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Wedding Party

I want a bridal party: he doesn't ... its not pretty

This is our first wedding argument, with 11 months to go.  :)

Originally I said I only wanted to have a MOH and BM in the bridal party.  I am 32 yrs old, and at the time I felt this would be the more mature, simple way to do things.  I also figured at the time that it would save us a little $. 

Now after looking at photographers, and planning all the details... ive started to feel longing toward having all my best girlfriends around me on my big day.  I cant imagine not having my girls around me as I get ready in those few hours before, or not having those special photos with my best friends.  I was in every single one of their weddings....and now ive changed my mind.  I want a bridal party.  Not because of how it looks, but because the way they will make me feel.   And there would be 5 of them.

Now my Fiance is not so happy.  he thinks its too expensive to have all these people.  He wants to keep it simple, and generally is against having a large bridal party.  I think he feels like its inconveniencing his friends ( i told him they can wear whatever suit they want/have)  And he doesnt want to pay for all of them at the rehearsal dinner.  Which I get.. but we're doing this together.   

I'm trying to compromise... but he thinks I can do all the same, and take photos with my "VIP's"  without having to complicate things with a party.  I dunno.  Any thoughts?


Re: I want a bridal party: he doesn't ... its not pretty

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_i-want-a-bridal-party-he-doesnt-its-not-pretty?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f88403ea-6952-48bc-9fe5-3774ba1558a6Post:c67969c3-e4c6-417f-8ba1-7b81e3b5428a">I want a bridal party: he doesn't ... its not pretty</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is our first wedding argument, with 11 months to go.  :) Originally I said I only wanted to have a MOH and BM in the bridal party.  I am 32 yrs old, and at the time I felt this would be the more mature, simple way to do things.  I also figured at the time that it would save us a little $.  Now after looking at photographers, and planning all the details... ive started to feel longing toward having all my best girlfriends around me on my big day.  I cant imagine not having my girls around me as I get ready in those few hours before, or not having those special photos with my best friends.  I was in every single one of their weddings....and now ive changed my mind.  I want a bridal party.  Not because of how it looks, but because the way they will make me feel.   And there would be 5 of them. Now my Fiance is not so happy.  he thinks its too expensive to have all these people.  He wants to keep it simple, and generally is against having a large bridal party.  I think he feels like its inconveniencing his friends ( i told him they can wear whatever suit they want/have)  And he doesnt want to pay for all of them at the rehearsal dinner.  Which I get.. but we're doing this together.    I'm trying to compromise... but he thinks I can do all the same, and take photos with my "VIP's"  without having to complicate things with a party.  I dunno.  Any thoughts?
    Posted by MissLaura123[/QUOTE]

    You already had a WP planned: your MOH and Best Man.  That was the size of our WP - and I took a lot of pictures with friends.

    What you want to do is change the size of it.  Before I go any further let me point out that the sides do not have to be even.  Personally, to my eye, five on one side and one on the other would look badly lopsided.

    Your FI is kind of  right that it would be more expensive.  RDs do not have to be expensive.  They can be pizza back at your place.  You would have to budget more money for WP gifts. 

    I do need to know, though, whether you have already asked your MOH and Best Man.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • Sleep on it. You might feel better in the morning. This is not something worth fighting over. You agreed on the MOH and BM, and he's right that you can still take amazing getting ready and reception party pics. They will be fabulous.He's also right that it's more expensive to host a bigger bridal party. Not only is there the rehersal dinner, but there's also the bouquets (if you choose to have them), gifts, and anything else to require. These are not bad things, but they do add up. 

    Still, I see your side too. You want your girls there. You want them standing next to you. Are there other special ways to involve them? Have them do a reading? Present the gifts (if it's a Catholic ceremony)? These still make them special and give them a role of honor without the title of bridesmaid. 

    You'll find a compromise. It'll work out. There are so many great options these days with weddings! Consider them all before nixing any of them. 
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • Lopsidedness doesn't matter, in my opinion.  It's not about how the photos look, it's about having people around you that make the day perfect for you emotionally.  A good photographer can make any number work.

    And the bride's WP isn't the groom's business, that's just domineering and controlling.  Just like she wouldn't get a say in who he picks as groomsmen, unless someone tried to be violent with her or something.

    The rehersal dinner and party doesn't have to be fancy.  Forget the 3 course meals, or fancy restaurant.  Throw a backyard bbq instead.  It doesn't take more than 100 bucks to feed 10 to 12 people really really well that way if you are smart about it.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • I agree w peledreams, my bridal party consists of 5 girls and 9 guys!! But my FI wanted all his best guy friends there with him and I did not blame him, I on the other hand did not want to just ask anyone and everyone to be in my party so I'm only doing 5. Im having the MOH and BM walk together then 2 guys for every girl.

    As far as rehearsal dinner goes, I could care less, Im doing something very inexpensive. I say you only get married once and have who YOU want. and let him have who he wants. If it doesnt match up, it'll work!!
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree, as with most relationship issues, the key to this is compromise. Keep your one attendant (MOH), however, it seems like the big things for you are getting ready and photos that you do not want to do without your 5 girlfriends. Just because they are not the MOH or officially bridesmaids does not mean that your nearest and dearest girlfriends cannot get ready with you or take photos with you.  Obviously do not require it, but invite them to come beforehand to enjoy some champagne and help you calm your nerves. There is no rule saying that your best girlfriends have to be in a matching dress in order to be in a portrait with you. You could even give them a corsage to wear to the wedding to show your appreciation. You could do a photos and share with them how special they are to you before the ceremony and just let them enjoy the rest of it as guests.  However, this really only works if you only have 1 attendant (your MOH), otherwise you don't want hurt feelings with some being chosen as bridesmaids and the others not (like 3 of the 5 in the wedding and the other two as guests).
  • Retread bride knows what shes talkin about!! Amen!! Hell I have ten and he has 5....its not a big deal but it is your right to have who youd like around u on your one big day!!
    ****The Future Mrs. Ikeard**** wedding countdown
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_i-want-a-bridal-party-he-doesnt-its-not-pretty?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f88403ea-6952-48bc-9fe5-3774ba1558a6Post:8ac4bc79-55e5-406b-b4f0-3624346a7b85">Re:I want a bridal party: he doesn't... its not pretty</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:I want a bridal party: he doesn't ... its not pretty: Aww, thank you. Contrary to some posters' beliefs, I do try to give the best advice I can. :D
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
    <div><span style="font-size:12px;font-family:Arial;" class="Apple-style-span">And, StageManager, you manage to do so despite being "50 years old, overweight, divorced and bitter."  Amazing.</span><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

    </div></div>
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