What do bridesmaids pay for?

MelTimm27 · September 2012

I realise that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to this situation but I would just like a broad idea of what I can expect my bridesmaids to pay for. We have already sorted out a number of things but I just want to get an idea of what is generally accepted or what others are doing so I know my way forward with the other liitle things.I ask this question in relation to dress, shoes, accessories, hair and make-up, arranging bachelorette/kitchen tea, etc.

StephBeanWed61502 · September 2012

They pay for their dress.

If you require them to get their hair and makeup done, if you require them to purchase specific shoes, if you require them to pay for specific accessories, you pay for all of that.

A bachelorette party, a bridal shower, and all other pre-wedding parties (I assume that's what a "kitchen tea" is, I've never heard of such a thing) are GIFTS to the bride that can be thrown by anyone EXCEPT THE BRIDE HERSELF. Those parties should be paid for by whoever decides to host them. If no one offers you a pre-wedding party, you don't get one. Also, if one bridesmaid wants to host, for example, a shower and another doesn't, the one who doesn't is under no obligation to contribute towards the shower.

zitiqueen · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-bridesmaids-pay-for?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50dc7895-3a81-4b85-b7d6-4e4eee2bba6bPost:241fec8a-c786-4d9b-9c51-cd6a07d81c26">What do bridesmaids pay for?</a>:
[QUOTE]I realise that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to this situation but I would just like a broad idea of what I can expect my bridesmaids to pay for. We have already sorted out a number of things but I just want to get an idea of what is generally accepted or what others are doing so I know my way forward with the other liitle things.I ask this question in relation to dress, shoes, accessories, hair and make-up, arranging bachelorette/kitchen tea, etc.
Posted by MelTimm27[/QUOTE]

Getting to and from the wedding (travel expenses) and the dress, and you need to ask about their budgets before picking anything out. Anything that you require, like specific shoes, specific jewelry, required hair and makeup from a specific stylist, etc., you pay for.

As far as parties, those aren't required. Those are gifts. If somebody offers to host one in your honor, great, If nobody offers to host one, that means you don't get one. And BMs aren't required to contribute to those either.

jgreer9604 · September 2012

As far as shoes go, if I, the bride, say," any shoe you want, as long as they are ivory in color" ....should I pay for them?

StephBeanWed61502 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-bridesmaids-pay-for?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50dc7895-3a81-4b85-b7d6-4e4eee2bba6bPost:32a9cb1b-05ea-448a-ac11-3a20d6575cd7">Re: What do bridesmaids pay for?</a>:
[QUOTE]As far as shoes go, if I, the bride, say," any shoe you want, as long as they are ivory in color" ....should I pay for them?
Posted by jgreer9604[/QUOTE]

<div>Conventional wisdom is no, but for me, I think it depends on the color. Asking them to wear a black or nude shoe (which many women either already own or would want to own anyway) is very different from saying "oh, just wear any shoe that comes in daisy yellow!" and while I guess you technically don't have to pay, the less re-useable the color is, the more inclined I, as a bride, would be to want to pay for the shoes myself, even if I didn't ask the bridesmaids to all wear the same style.</div>

lyndausvi · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-bridesmaids-pay-for?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50dc7895-3a81-4b85-b7d6-4e4eee2bba6bPost:32a9cb1b-05ea-448a-ac11-3a20d6575cd7">Re: What do bridesmaids pay for?</a>:
[QUOTE]As far as shoes go, if I, the bride, say," any shoe you want, as long as they are ivory in color" ....should I pay for them?
Posted by jgreer9604[/QUOTE]

<div>No. It's when a bride wants a specific shoe so everyone is 'matching'. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

jgreer9604 · September 2012

Thanks, one less thing to worry about.

lyndausvi · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-bridesmaids-pay-for?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50dc7895-3a81-4b85-b7d6-4e4eee2bba6bPost:6c9e06d7-3112-4e3b-b03e-180566c1cf56">Re: What do bridesmaids pay for?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks, one less thing to worry about.
Posted by jgreer9604[/QUOTE]

<div>The thought is if you pick a neutral type color it's more than likely they will already have a pair in their closet. If not they can buy a pair within their budget that is comfortable for them. </div><div>
</div><div>IMO, shoes are not one style fits all type accessory . </div>

MelTimm27 · September 2012

Brilliant! I feel like Im on the right rack now. Thanks ladies for the responses. They have already purchased their dresses, I was however concerned about their shoes and accessories. I have asked them to wear silver shoes but I dont expect all four of them to wear the same style, so at least that question is also settled! And I suppose the same goes for the accessories, which would only be earrings as neckalces arent necessary based on the style of the dress.I have already decided to pay for hair and make-up as well get them a little broach as a gift that could also be worn with the dress if they choose. My one friend who isnt even in the bridal party, is asking what I would like to do for the kitchen tea (lol, sorry Steph, Im from South Africa and thats what we call it) so thats also being arranged

