Engaged young

jean1103 · May 2012

My fiance and i are planning our wedding for next year. He will be 22 and i will be 19. Both my family and his are very excited and have been nothing but supportive. We both have regular full time jobs, we are financially stable and we have been living together for almost a year. The problem I am having is that people who don't know me, him, or our situation, try to tell me not to get married, or that I'm too young etc. How should I respond to that? I think it's rude and disrespectful for people to say things like that to someone they barely know.

cwaggoner07 · May 2012

I think in 5-7 years, whether you are still married or not, you will understand why people say that.

dancingphalanges · May 2012

My fiance and I are both 23, and thankfully most people I encounter have been nothing but supportive. Unlike the previous poster, I can not understand why someone would say something as rude as that. We have a very intimate and trusting relationship and have given marriage a lot of thought. People of all ages and backgrounds get divorced everyday; telling someone that you're too young to get married based on their opinion and flat out wrong.

cara92marie · May 2012

Every couple is different. And while I can understand why someone would think you're young to be getting married, it's still very rude of people to make comments like that. I would just ignore it or tell them it's none of their business. I've had similar problems, as I'm 20 and my fiance is 22. When we get married I'll be a month shy of 22 and he'll be 24. Still people ask me why I'm rushing to settle down. We've been dating for 5 years and 7 when we get married, that is no rush in my opinion. My point is if you are financially stable and feel you are ready to get married, than really it's no one's business or place to say you're too young for marriage. Only you can say when you're ready!

Annas2013 · May 2012

It's really rude for people to say things like that when they don't know your particular situation. My FI and I are also young, and both of our families are supportive too. We're waiting until we graduate from undergrad to get married. Every situation is different, and only you and your FI can decide if you're ready for marriage. Like above pp said, couples of every age, and background, and situation get divorced every single day. Age may lower the risk of divorce but it doesn't automatically prevent it. Good luck with everything!

notyetavet · May 2012

The best response is not to respond to comments like that. It is too easy to get sucked in to "defending" your relationship to people who don't understand what is going on. Just thank them for their opinion and change the subject.

Annas2013 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_engaged-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a7c3a6a1-ed6f-420e-9b64-6fdac32cc1b1Post:aab045c4-1269-4ed1-8803-2a050e5e14ed">Re: Engaged young</a>:
[QUOTE]The best response is not to respond to comments like that. It is too easy to get sucked in to "defending" your relationship to people who don't understand what is going on. Just thank them for their opinion and change the subject.
Posted by notyetavet[/QUOTE]

<div>This is probably the best answer I've seen to this question. Also the most polite.</div>

Yankees413 · May 2012

I will marry when I am 23 and my husband-to-be will be 24. I agree with the other posters that thanking them for their advice and moving along. We are newly engaged and it worries me of the comments we may recieve, although luckily most of friends have been very supportive adn volunterred to help with the planning. Keep your head high. I feel that even though your physical ages are young, your emotional ages are right where they need to be. You have both worked and lived together and have expirence working together and solving problems that arise. I wish you all the best of luck.

misssunshine17 · May 2012

I'm 21 and FI is 22, we'll be 23 and 24 when we get married and we've been engaged for over a year. It worked for us. Have some people thought we were too young and voiced their opinion? yes. I would just say we're happy with our decision. Don't feel that you need to defend yourself to anyone- I did once and I felt like a child telling a parent I was big enough. You're making a n adult decision, so answer accordingly. Good luck!

tszostek · May 2012

I am 21 and so is my fiance. Luckily, most of the people we run into are very supportive however, some of my acquantences have done the same thing. To me, being young and getting married isn't as big of a deal as other people seem to think. My mom was 17 and my dad was 20 when they got married. It wasn't because my mom was pregnant or anything, they were in love and they knew it. My parents will be celebrating their 39th anniversary in a couple weeks. I agree with whoever said not responding is the best way. If you start getting really defensive, people will get the impression that you aren't confident with your decision. They don't have to understand, as long as you are happy!

