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Issuing an apology....

nottheonlydreamer44nottheonlydreamer44
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in Not Engaged Yet
This is to the entire board - old, new, lurkers... whoever.

I apologize for bringing any drama that I have to the board. That was certainly not my original intention but it seems I may have stirred some people's pots a little too much. I am a level-headed, reasonable person (most of the time anyway) but I do have my bad days. I will not use my mental disorder as an excuse but it does play a factor in what and how I post things.

I came back to this board because I love the honesty and bluntness of the group. It has been mentioned by some that I am not "real" and that everything I say is some kind of cry for attention or basically a lie. I can 100% say that is not true. Everyone has issues and problems and just because I sometimes voice them on here doesn't mean I want sympathy or attention.

Sometimes, I just want a place to get my thoughts out without having to call up my GF's or sit and talk with FI. I like to ask questions of you ladies because we're all so different that I may gain a new perspective. Sorry if that is considered AW-ing.

There has been so much that has gone on lately in my personal life that I guess I needed a place outside of "real life" to put some of it. I'm sorry for offending anyone, annoying anyone, pissing anybody off or any other thing I have done to irritate those of you on this board. You either like me or you don't and that's the way it's always been for me.

I am not GBCK-ing - I just wanted to put it out there that I'm not some drama queen, bitch who needs constant validation. I think I've been respectful to everyone here and commented when I felt appropriate. If I still get on your nerves then I don't have an answer for you.

I appreciate all of you who have given me advice and listened to extremely personal experiences (and shared yours with me). Dammit, I just appreciate everyone!

That is all.

TGIF
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Re: Issuing an apology....

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    NarwhalNarwhal
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    edited December 2011
    It's okay. :)
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    PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
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    edited December 2011
    dontevenworryaboutit.

    yes, that's one word. =P

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    Button5807Button5807
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    edited December 2011
    No
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    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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    nottheonlydreamer44nottheonlydreamer44
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks Narwhal :)

    That means a lot coming from you!
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    GreenPepperBurgerGreenPepperBurger
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    edited December 2011
    I don't think an apology is necessary. In an international forum on the internet, not everyone is going to like what you have to say 100% of the time. Such is life. Best thing to do is just shrug your shoulders and move on. But I personally don't see anything wrong with you contributing on the board. You're OK in my book.
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    nottheonlydreamer44nottheonlydreamer44
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    GPB - I know what you mean I just know that I have offended some people and I didn't know if there were more I just wanted to cover all my bases so I am not setting myself up for some kind of civil lawsuit later. lol

    Everybody is OK in my book (well for the most part :)
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    **Mutley****Mutley**
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    edited December 2011

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    Button5807Button5807
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    edited December 2011

    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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    nottheonlydreamer44nottheonlydreamer44
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    edited December 2011
    Thank you Mutley and thank you Buttons.
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    desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_issuing-apology?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:059a3dd9-91a1-479c-b03d-d3f63cd38802Post:d93e6800-7428-4e49-9647-9f61fe911dcd">Issuing an apology....</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is to the entire board - old, new, lurkers... whoever. I apologize for bringing any drama that I have to the board. That was certainly not my original intention but it seems I may have stirred some people's pots a little too much. I am a level-headed, reasonable person (most of the time anyway) but I do have my bad days. I will not use my mental disorder as an excuse but it does play a factor in what and how I post things. I came back to this board because I love the honesty and bluntness of the group.<strong> It has been mentioned by some that I am not "real" and that everything I say is some kind of cry for attention or basically a lie. I can 100% say that is not true. Everyone has issues and problems and just because I sometimes voice them on here doesn't mean I want sympathy or attention. </strong>Sometimes, I just want a place to get my thoughts out without having to call up my GF's or sit and talk with FI. I like to ask questions of you ladies because we're all so different that I may gain a new perspective. Sorry if that is considered AW-ing. There has been so much that has gone on lately in my personal life that I guess I needed a place outside of "real life" to put some of it.<strong> I'm sorry for offending anyone, annoying anyone, pissing anybody off or any other thing I have done to irritate those of you on this board. You either like me or you don't and that's the way it's always been for me. </strong>I am not GBCK-ing - I just wanted to put it out there that I'm not some drama queen, bitch who needs constant validation. I think I've been respectful to everyone here and commented when I felt appropriate. If I still get on your nerves then I don't have an answer for you. I appreciate all of you who have given me advice and listened to extremely personal experiences (and shared yours with me). Dammit, I just appreciate everyone! That is all. TGIF
    Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]

    Okay, here's my issue: You say over and over how you don't need approval or validation. And then you apologize for being yourself.

