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Bridesmaid vent - ugh!

leamideleamide
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in Moms and Maids

I don't want to sound mean, but I'm just ready for everything to be over with the wedding planning. We are getting married in August and I'm tired already of my bridesmaids!

My bridesmaids asked me and my fiance where and what dates we could do the party we would like to have our bridal shower (we are having a jack & Jill style party). They gave us 2 dates for the whole summer and one was 2 weeks before the wedding.
My sister-in-law offered her place to have the shower. They have a lot of land and it would be good to be able to be outside in the summer so I guys could do what they wanted (we play a lot of yard games) and the ladies could do what they wanted to. Their place is only 25 miles away, which isn't a big deal, we live in a rural area.

Well, my one bridesmaid is hurting for cash bad! She suggested they have it at a local club where they will charge you $50 to rent the room and you have to buy your drinks (non and alcoholic drinks) from the bar. Her whole "thinking" of having it at the club is so SHE can drink and would be closer to home for her. There is absolutely nothing there that would keep the guys interested besides a pool table and dart board. Plus she would have to pay for drinks which would cost her more in the end, if she would just either drink what she has at home or buy a bottle of wine to take with her.
She also stated that it would be cheaper to have it there so the bridesmaids wouldn't have to buy the liquor to have at the party. (My fiancés side of the family DOESN'T EVEN DRINK!!!) I suggested to have it at my sister-in-laws and only serve Iced Tea and Lemonade and put on the invite what is being served and if someone wanted something else it's BYOB. In the long run it would be cheaper for her to have it else where besides the club and if she wanted to drink  I'm sure we could get her home.
What doesn't make any sense to me is, if you didn't want our input for the bridal shower, than WHY did they ask, if they were just planning on having it when and where they wanted to anyways! UGH!!!  AND doesn't she SEE that the cost of the club and buying her drinks there, it STILL would be cheaper to have it somewhere for FREE.

-I know it will try out fine wherever it is held, but it is just frustrating to no end. It seems like yet some more stress they are giving me on top of all the wedding planning stress! ugh!

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Re: Bridesmaid vent - ugh!

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Complete honesty here...stay out of it! 

    This is your bridal shower (or Jack and Jill).  You and your FI should have absolutely no part in the planning of this event.  You need to let your BMs and whoever else planning it work it out amongst themselves.  You are stressing over something that shouldn't even be a concern for you.  If your BMs come to you to complain or discuss this party, simply tell them that whatever they decide will be wonderful and that you, as the bride, really should stay out of it because planning a party for yourself is rude.

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    leamideleamide
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    I understand I should be staying out of the planning. they askes us 2 questions when and where. I gave my suggestions and that was when my one bridesmaid gave her opinion. I have also tell the BM's know my sister-in-law and future mother-in-law would like to help out with the planning of the shower, that was all the more that was said to them about that. I have "heard" there are emails flying around about the shower, I have no other idea about it.

    In my case I have gotten frustrated because the BM's have exchanged information with each other over 2 times and I am the one that gets text messages or emails "asking when it would be a good time to call so-and-so, do you have so-and-so's contact info. I'm like, really we are all adults and I don't mind helping you get in contact with each other, but it is a little rediculious that neither one of them by now knows how to contact the other.

    Like I stayed above whenever they decide will be fine with us and I'm sure it will be a great shower in the end. It's just frustrating "hearing" all the concerns around it. BUT, I will take your advise and tell them I don't want to hear or discuss the shower, that's all on them.
    THANKS!Laughing
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I agree with Maggie. The hosts should hash out the details between themselves and leave you out of it. As long as they clear the date and guest list with you, they should be able to handle the rest.

                       
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2012
    If you have been presented with two ideas, then I think it's fine to state your preference. I think you are saying that one of your bms wants to have your shower at 'the club' so that everyone can drink at their own expense. IMO, it's rude to expect the guests to pay for anything at your shower, so I would politely turn down her offer of that type of shower. Your guests should not have to take out their wallets, at all.

    ETA - Is this Jack and Jill a regular shower with the guests bringing gifts or is this supposed to be a fundraiser type of party?
                       
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    OBX2011OBX2011 member
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    My question is why would you be serving alcohol at your bridal shower anyways?  Even if your FI is coming and it's a Jack & Jill, I don't think alcohol is appropriate to have at any shower.

    And yes, you should stay out if completely and let the deal with it.  They shouldn't even be coming to you about any of this to begin with and if they bring it up, simply tell them that you do not want to be part of the planning and they can figure everything out.

     

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    leamideleamide
    First Comment

    MairaPoppy - I kinda feel the same way, but didn't want to come right out to say to my BM's that I thought it was a little rude to make guess pay for drinks.
     
    - Just me thinking out loud - I understand the stress of not having cash, so I don't think it would be at all a big deal to not serve alochol at all. It doesn't cost much of anything to make some Iced Tea or other kool-aid style drinks, but that is my opinion. And I also don't think anyone would miss it.