DramaGeek · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_engaged-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a7c3a6a1-ed6f-420e-9b64-6fdac32cc1b1Post:aab045c4-1269-4ed1-8803-2a050e5e14ed">Re: Engaged young</a>:
[QUOTE]The best response is not to respond to comments like that. It is too easy to get sucked in to "defending" your relationship to people who don't understand what is going on. Just thank them for their opinion and change the subject.
Posted by notyetavet[/QUOTE]

<div>This, exactly. I even had people tell me that they couldn't understand why a 21 year old guy would want to get married and implied that I somehow pressured him into it. I am happy to report that, while we did marry young, 10 years later we're happier than ever.</div>

katy0990 · May 2012

DramaGeek I am glad to hear you say that. I thought I was the only one. My FFIL said that to me when we got engaged 2 years ago. We are young but our wedding is in Dec and our 4 year anniversary is in Jan. We have lived together for 2 years and it is what we want. It stinks that others want to be so blunt but all that matters at the end of the day is our happiness.

DramaGeek · May 2012

Katy, you're getting married one week after our 10 year anniversary! We considered the 21st but decided to go with the 14th instead. Congrats!

andieK1208 · May 2012

I just got engaged and I'm 20. I'll be married when I'm 21. People have mentioned it to me that I am young, but they don't know the situation. You are in love, and that is all that matters. The people that will question your decision are people that were engaged for 6 years when it was the norm, or people who aren't married yet and are probably jealous. Don't let them discourage you, it's your life.

EC88 · May 2012

I'm a little older than you (23) and my fiance is almost 26 and we still get this response, especially from my extended family. No matter what, some people will have their own negative opinions about you getting married. If it's not age then it is money or personality or something else. It's best to say something simple like "Ok" and move on. Only you and your fiance know when you are ready!

RadDaniC · May 2012

trust me, you are not alone! i was on the massage table the other day and my massuese started drilling me about my ring, asking if it was a promise ring and etc. When i told her it was my e ring, she proceeded to tell me i was too young and just a baby. mind you, this person did not know me from Eve, but she thought her unsolicited remarks were more than appropriate while i was on that table with nowhere to go and only in my skiivies. people will be people, and most of the time that includes being rude. most dont have that internal filter, i've noticed, when it comes to this kind of situation.

joe&cassie · June 2012

I will be 23 and my FI will 33 when we get married. I think the main people who are against it are people who got married young and didn't have time to "travel" and discover themselves. I personally am ok with that. I know who I am and what I want. My FI definitely does. If you feel the time is right and can provide for yourself and your FI then go for it. We are waiting for at least a year or until I have a job after graduating for that exact reason. It's better just to say thank you for your opinion and move along. I have spent way too much time defending my relationship with a disabled veteran ten years older than me. It gets really old really fast.

ajr1211 · June 2012

I'll be 19 when I get married and my FI will be 25, we will have been together 4 years when we are married. Marriage is a situation of love and commitment, not so much of age. My mother and father got married when she was 16, and my dad was 25. They are still happily married 35 years later.

I would just ignore the people that put you down. As long as the people that matter are supportive, thats all you need.

Both mine and his families are very supportive.

hvlopez91 · June 2012

Hi I'm twenty one and my fiance is twenty two. I've been in a situation at my job surrounded by five different people at work demanding why I want to get married so young with disbelief all over their faces. It was such a horrible situation. I stopped telling people, out of excitement, I was getting married. Thankfully our families are supportive. Now I just try and watch what I say around others.

jenny&will2014 · July 2012

it is said that "you change alot from 18 to 21, quite a bit from 21 to 25 and you are almost a different person by the time you reach 30".
Do what you want and what you and your fiance think is best for the two of you.
you two are the only ones that will have to deal with whatever happens good or bad (I got married at 21 the 1st time and good gracious did the above statement ring true!) then again I have known people that got married at 18 and fifteen years later are happy as ever. People will always have an opinion good or bad

Engaged young

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