Thanks again ladies, it would seem that everything has been handled in accordance with what is expected!

pearlaqua · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-bridesmaids-pay-for?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50dc7895-3a81-4b85-b7d6-4e4eee2bba6bPost:fad64644-7a12-4ec6-9cf8-1f5be3009c7c">Re: What do bridesmaids pay for?</a>:
[QUOTE]Brilliant! I feel like Im on the right rack now. Thanks ladies for the responses. They have already purchased their dresses, I was however concerned about their shoes and accessories. I have asked them to wear silver shoes but I dont expect all four of them to wear the same style, so at least that question is also settled! And I suppose the same goes for the accessories, which would only be earrings as neckalces arent necessary based on the style of the dress.I have already decided to pay for hair and make-up <strong>as well get them a little broach as a gift that could also be worn with the dress if they choose.</strong> My one friend who isnt even in the bridal party, is asking what I would like to do for the kitchen tea (lol, sorry Steph, Im from South Africa and thats what we call it) so thats also being arranged Thanks again ladies, it would seem that everything has been handled in accordance with what is expected!
Posted by MelTimm27[/QUOTE]

If you're getting them a brooche to wear with their outfit, that isn't really "a gift", that's like giving them part of their outfit. Even though it is something they can tehnically wear again, just like their dress, shoes, or other accessories, a gift of attire-specific jewelry isn't what people on this board generally consider a "gift".

I guess if the gift is a brooche and they are welcometo use it that day it is a bit different, but your BMs may not know that.

MelTimm27 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-bridesmaids-pay-for?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50dc7895-3a81-4b85-b7d6-4e4eee2bba6bPost:aedc67f9-95ed-4c5d-92a9-a6bcdcbb534d">Re: What do bridesmaids pay for?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do bridesmaids pay for? : If you're getting them a brooche to wear with their outfit, that isn't really "a gift", that's like giving them part of their outfit. Even though it is something they can tehnically wear again, just like their dress, shoes, or other accessories, a gift of attire-specific jewelry isn't what people on this board generally consider a "gift". I guess if the gift is a brooche and they are welcometo use it that day it is a bit different, but your BMs may not know that.
Posted by pearlaqua[/QUOTE]

Hi pearlaqua thank you for pointing that out but I would present it as a gift and not even mention using it for that purpose, which they could then wear if they choose as the dress can only be enhanced by it because of the style. I am however open to suggestions, in all honestly I havent gotten around to researching ideas for gifts. I would love to really personalise it for each girl but thought it would be nice to get something along a similar vein to keep it all on equal footing. I was a bm for my cousin and she gave all of us necklaces as gifts and none of us had a problem with that, ceratinly every lady could never have enough accessories?

KellyBrian2013 · September 2012

In Response to Re:What do bridesmaids pay for?:[QUOTE]Hi pearlaqua thank you for pointing that out but I would present it as a gift and not even mention using it for that purpose, which they could then wear if they choose as the dress can only be enhanced by it because of the style. I am however open to suggestions, in all honestly I havent gotten around to researching ideas for gifts. I would love to really personalisenbsp;it for each girlnbsp;but thought it would be nice to get something along a similar vein to keep it all on equal footing. I was a bm for my cousin and she gave all of us necklaces as gifts and none of us had a problem with that, ceratinly every lady could never have enough accessories? Posted by MelTimm27[/QUOTE]

I can't wear anything cheap; it turns my skin green. Literally. If it isn't real gold, I can't wear it. My poor SIL is worse off. Her nickel allergy is so severe that the most minute trace of it in an accessory necklace, bracelet, watch... even the rivets of her jeans gives her open sores that take weeks to heal. So if you're not willing to shell out for real gold accessories, I would probably bypass that as the gift. Shop for each girl as though it was their birthday. Keep a similar budget but differentiate gifts based on their personality and personal style.

achiduck · September 2012

I get infections with cheap jewellery. The lowest quality metal I can wear is stainless steel. Other then that it needs to be gold or silver.

My BM's paid for their dresses (which I let them pick with some guidance on colour/length/material), their shoes - whatever black ones they wanted, I only asked that if they're wearing heels that it be a comfortable height as there will be standing during pictures, the ceremony, etc and their jewellery - I just asked that it be silver toned with clear stones.

They're also throwing me a shower and a bachelorette (they offered) but I'm paying for their hair and makeup since I'm requiring it be professionally done. I've told them when/where I'm getting my nails done and that they're welcome to come but I am not paying for it since I don't require it.