    Jack & Jill shower is one that has both Groom and Bride at the shower. My fiance` wanted it that way. I'm not sure what to think of a shower like that, but if that is what he wanted, it will be okay with me.

    Thanks! :)

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-vent-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:71399509-adc4-450d-9824-5b51c0400becPost:e971ef49-2781-4de0-a7d1-238bc7bd14e5">Re: Bridesmaid vent - ugh!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My question is why would you be serving alcohol at your bridal shower anyways?  Even if your FI is coming and it's a Jack & Jill, I don't think alcohol is appropriate to have at any shower. And yes, you should stay out if completely and let the deal with it.  They shouldn't even be coming to you about any of this to begin with and if they bring it up, simply tell them that you do not want to be part of the planning and they can figure everything out.
    Posted by OBX2011[/QUOTE]

    Sangria was served at my shower for all the guests and then if someone wanted a glass of wine or some other drink with their food they were more then welcomed to order it.

    I think serving alcohol is fine because typically the shower guests know that the shower isn't a time to get sh$t faced.  In OP case, I don't see anything wrong with having a variety of beer and wine to drink because it sounds like what is being planned and agreed upon by most of her BMs is an outdoor BBQ party.

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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    @OBX- I think this is a regional thing.It's typical around here to offer some type of alcoholic beverage, usually wine, a 'signature' cocktail or spiked punch in addition to soft drinks. I have never been to a shower where this wasn't done. Not to say it is required, though. It's perfectly fine to offer soft drinks, coffee or whatever the host wants to provide, as long as the guests are not expected to pay their own way.
                       
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    OBX2011OBX2011 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-vent-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:71399509-adc4-450d-9824-5b51c0400becPost:fb0f353e-3d31-4b35-8de1-8efed10b29c3">Re: Bridesmaid vent - ugh!</a>:
    [QUOTE]@OBX- I <strong>think this is a regional thing</strong>.It's typical around here to offer some type of alcoholic beverage, usually wine, a 'signature' cocktail or spiked punch in addition to soft drinks. I have never been to a shower where this wasn't done. Not to say it is required, though. It's perfectly fine to offer soft drinks, coffee or whatever the host wants to provide, as long as the guests are not expected to pay their own way.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    Ahhhhhh...well that makes more sense.  I always find it interesting to learn what other wedding do's and don'ts other parts of the country choose to include with their wedding and all of the pre-wedding festivities

     

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    iloveu4everiloveu4ever member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-vent-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:71399509-adc4-450d-9824-5b51c0400becPost:522f9273-5e1f-4810-8954-4955105fc871">Re: Bridesmaid vent - ugh!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Complete honesty here...stay out of it!  This is your bridal shower (or Jack and Jill).  You and your FI should have absolutely no part in the planning of this event.  You need to let your BMs and whoever else planning it work it out amongst themselves.  You are stressing over something that shouldn't even be a concern for you.  If your BMs come to you to complain or discuss this party, simply tell them that whatever they decide will be wonderful and that you, as the bride, really should stay out of it because planning a party for yourself is rude.
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]



    I agree.

     
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    owengirl996owengirl996 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-vent-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:71399509-adc4-450d-9824-5b51c0400becPost:fb0f353e-3d31-4b35-8de1-8efed10b29c3">Re: Bridesmaid vent - ugh!</a>:
    [QUOTE]@OBX- I think this is a regional thing.It's typical around here to offer some type of alcoholic beverage, usually wine, a 'signature' cocktail or spiked punch in addition to soft drinks. I have never been to a shower where this wasn't done. Not to say it is required, though. It's perfectly fine to offer soft drinks, coffee or whatever the host wants to provide, as long as the guests are not expected to pay their own way.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yep yep, totally regional! I moved out here from Indiana 2 years ago and was SHOCKED that there was an open bar at a high school graduation party!! Never in a million years would my family have alcohol at a shower, birthday party, family gatherings, grad party...anything but a wedding! (And even then, it's usually a "signature" punch with 7up and some flavor of sorbet LOL)</div><div>
    </div><div>Anyway, I agree with others on staying out of it. Maybe just give your opinion when asked, and hopefully they will take it into consideration. Just be prepared that they might not! That way it doesn't bother you as much when they don't :)</div>
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    OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-vent-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:71399509-adc4-450d-9824-5b51c0400becPost:e971ef49-2781-4de0-a7d1-238bc7bd14e5">Re: Bridesmaid vent - ugh!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My question is why would you be serving alcohol at your bridal shower anyways?  Even if your FI is coming and it's a Jack & Jill, I don't think alcohol is appropriate to have at any shower. And yes, you should stay out if completely and let the deal with it.  They shouldn't even be coming to you about any of this to begin with and if they bring it up, simply tell them that you do not want to be part of the planning and they can figure everything out.
    Posted by OBX2011[/QUOTE]

    I would not go to a shower where there wasn't alcohol. Every shower I have been to served alcohol. I also would not go to a shower where I had to pay drinks myself. Alcohol should be served at every shower and should be free of charge to all the guests. IMO. Makes for much happier guests. :)
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