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Should I even bother saying anything?????

thatsmrs.2uthatsmrs.2u member
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in Moms and Maids
So one of my bridesmaids is the mother of two girls one of them is my Godchild. I opted out of having them in the wedding because my party is not that big and my fiance has a daughter that is 6. She can't wait to be the "flower girl" so I thought that would be a special role just for her. Well a couple of weeks ago my BM showed me the dresses that she was having her girls wear to the wedding. I was shocked because the dresses are ivory. My immediate response was, "why do you have them wearing this? They're not in the wedding." Well she just brushed it off and said well I thought it would be cute because its a wedding. I know that was my opportunity to say well I don't want that but I didn't and now I'm really feeling like maybe I should say something. Or is it even that big of a deal? What do you guys think?
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Re: Should I even bother saying anything?????

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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You've told her that her DD is not in the wedding.  Is the little girl invited to the wedding?  Then let her wear the cute dress as a guest.  No one is going to confuse a little girl for the bride, if that's your concern.  And they won't confuse her with the FG either, because she won't be the child walking down the aisle holding a cute little basket of flowers.

    I think you're overthinking this.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah, it's tacky that she's having her daughters wear ivory dresses, but you really can't dictate what anyone wears to your wedding. At least you have advance notice of this. Besides, what are you going to do if someone else shows up in a white or ivory dress? I would let this one go or you risk straining your friendship.
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    Heather8505Heather8505 member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with the PP. Now that you know what the dresses look like, just make sure you flower girl doesn't have the same dress and everything should be good
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    LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
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    edited December 2011
    Heck, put the Flower Girl in a non-ivory/white dress if you want to make sure it's clear that they're different. Put her in the same color as the bridesmaids. Nothing says the flower girl HAS to be in a bridal color.
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    RiRi157RiRi157
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    edited December 2011
    Tacky, whats tacky about a little girl wearing ivory.

    You're getting married, grow up they are little girls.

    Maybe you should list the colors you don't want people wearing in your invite.

    All this drama over 2 little girls wearing ivory, I hope people don't think they are the brides, oh my.
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think you're overestimating how much the guests will care who the flower girl is.  (Hint: pretty much not at all.)  I'm pretty sure they'll be able to figure it out when they see who's walking down the aisle.

    You get to decide what the WP is wearing.  Everyone else gets to wear what they want.
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    BranJess2011BranJess2011
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    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't say anything. They're little girls and it's ivory. The tradition is for noone to wear white but the bride, but even with that they are too young for this to even be an issue. I know it's always in the back of a brides mind, but honestly, do you think that them wearing ivory is going to cause your marriage to fail? I don't think so.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My BIL's wife wore an all white dress to our son and DIL's wedding.  They're still happily married.  DIL didn't even notice until the wedding pictures came back, and then she laughed about it.

    This is so not worth making a fuss about.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You can't tell your guests, not even children, what to wear to your wedding. So you should let it go. Your fi's daughter is the flower girl, no matter what anyone else is wearing to the wedding.

    I like LoveMuffin's idea. Have your flower girl wear a color that matches the bms.

                       
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    vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just let it go - you've already brought it up once, don't bring it up again.  You can't tell other people what to wear.  Your FI's daughter will be the one walking down the aisle, she won't care what the other girls are wearing and she won't feel slighted (especially if you don't say anything to her about it).
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    thatsmrs.2uthatsmrs.2u member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So just to clear this up for everyone who thinks I'm an overbearing bridezilla.....I probably should have been a little more specific from the beginning. I'm concerned for my step-daughter not for myself. She has really low self-esteem and I really didn't want her to feel like they look "cuter" than she does on that day. This has been an issue before. I know other guest won't mistake them for the flower girls but I think she'll feel a little less important. If they are wearing the same color as she is. I can't have her wear the same colors as the BM's b/c they are wearing black. I've just decided to return the dress I bought for her and find her a better dress. Thanks for all the advice!! 
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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-even-bother-saying-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6e02ea51-ac99-45ae-a25b-52ad21f34c87Post:ee5acaa5-5d3e-4824-be4a-8921c8274915">Re: Should I even bother saying anything?????</a>:
    [QUOTE]So just to clear this up for everyone who thinks I'm an overbearing bridezilla.....I probably should have been a little more specific from the beginning. I'm concerned for my step-daughter not for myself. She has really low self-esteem and I really didn't want her to feel like they look "cuter" than she does on that day. This has been an issue before. I know other guest won't mistake them for the flower girls but I think she'll feel a little less important. If they are wearing the same color as she is. I can't have her wear the same colors as the BM's b/c they are wearing black. I've just decided to return the dress I bought for her and find her a better dress. Thanks for all the advice!! 
    Posted by thatsmrs.2u[/QUOTE]
    If your worried that your step daughter won't feel as special then maybe give her a little corsage or something so she has a little extra.  Or maybe add a couple of flowers to her hair.  This may make her feel like she stands out a bit more.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    retread:  I'm thinking there was a misunderstanding from the get-go here.  Momzilla made the mistake of ASSUMING that her little snowflake(s) would be in the WP, so started looking for FG dresses.

