Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

MOG not wanting to pay for alcohol

Hello,

My future mother-in-law does not want an open bar, however, it is included with the buffet, so we just got pricing for what the food was versus alcohol so the groom's side could cover the alcohol.  Since she does not want an open bar, is this now an expense that I am responsible for?

Re: MOG not wanting to pay for alcohol

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_mog-not-wanting-to-pay-for-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:ef550682-4ad6-4b1a-b4fe-71e9aeb89fdfPost:dcaee85c-97b1-4b5d-a94d-3304ae96c19e">MOG not wanting to pay for alcohol</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello, My future mother-in-law does not want an open bar, however, it is included with the buffet, so we just got pricing for what the food was versus alcohol so the groom's side could cover the alcohol.  Since she does not want an open bar, is this now an expense that I am responsible for?
    Posted by caitdate[/QUOTE]

    Your entire wedding is an expense that you and your FI are responsible for.  If parents want to pay for parts or give you a lump sum to put towards it, great but it is in no way required.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • Yes, your FMIL has every right to do what she wants with her money. If she doesn't want to pay for the alcohol, then it's you and your FI's responsibility to handle it.
  • Yep.  If you want it and no one offers to pay, then it's up to you.
  • No one but you and your FI are responsible for paying for your wedding. Plain and simple. Anyone who OFFERS to pay is very generous but it is absolutely not necessary. Pay for your open bar yourself.


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  • OP, my best friends had a traditional wedding like yours, I think, where the bride's parents paid for most of the wedding/reception and the groom's family did the rehearsal dinner.  Because the bride's parents don't really drink, they didn't want to pay for an open bar, so the groom's parents kindly offered to do it instead. 

    It sounds like your FMIL offered to cover food, but since alcohol is included in the entire cost you're wondering if it needs to be separated out.  Since she doesn't want to pay for the bar, then, yes, that part of the payment is up to you.

    As you've probably guessed from PPs, most brides and grooms pay for their own weddings unless they're lucky enough to receive help from family.  It is no longer "traditional" for the bride's family to pay for everything and if you word your post like you think it is, some posters will jump on you.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_mog-not-wanting-to-pay-for-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:ef550682-4ad6-4b1a-b4fe-71e9aeb89fdfPost:4d8d94c5-9718-48a3-9a43-cdeaf08e066a">Re: MOG not wanting to pay for alcohol</a>:
    [QUOTE]OP, my best friends had a traditional wedding like yours, I think, where the bride's parents paid for most of the wedding/reception and the groom's family did the rehearsal dinner.  Because the bride's parents don't really drink, they didn't want to pay for an open bar, so the groom's parents kindly offered to do it instead.  It sounds like your FMIL offered to cover food, but since alcohol is included in the entire cost you're wondering if it needs to be separated out.  Since she doesn't want to pay for the bar, then, yes, that part of the payment is up to you. As you've probably guessed from PPs, most brides and grooms pay for their own weddings unless they're lucky enough to receive help from family.  It is no longer "traditional" for the bride's family to pay for everything and if you word your post like you think it is, some posters will jump on you.
    Posted by stantokm[/QUOTE]

    Nobody was confused here by how she worded her post nor did anyone jump on her.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_mog-not-wanting-to-pay-for-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:ef550682-4ad6-4b1a-b4fe-71e9aeb89fdfPost:3b20664a-055b-4bb2-9d1e-a7b5f07fc812">Re: MOG not wanting to pay for alcohol</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOG not wanting to pay for alcohol : Nobody was confused here by how she worded her post nor did anyone jump on her.
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    And I gave her the same advice as you did.  While there was maybe only one comment that could have been worded a little bit nicer, I didn't actually accuse anyone of jumping on her in this post.  I was warning her for future posts that she might make because I've seen it before and she's new.  I should have been more clear.
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  • Are you the bride?  If so, you and the groom are responsible for all bills for your wedding.  If the MOG (or anyone else) has promised to pay for something, don't count on it unless, and until, that payment has been delivered.
  • ...Or you could just say her money will directly go to the food, and not the alcohol.  She can even denote in the reason section of the check "caterer" if that makes her feel better.  

    In no way does she HAVE to pay for anything, but how hard is it to "put" her money towards food and appetizers, and have your parents pay the difference, which equates to everyone paying the exact same amount they intended to.  
    image

    Previously Alaynajuliana


  • I actually do think some people are confused.  It sounds like OP's parents are paying for the buffet and she actually sat down and calculated how much of the cost would be for the bar and she approached the groom's family about paying for it because it's "traditional."   

    Anyway, the point still remains: if the in-laws don't offer to pay for the bar, it's the responsibility of the bride and groom. 
  • Yeah, Nola, I agree with you on that.  Sounds like she approached FMIL because it is "traditional"
  • I know that I come from a different place, but where I am from it is tradition for the bride's parents to pay for all of the reception. So it is strange to me that your FMIL would pay for any of it. 

    That being said, you cannot force her to pay for an open bar. I am not having an alcohol at my wedding but there is a bar that will be open in the facility (a country club) where people can go buy their own drinks. If you want something then consider a signature drink or two. 
    ~Emily~
  • If you don't want to accept what your FMIL is willing to pay for, I'm afraid you will have to pay for it.
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