    You say you like how blunt/honest we are, but you get defensive or upset when it's directed at you, and you turn around and attack people who question you or have a differing opinion. And then come back and apologize, or say now you see the point those posters were trying to get across.

    On the whole, the impression this creates, for me, is that you DO need validation and you DO want to be accepted on this board. It can also create an impression that you're fake.

    You might see it as airing your issues or sharing your experience. And I don't doubt that is genuinely what you think you're doing. But when so many others find your posts to be off-putting for whatever reason, you might consider that your intent is not reflected in how you express yourself. You might also consider that this is because your motivation is not really what you think it is.

    I don't dislike you. I just find you a little strange and off-putting, but I think the reason for a lot of that is that I think there are some deeper issues you need to work on. Your disorder or condition or whatever might be an underlying chemical issue, but medication isn't the only answer. Therapy, and working on yourself -- your self esteem, body image, and overall self worth, are VITAL to you being a whole and happy person, as is truly knowing yourself. I'm not convinced you really know yourself or are honest with yourself or even truly love yourself.

    People respect those who know themselves and have the courage to BE themselves without apology. Respect is the first step to developing relationships and "being liked." I think this is something you need to learn and practice.

    Just my 2...well, I guess that might count as 2 whole dollars and not just 2 cents. :)

    And nothing you can say is going to change my impression at this point, and I will not engage in an argument. I'm just putting my opinion out there. Take it or leave it, but I hope at least some of it is helpful to you.
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    loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
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    edited December 2011
    YGPM.  

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    nottheonlydreamer44nottheonlydreamer44
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Love2shop,

    Thank you Sealed **hugs**

    Desertsun:

    No argument to engage in here and I don't think I've truly engaged in one whatsoever. Defended myself maybe but flat out argued no. I also do not see where I've launched an attack on anyone but that's fine.

     I put the apology out not for who i am but for things that I said that people have told me have hurt/offended them in an offhanded way that I wasn't trying to do. I don't like to hurt people. That is all.

    Yes, I have body/self esteem issues. Yes I have a disorder. What I don't have is some deep desire to be "liked" here. I've been completely forthcoming about myself and who I am. If you don't like it or it's off-putting, then I'm sorry. Again my apology was not for that reason; I just know I've inadvertently upset certain people - I figured a blanket apology would suffice.

    I'm happy to hear anything someone has to say to me, I'm not going to explode and go off. If you (or anyone else) finds me off-putting or strange then that's on you. I'm 100% honest about myself - so that would have to mean I know who I am.

    I appreciate you taking the time to respond and for giving your opinion, I think that was respectful and nice and I can see some of your points. Thank you.
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    nottheonlydreamer44nottheonlydreamer44
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    edited December 2011

    love2shop

    YGPM

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    loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_issuing-apology?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:059a3dd9-91a1-479c-b03d-d3f63cd38802Post:be867ddf-ad82-43d2-a131-c11a02fff0ab">Re: Issuing an apology....</a>:
    [QUOTE]love2shop YGPM
    Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]

    <div>Tag!  You're it!  YGPM!</div>

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    desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Well, I have to say, I think you're kinda missing my point, and, call me conceited, I think it bears repeating. :)

    My point was that regardless of what YOU think you're doing or how you are TRYING to come across, others are getting a different impression. And I don't mean to speak for the whole board. I'm just saying what I think is happening for some people. Clearly you and Shoes hit it off. :) So, basically, just think about that.

    That's all. :)
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    AnneAndJJAnneAndJJ
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    YGPM
    He pretty much had me at "hello".
    -- PS I agree with whatever Jeana said --
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    dawnkathleendawnkathleen
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ok, i just started lurking so i have not been offended or anything by  you and look forward to becoming closer with everyone,..but now about ME!  can somebody please tell me what all your acronyms mean.. i know what a few mean... but im a newbie and lost!

    Thanks guys! Sorry!
    oh yea...and Happy Friday!!!! <3
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    chicka_bonita9chicka_bonita9
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_issuing-apology?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:059a3dd9-91a1-479c-b03d-d3f63cd38802Post:51950ecf-3ca1-438c-9a70-6c579606ce4f">Re: Issuing an apology....</a>:
    [QUOTE]ok, i just started lurking so i have not been offended or anything by  you and look forward to becoming closer with everyone,..but now about ME!  can somebody please tell me what all your acronyms mean.. i know what a few mean... but im a newbie and lost! Thanks guys! Sorry! oh yea...and Happy Friday!!!! <3
    Posted by dawnkathleen[/QUOTE]

    I suggest you see the Welcome post. It includes all the acronyms & a bunch of helpful tips!

