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Gift Giving (kind of a rant)

afgf1210afgf1210
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

My husband and I recently spent quite a bit of money on his best friend and his new wife at their wedding in July. However, they didn't even acknowledge the gift. No thank you note, text, or even FB post. I was raised to ALWAYS say thank you no matter what. 

Now she wants me to go to her baby shower. The invitation was a baby registry insert with the shower location scribbled on it. 

I don't want to go (hate baby showers), and now I REALLY don't want to go because I feel like this is just a bid for gifts. 

Should I spend more money on someone that doesn't have the decency to say "Thanks"? I think it's so rude!

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Re: Gift Giving (kind of a rant)

  • MyUserName1MyUserName1 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Pisses me off too. 

    I'd just send a small gift and skip the shower, most likely. (I hate baby showers too, unless I REALLY love the mom-to-be)
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  • KellyBrian2013KellyBrian2013
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-giving-kind-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b22c9594-6e3b-4c59-9bfa-f86095a47e1ePost:48dbb9a3-497e-4538-a857-3adfb2c71dc4">Gift Giving (kind of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]My husband and I recently spent quite a bit of money on his best friend and his new wife at their wedding in July. However, they didn't even acknowledge the gift. No thank you note, text, or even FB post. I was raised to ALWAYS say thank you no matter what.  Now she wants me to go to her baby shower. The invitation was a baby registry insert with the shower location scribbled on it.  I don't want to go (hate baby showers), and now I REALLY don't want to go because I feel like this is just a bid for gifts.  Should I spend more money on someone that doesn't have the decency to say "Thanks"? I think it's so rude!
    Posted by afgf1210[/QUOTE]

    While it would have been nice to have received a thank you card already, the wedding was less than 2 months ago. I still haven't recieved the TY note from my best friend (I was her MOH) whose wedding was on July 7th, and I know she is still working on them. My parents just received theirs from her wedding.

    If you don't want to go, don't go. But don't risk damaging your husband's friendship (with his best friend) because you're bitter about not recieving a piece of paper.
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  • mbrischouxmbrischoux member
    100 Comments
    If these people got their thank you cards fromk the photographer (many offer it, as did ours) it will take more time for the couple to get the cards from the photographer before they send them out.  My photographer did ours quickly because she knew I wanted them done band sent before I went back to school (I'm a teacher), but this isn't always the case depending on the schedule of the photographer and the turnaround of the company he/she uses for printing.

    As for the baby shower - Don't go if you don't want to go.  That simple.
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  • Winnertag1Winnertag1 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    You dont have to go if you dont want to, I probably would since you said it was your husband's best friend. You dont have to get anything extravagent though, just something small off the registry.

    You can skip it all together and send a gift or do none of that - I just would be skeptical about causing drama.

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  • gurrlballa10gurrlballa10
    500 Comments
    The wedding was in July.  It's only August.  Give it some time before you get pissed off.  It their wedding was at the end of July and they want on a HM, it's only been 2 1/2-3 weeks.  While it's nice if they would have jumped on top of them, the reality is that a lot of couples take their time.  TBH, I don't get pissy about thank you notes, but especially in this scenario I would wait to get upset.

    And if you don't want to go to the baby shower, then don't.  But don't use the fact they haven't written a thank you note as your excuse.
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  • funandfrecklesfunandfreckles member
    100 Comments
    edited August 2012
    Showers, in general, regardless of type, are a bid for gifts. That will never change.
    It's very rude when people don't say thank you, or send thank you notes. I'd definitely be irritated, too.

    *somehow I missed the part that the wedding was in July. Don't be irritated yet, give it a couple months.
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  • pkontkpkontk member
    500 Comments
    Definitely give them time to get out the thank yous.  I'm very mindful of thank yous, so I try to get mine out right away (my shower notes were in the mail 4 days later), but I know that not every couple is as on top of things.  If it were 3+ months later, then I'd get annoyed, but not just yet.