    When OP said they weren't in the wedding, I think Momzilla improvised on the spot to make it appear that she wasn't assuming.  And this is where things ended up.

    However, you may well be right.  Momzilla (aka Mumsy) may just be trying to promote her little cherubs.  She should get in touch with the mom who is insisting that her 9 year old DD sing at the reception.  They sound like a match made in heaven.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    http://www.flowergirldressforless.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Store_Code=Flower-Girl&Category_Code=Black

    I would not necessarily rule black out entirely....there are some darling dresses on this website.....and some classic prints as well!  If you check out the options under the color "silver" there are also some beautiful dresses as well. 

    Do you have an accent color?  Perhaps she could wear a dress that features your accent color and be the "opposite" of the bridesmaids. 

    I tend to agree with Retread a bit, but at the same time, it is absolutely nothing to sweat!  Make your fiance's daughter look and feel beautiful in her appearance and confidence by rising above the drama and keeping the focus in the right place!
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I don't think you're a bridezilla.
    Why don't you let your step-daughter pick a dress that she thinks is beautiful? It would help build her confidence to know that you trust her taste.
                       
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    For the record:  not a single person called you an overbearing bridezilla.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If it bothers you this much, there's only one thing you can do: Ignore.  Ignore.  Ignore.

    Several of our guests wore ivory or white dresses to our wedding, including DH's 9 year old cousin who wore a dress that looked like a FG dress.  They weren't trying to make a statement or steal my thunder; they wanted to wear that color.  It's their right.  There's no law against it.  No one thought anything of it.  In a group of 150 people, the law of averages says some people will wear white.  Let it go.  

    I don't think you're a bridezilla, but I also think this is 1) something you have no say over, and 2) not worth spilling another drop of energy over.
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-even-bother-saying-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6e02ea51-ac99-45ae-a25b-52ad21f34c87Post:ee5acaa5-5d3e-4824-be4a-8921c8274915">Re: Should I even bother saying anything?????</a>:
    [QUOTE]So just to clear this up for everyone who thinks I'm an overbearing bridezilla.....I probably should have been a little more specific from the beginning. I'm concerned for my step-daughter not for myself. She has really low self-esteem and I really didn't want her to feel like they look "cuter" than she does on that day. This has been an issue before. I know other guest won't mistake them for the flower girls but I think she'll feel a little less important. If they are wearing the same color as she is. I can't have her wear the same colors as the BM's b/c they are wearing black. I've just decided to return the dress I bought for her and find her a better dress. Thanks for all the advice!! 
    Posted by thatsmrs.2u[/QUOTE]

    Not one person came close to calling you a bridezilla.  As for your step daughter, you don't improve her self esteem by making sure she is the cutest little girl that day.  You do it by teaching her to be confident in her decisions and to not care what others are wearing in this case.  This is coming from somebody who had serious self esteem issues for years from bullying in grade school.

    Why not take her out for a day of shopping and let her pick her dress?
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    thatsmrs.2uthatsmrs.2u member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    thanks tldh....that's exactly what we did yesterday..and she loves her new ree so I don't think the self-esteem thing will be a problem day of!
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    fancynewbeccafancynewbecca
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-even-bother-saying-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6e02ea51-ac99-45ae-a25b-52ad21f34c87Post:ee5acaa5-5d3e-4824-be4a-8921c8274915">Re: Should I even bother saying anything?????</a>:
    [QUOTE]So just to clear this up for everyone who thinks I'm an overbearing bridezilla.....I probably should have been a little more specific from the beginning. I'm concerned for my step-daughter not for myself. She has really low self-esteem and I really didn't want her to feel like they look "cuter" than she does on that day. This has been an issue before. I know other guest won't mistake them for the flower girls but I think she'll feel a little less important. If they are wearing the same color as she is. I can't have her wear the same colors as the BM's b/c they are wearing black. I've just decided to return the dress I bought for her and find her a better dress. Thanks for all the advice!! 
    Posted by thatsmrs.2u[/QUOTE]

    I think it's kind of you to be thoughtful of your flower girl's feelings, but... My BMs and my FGs are all wearing black. My FGs will have little white sweaters because they are little girls who should have a little modesty.

    You can make her feel special in other ways too. What about taking her to get her nails painted or get her hair curled? That way you can help her feel special too.
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