    **EDIT** I just looked again & it does not offer acronyms BUT, the "FAQs" link on the left under "Community Links" does!
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    dawnkathleendawnkathleen
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ah-ha.. thanks that might be helpful..never been good at following directions! :) Thanks!
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    nottheonlydreamer44nottheonlydreamer44
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_issuing-apology?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:059a3dd9-91a1-479c-b03d-d3f63cd38802Post:5d3f0d19-320e-436c-b224-c8213e82f159">Re: Issuing an apology....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, I have to say, I think you're kinda missing my point, and, call me conceited, I think it bears repeating. :) My point was that regardless of what YOU think you're doing or how you are TRYING to come across, others are getting a different impression. And I don't mean to speak for the whole board. I'm just saying what I think is happening for some people. Clearly you and Shoes hit it off. :) So, basically, just think about that. That's all. :)
    Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

    I appreciate your clarification because it kind of sounded as if you were telling me I need to seek therapy because I don't know who I am; and that I say I don't need validation but then attack/get defensive when someone says something I don't like. Which baffled me a bit. 

    I respect and value everyone's opinions here even if I don't agree with them or find them annoying.  You gain respect by being respectful of others and being a good-hearted, kind person except when it's necessary to stand up for yourself or others.  

    I see your point and I will take that into consideration when I post. Again, I'm not apologizing for being <strong><em>who I am</em></strong>, I was apologizing for/if I upset people with the dress post especially. It makes no difference to me how I across to you or anyone else for that matter. I'm just here for the ride - but it does make a difference if someone is hurt by what I say. Do you see <em>my </em>point<em>?
    </em>
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    jeanacorinajeanacorina
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    edited December 2011
    Sometimes, the best thing you can do is leave things alone and let people get over it themselves. Bringing up things that caused drama USUALLY just creates more drama.

    That's just my experience.
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    nottheonlydreamer44nottheonlydreamer44
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry Jeana :)

    I didn't intend any drama at all - it was simply a blanket apology. No one actually even needed to respond. I just knew I had hurt someone's feelings and thought there may have been others.
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    jeanacorinajeanacorina
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    edited December 2011
    Yes, we get it. Now.... let it gooooooooo. Trust me on this.

    Laughing
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    **Mutley****Mutley**
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You didn't hurt anyone's feelings.    You offended some people.  You annoyed the crap out of others.  It's cool.  You are being who you are.  Nobody is asking you to change.  Just like you cannot ask others to change how they respond to you.  No need to apologize. 
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    desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_issuing-apology?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:059a3dd9-91a1-479c-b03d-d3f63cd38802Post:6061475a-6114-43a5-acb4-e7eed8358a10">Re: Issuing an apology....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Issuing an apology.... : I appreciate your clarification because <strong>it kind of sounded as if you were telling me I need to seek therapy because I don't know who I am; and that I say I don't need validation but then attack/get defensive when someone says something I don't like. </strong>Which baffled me a bit.  I respect and value everyone's opinions here even if I don't agree with them or find them annoying.  You gain respect by being respectful of others and being a good-hearted, kind person except when it's necessary to stand up for yourself or others.   I see your point and I will take that into consideration when I post. Again, I'm not apologizing for being who I am , I was apologizing for/if I upset people with the dress post especially. It makes no difference to me how I across to you or anyone else for that matter. I'm just here for the ride - but it does make a difference if someone is hurt by what I say. Do you see my point ?
    Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]

    Again, I'm not here to argue. But for the sake of accuracy: my clarification was an expansion on my first post. Not a retraction. The bolded portion seems to be pretty nearly an exact quote, and I stand by what I said originally.

    I also originally said to take or leave my opinions. That's all they are. Opinions from an e-stranger. I don't claim to be a therapist or mental health expert. And I don't know you. I'm sharing my impressions so that you can be aware that you're not always coming across the way you intend, and sharing an opinion on why that <strong>may</strong> be. It's not a judgment and it's not mean-spirited. It's just honest. I am not of the opinion that being nice is always kind; sometimes the kindest thing to do is to share an honest opinion. Again, take or leave.

    ...and now I'll let it go, Jeana. :)
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    PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
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    edited December 2011
    BEANDIP!

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    callalily13callalily13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    wow. might not really be known on the boards, but as far as I can tell and IMHO I'm not sure what past post your referring to, but from what I have read you seem perfectly fine. I dont think you come off as a bitch, just opinionated, which is exactly what most people are asking for: advice. As far as your condition (if i remember correctly you are bipolar) and I also know how the mania/depression mess up emotions and personalities (I'm going for my psych phd, so i know a bit bout this), so if for some reason you seem a little overdone then so be it, everyone gets like that periodically. BFD!!!
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