you are an excellent brother.

    Without trying to sound patronizing or condescending, it is a credit to you as a person that you have turned out so with such a crazy family.

    I agree with Syd that some counseling may be in order.  I wish you all the best of luck.

     

  • I think your mom needs counseling. She doesn't seem to think straight. I'm SO glad your sister is now in a safe and loving environment, for her and for the baby.

    Groom are you and your Wife expecting as well? I think you posted on the thread below about being a father soon. :) If so, Congratulations. You'll be an awesome dad.
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    So glad to hear everything is working out for the best.  You are a saint.
    I french with my man
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  • That's great news that she moved in with you. My father was raised in a household with his aunt and uncle, plus his father, and having extra loving adults around was a huge blessing. 

    I encourage you and your sister to document all contact with your mother, save any voicemails, emails etc. She might not have a case to take away the baby, but that doesn't mean she won't try and make your lives a living hell in the process. The best thing you can do is create a loving home for the baby, and make sure you keep every single piece of evidence you might ever need to keep your mother from winning Grandparent rights. I would probably contact a family law lawyer as a precautionary measure, just so you are prepared if anything does happen. 

    Best of luck!
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm glad that your sister is out of there.  That's a huge relief!!!!
  • I agree with daria's advice, you (your sister, really) may want to take a few precautions to make sure that your mom can't get anywhere if she actually tries to sue.  Wow, I can't believe she would threaten such a thing.  It sounds like your mom has some serious mental issues going on, possibly even a serious illness.  Maybe someone on better speaking terms can encourage her to seek psychiatric help.

    Thank you for the update!  I'm very happy things are working out so well, and that you and your wife are offering a sane and happy home for your sister and her baby.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Awesome!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Thank you all for your advice and support, not just through this, but through my wedding, as well. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't posted here--truly. 

    My mom didn't have anything in particular to sue about, it was more of a hovering threat that one day she would sue so she could get the baby. I saw mom walk in the door, told sister to go out the back door, get in my car, and lock the doors. My mom full on chased her, screaming that she won't know what to do with the baby, she's too selfish to be a mother, and a bunch of other unhelpful, nasty comments. They got much worse than that. I pretty much told my mother that it isn't her problem and the way she is acting, she won't meet any of her grandkids, she tried to slap me across the face, and said she would sue my sister to get the baby back. I was already halfway out the door by that point (turned and started towards the door as soon as tried to slap me), but I told her she would have no grounds for that. 

    I agree that any further contact needs to be documented. That is a great idea.

    Mcda- yep, baby girl should be here in about 3 weeks! We're very excited.
  • Don't know about the laws in your state but in mine grandparents have NO rights. They are not even ALLOWED to adopt their grandchildren even when consent is given.
  • Oh my.  Your mother seems to get crazier and crazier as time goes on.  You sound like a great big brother for taking your sister in and making sure that your neice or nephew grows up in a stable home.
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  • She's got something going on, but there is no way she will ever seek help for it. She is one of those ridiculous people that believes therapy is for crazy people, and getting help is admitting that your crazy. She seems to be missing the fact that everyone is already aware that there is something wrong, and she is coming across as a lunatic. My father is really getting fed up, as well. She is about to find herself in the middle of a very rude awakening.
  • Yay. Very exciting time. The countdown begins.

    I'm glad you came here to vent and tell us about your mom so you don't have to bring the stress to your wife, sister, and unborn babies.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If your mom does attempt to sue, make sure that your lawyer requests your mom to have a physchological evaluation in her attempts to get visitiation (assuming that's what she would sue for).  And any documentation you have now of things that have happened will help be grounds for the courts to force the evaluation.  She may just give up on the quest when faced with this!

    Glad it is all going to work out! 
  • I was lurking over here for some advice on a bridal shower, but just wanted to add....if you think crazy mom will try anything at the hospital, please be sure to have sister let the hospital and nurses know that mom isn't allowed in- she can also check in privately so that the hospital won't confirm/deny she's admitted if your mom calls trying to find out.

    Also, most grandparent lawsuits for visitation are unsuccessful if both parents agree on the decision to keep grandparents away.  They don't have a legal right to visitation.  I think it's only been granted in cases of divorce or if a parent dies and the custodial parent tries to block the ILs from maintaining a relationship.

    Good luck to you all!
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  • In Response to Re: Update on my sister:
    [QUOTE]I was lurking over here for some advice on a bridal shower, but just wanted to add....if you think crazy mom will try anything at the hospital, please be sure to have sister let the hospital and nurses know that mom isn't allowed in- she can also check in privately so that the hospital won't confirm/deny she's admitted if your mom calls trying to find out. Also, most grandparent lawsuits for visitation are unsuccessful if both parents agree on the decision to keep grandparents away.  They don't have a legal right to visitation.  I think it's only been granted in cases of divorce or if a parent dies and the custodial parent tries to block the ILs from maintaining a relationship. Good luck to you all!
    Posted by 1026pumpkin[/QUOTE]

    Thank you so much for posting this. I had not even given any thought to this, and I'm sure my sister hasn't, either. She is considering the same place we have chosen to have our DD, so we will definitely ask them about her options at DW's appointment on Monday.
  • In Response to Re: Update on my sister:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Update on my sister : Thank you so much for posting this. I had not even given any thought to this, and I'm sure my sister hasn't, either. She is considering the same place we have chosen to have our DD, so we will definitely ask them about her options at DW's appointment on Monday.
    Posted by GroomNeedsAdvice[/QUOTE]
    Most maternity wards have awesome security in place.  Many require a list of "allowed" vsitors or have the parents issue special visitor bracelets to those allowed....staff are very well aware of crazy baby snatchers and crazy family that might just be disruptive, so you will likely get a lot of support at the hospital.  And it sounds like you'll need it!
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  • Yay : but just in case im almost positive this wont be a problem but there are grand parental rights usually its only when threshold no parent though.
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