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Choosing an Officiant - HELP!

ajordan627ajordan627 member
Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
All,

My fiance and I are having a destination wedding and I am having the heardest time choosing an officiant.  I hired a wedding coordinator, and so far I've found something I didn't like about every officiant she has suggested so far.  In my opiniion, the ceremony (and hence the person who performs the ceremony) is the most important part of the wedding, and I want to make sure the officiant is a perfect fit for us and for our views.  I'm wondering if I'm being a bit too picky though, and then I wonder if it is because I'm hiring someone to marry us that is, in reality, a complete stranger.  Has anyone else run into this problem?  If so, how were you able to choose an officiant, and were you happy with your choice in the end? Any tips would be much appreciated!

Best,
A
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Re: Choosing an Officiant - HELP!

  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Where is your DW going to be? Would you consider a family member to do the ceremony? I don't know much about it, but there are ways to get 'ordained' for a day to perform a ceremony. 
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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I think you're overthinking things a bit.

    Couples that belong to a church often have zero choice who the officiant is. It is most often, by default, the pastor or priest of that church.

    Couples get married in the courthouse every day and they don't get to "choose" their officiant, either! They get the judge performing marriages that day.

    The most important thing is that the officiant can legally marry you and FI.
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  • ajordan627ajordan627 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper
    MissSunshine - the DW will be in the Florida Keys.  I've thought about having a friend become ordained to perform the ceremony (there's all kinds of ways to go about it online), but I'm just not sure.  We jokingly asked a friend, which turned into a serious conversation, but he's kind of nervous about it, and I don't think I should push him if he's not comfortable.

    itzMS - No offense, but I think you're missing the point of my question.  Of course the most imporant thing is that the person performing the ceremony is legally able to do so, but we want a ceremony that means more to us than that.  If a couple belongs to a church and they choose to marry in a church, then I would assume they know and have some sort of relationship with the pastor/priest/rabbi/etc.  We have chosen to not marry in a church, as we do not belong to a church.  If a person decides to get married in a courthouse, I would likewise assume they understand they're "spinning the wheel" so to speak on who the person is that will be performing the ceremony, and that it's probably not a big deal to them anyway. 
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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_choosing-an-officiant-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:bad18de2-9e3f-4b50-8d54-8e3d42533140Post:0db1fcad-189d-4ef5-a2e0-73c69098b9bb">Re: Choosing an Officiant - HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]itzMS - No offense, but I think you're missing the point of my question.  Of course the most imporant thing is that the person performing the ceremony is legally able to do so, but we want a ceremony that means more to us than that.  If a couple belongs to a church and they choose to marry in a church, then I would assume they know and have some sort of relationship with the pastor/priest/rabbi/etc.  We have chosen to not marry in a church, as we do not belong to a church.  If a person decides to get married in a courthouse, I would likewise assume they understand they're "spinning the wheel" so to speak on who the person is that will be performing the ceremony, and that it's probably not a big deal to them anyway. 
    Posted by ajordan627[/QUOTE]

    Nope. Not missing the point.

    FWIW, my parish has well over 5,000 members. Needless to say, we don't have a close relationship with our priest.

    And I think you're being presumptuous if you think that couples who get married by a JOP don't find it to be a big deal.

    An officiant, at the end of the day, is a paid vendor. While I understand the ceremony is super important, it is ultimately what you make of it and the love you and FI have. The officiant doesn't make the ceremony. Unless you choose a close friend or family member to be your officiant, I would think you're overthinking things a bit if you want the officiant to get to know you and FI on a truly personal level.
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  • AllyciaMae921AllyciaMae921 member
    First Comment
    We are having my step-dad perform the ceremony. He got ordained on-line for about $10. Neither one of us are religious, and we didn't want to have someone mention God or anything of the sort during our day, and my step-dad is just the person to do it. He feels very honored that we chose him.
    I don't think you're being picky. That person plays a very important role in your wedding.
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