OwningAHome1981 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-bridesmaids-pay-for?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50dc7895-3a81-4b85-b7d6-4e4eee2bba6bPost:aedc67f9-95ed-4c5d-92a9-a6bcdcbb534d">Re: What do bridesmaids pay for?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do bridesmaids pay for? : If you're getting them a brooche to wear with their outfit, that isn't really "a gift", that's like giving them part of their outfit. Even though it is something they can tehnically wear again, just like their dress, shoes, or other accessories, a gift of attire-specific jewelry isn't what people on this board generally consider a "gift". I guess if the gift is a brooche and they are welcometo use it that day it is a bit different, but your BMs may not know that.
Posted by pearlaqua[/QUOTE]

Well it can be given as part of the BM gifts though, given at the RD or whatever. My sister got us all really nice bracelets- we are not required to wear them the day of her wedding but that is our BM gift. Does that not count as a gift? I think the broach is the same type of thing- it's a gift.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · September 2012

I actually paid for the BM dresses - although that isn't common or necessary. My BMs paid for their alterations, plus any shoes (they decided on black), jewelry, etc they wanted. One of them had to go out and buy shoes, stockings, jewelry and makeup. The other just used what she had.

They both declined professional hair and makeup.

MelTimm27 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-bridesmaids-pay-for?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50dc7895-3a81-4b85-b7d6-4e4eee2bba6bPost:52579dae-2b37-4f95-a20e-7a5ea42ffc9f">Re: What do bridesmaids pay for?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do bridesmaids pay for? : Well it can be given as part of the BM gifts though, given at the RD or whatever. My sister got us all really nice bracelets- we are not required to wear them the day of her wedding but that is our BM gift. Does that not count as a gift? I think the broach is the same type of thing- it's a gift.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

<div>Hi OwningAHome1981, thank you! You are completely right, its a gift! A gesture of thanks for them taking part in my special day. The bracelet is a lovely idea, probably more practical than a brooch!</div>

lyndausvi · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-bridesmaids-pay-for?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50dc7895-3a81-4b85-b7d6-4e4eee2bba6bPost:fa3a4280-ad1b-425e-853f-5498313e92d8">Re:What do bridesmaids pay for?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do bridesmaids pay for?:<strong> I can't wear anything cheap; it turns my skin green. Literally. If it isn't real gold, I can't wear it.</strong> My poor SIL is worse off. Her nickel allergy is so severe that the most minute trace of it in an accessory necklace, bracelet, watch... even the rivets of her jeans gives her open sores that take weeks to heal. So if you're not willing to shell out for real gold accessories, I would probably bypass that as the gift. Shop for each girl as though it was their birthday. Keep a similar budget but differentiate gifts based on their personality and personal style.
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm the same way. I get an ear infection from anything at is cheap in only an hour from putting them on. It's not something I can 'deal with for a night'. Necklaces and pendants I do a little better, but it's still not good.</div><div>
</div><div>It sucks. I have little jewelry because of it.</div>

pearlaqua · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-bridesmaids-pay-for?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50dc7895-3a81-4b85-b7d6-4e4eee2bba6bPost:52579dae-2b37-4f95-a20e-7a5ea42ffc9f">Re: What do bridesmaids pay for?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do bridesmaids pay for? : Well it can be given <strong>as part of the BM gifts though</strong>, given at the RD or whatever. My sister got us all really nice bracelets- we are not required to wear them the day of her wedding but that is our BM gift.<strong> Does that not count as a gift? </strong>I think the broach is the same type of thing- it's a gift.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

You're right, given as PART of the gift, a brooches are a great idea. But if your BMs aren't brooche-wearing types, they might assume the brooche is part of the Wedding Day Look.

I get it, a gift is a gift, but BM gifts are supposed to be "Shop like it's their birthday" not "Give them something to make your pictures look cute/uniform".

Personally, I think brooches are GREAT and versatile (on a hat, on a scarf, on a dress, on a shirt...).

KellyBrian2013 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-bridesmaids-pay-for?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50dc7895-3a81-4b85-b7d6-4e4eee2bba6bPost:f074ca7d-bc8f-4fec-883b-540397e27a81">Re:What do bridesmaids pay for?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do bridesmaids pay for? : I'm the same way. I get an ear infection from anything at is cheap in only an hour from putting them on. It's not something I can 'deal with for a night'. Necklaces and pendants I do a little better, but it's still not good.<strong> It sucks. I have little jewelry because of it.</strong>
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Same. Bless my mom's heart - she got me three new pairs of gold earrings for my birthday this year so I could have some variety. I've worn the same pair since changing them out from what they were pierced with nearly 2 years ago because everything I had bought turned my ears black. I have only a few select necklaces I wear, otherwise I get this nasty green ring around my neck, and I've had to coat several watches in clear nail polish so I don't turn my wrists green and purple.

It doesn't bother my skin, really, but it looks terrible and the smell (caused by whatever in my skin reacts to the metals) is awful. I don't think other people really smell it (DH has never said anything) but I certainly do. Bleh.

What do bridesmaids pay for?

Re: What do bridesmaids pay for?

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