    As for the baby shower, that's totally up to you.  I don't think I'd attend unless I was friendly with others invited, or very close to the mother to be.
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  • arendivaarendiva member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    I don't think anything is wrong with skipping baby showers. Attendance is optional. As is sending a gift in your absence. I don't think any drama will arise out of you missing the shower.
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  • hwoychowskihwoychowski
    100 Comments
    Send her a "No Thank you" note. :)
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-giving-kind-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b22c9594-6e3b-4c59-9bfa-f86095a47e1ePost:09e6bae8-5245-401f-9073-2f0320d712f1">Re: Gift Giving (kind of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>If these people got their thank you cards fromk the photographer (many offer it, as did ours) it will take more time for the couple to get the cards from the photographer before they send them out.</strong>  My photographer did ours quickly because she knew I wanted them done band sent before I went back to school (I'm a teacher), but this isn't always the case depending on the schedule of the photographer and the turnaround of the company he/she uses for printing. As for the baby shower - Don't go if you don't want to go.  That simple.
    Posted by mbrischoux[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This does not excuse a bride and groom from sending out thank-you notes in a timely manner.  Our photos haven't come back yet from our April 7th wedding, yet I had all of my thank-yous done withink three weeks of the wedding.   You're right that if a photographer can get them done quickly, it's fine...but it doesn't mean that the bride and groom should wait for months to get special custom thank-you cards.</div><div>
    </div><div>Having said that, I think it's reasonable that thank-you notes from a July wedding haven't been sent out yet by the end of August.  I doubt the B&G have forgotten -- they just probably haven't finished their thank-yous yet.   </div><div>
    </div><div>If you don't want to go to the shower, then don't go.  I don't like them either.   There's nothing to stop you from making other plans that day.   It would be nice to send a small gift.  If you end up not getting a thank-you card from either gift, then you'll know what kind of couple these people are, and you'll know better than to give them a gift for the child's baptism!  :-)

    </div>
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    DItto PPs, their wedding was only in July, give them some time before you get upset about not receiving a thank-you yet.  We were very busy after our wedding and it took a little over 2 months for us to get all of our TYs written and mailed.  As they are having a baby, I imagine they are quite busy as well and may take a while to get their TYs sent.  Have a little patience before you jump to conclusions that they are not appreciative....

    That being said, if you don't like baby showers, you are definitely not obligated to go.  I hate showers of all kinds as well (and yes, the general point of a shower is gifts, so that shouldn't surprise you), so I only attend them if I'm really close to the person and will know most of the other people there.  You can certainly decline on that aspect alone, but since it's your H's BEST FRIEND's baby, I think it should be up to him if he wants to send a gift.
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  • brommelbrommel member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-giving-kind-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b22c9594-6e3b-4c59-9bfa-f86095a47e1ePost:48dbb9a3-497e-4538-a857-3adfb2c71dc4">Gift Giving (kind of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]My husband and I recently spent quite a bit of money on his best friend and his new wife at their wedding in July. However, they didn't even acknowledge the gift. No thank you note, text, or even FB post. I was raised to ALWAYS say thank you no matter what.  Now she wants me to go to her baby shower. The invitation was a baby registry insert with the shower location scribbled on it.  I don't want to go (hate baby showers), and now I REALLY don't want to go because I feel like this is just a bid for gifts.  Should I spend more money on someone that doesn't have the decency to say "Thanks"? I think it's so rude!
    Posted by afgf1210[/QUOTE]

    <div>Although I'm in a similar position regarding lack of thank-you notes, I would at least give a gift just the same, regardless of your attendance.  Write as 'heartfelt' of a thank you as you can that declines the invite - maybe that'll spark her memory that they lapsed in giving you yours.</div>
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    When is she due? This may seem like an odd question, but they just had a wedding in Hawaii, and are now having a baby shower?
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-giving-kind-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b22c9594-6e3b-4c59-9bfa-f86095a47e1ePost:bd6302ff-e121-4041-bfa2-fc21a925f70d">Re: Gift Giving (kind of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]When is she due? This may seem like an odd question, but they just had a wedding in Hawaii, and are now having a baby shower?
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Good, I thought I was the only one side-eying that.

    </div>
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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-giving-kind-of-a-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b22c9594-6e3b-4c59-9bfa-f86095a47e1ePost:bd6302ff-e121-4041-bfa2-fc21a925f70d">Re: Gift Giving (kind of a rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]When is she due? This may seem like an odd question, but they just had a wedding in Hawaii, and are now having a baby shower?
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

    sounds like a premature baby is on the way ;)
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  • emichele87emichele87 member
    10 Comments
    A nice card with a gift card to Target would be all I would do. It would acknowledge the baby and get you out of attending the shower.
    ~Emily~
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