Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Moms and Maids
Moms and Maids
New Discussion
Options

Out of town bridesmaid.

beckaleckabeckalecka
First Comment First Anniversary
in Moms and Maids

I am going to be a bridesmaid and I live in a different state than the bride. The bride insisted that I fly down so that the other bridesmaids and I could all try on dresses together. I am a little bitter because it is going to cost me a couple hundred dollars for the flight and the rental car and then I will have to pay for the dress on top of that. All the other bridesmaids live in the same town as the bride. So, no one else has to spend that kind of money. Does this seem like an unreasonable request from the bride?

Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Report Reply to Post

Re: Out of town bridesmaid.

  • Options
    msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    It's nice that she wants to include you, but it would not be unreasonable for you to decline. Tell her that while you can't be there, you are excited to see what styles they like, and maybe you'd like to send her some styles that you like so maybe the rest can try them on. Also, let her know that once she picks one or a few out, you would be happy to go to a local store and try them on (if feasible). Otherwise, just say you trust her to pick something great.

    I was a long distance bridesmaid and I didn't make it back to try on dresses. She picked one that was flattering on all different kinds of body styles. While I never did get around to trying it on somewhere else, I called up her local shop and bought it there and ahd it fitted when I few back for the shower. I only flew to her for the shower and wedding itself.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
    Report Reply
  • Options
    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2012
    You don't have to go. Decline graciously. Give her your budget. Then I'd be pretty amenable to going with the group consensus after that. Once it's decided, either get the dress in Seattle or order it from her shop with your measurements.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Tonya729Tonya729 member
    First Comment

    You can decline nicely like the others said... When she picks out the dress and style she likes, try this webiste...www.netbride.com I have had several of my friends use this website to order there dresses on. Im also considering this for my BM's. I've also been told that this website sells dresses alot cheper than the bridal salons. It'll be the exact dress that they will get. You  could just go to a bridal salon in your area and get measured. It would be alot easier for you and she should understand.

    Report Reply
  • Options
    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    There is absolutely no reason you should have to make a special (and expensive!) trip to look at dresses. Yes, it is an unreasonable request from the bride!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    It is fine that she invited you so that you felt included, but you are well within your right to decline. She should definitely not expect or try to force you to be there. I would not go either just to try on dresses. Give her your budget for a dress, and if need be, you can even send your measurements to that store if it isn't a chain like DB. She should understand.


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
    Report Reply
  • Options
    PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Yes that's unreasonable of her if she forces the issue.  The only flight that was taken to try on dresses for my wedding was ME flying out to see my MOH and going to a local wedding shop in her area.  And that was only because I was seeing her adorable little newborn girl (my neice) in the same trip. 
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

    Report Reply
  • Options
    libby2483libby2483 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_out-of-town-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6873fee6-b38d-4d6a-896f-af374486ca6dPost:fb550377-a162-4a85-8d45-8471b8437659">Re: Out of town bridesmaid.</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is fine that she invited you so that you felt included, but you are well within your right to decline. She should definitely not expect or try to force you to be there. I would not go either just to try on dresses. Give her your budget for a dress, and if need be, you can even send your measurements to that store if it isn't a chain like DB. She should understand.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.  One of my BMs couldn't come with the rest of the girls to try on dresses.  Since we ordered from a local bridal shop, she just got measured elsewhere and sent her measurements in.  </div>
    Report Reply
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Definitely not a requirement that you make the extra expense of travel, especially with the costs of flights and time away from work/school obligations. I agree with the PP that you should be able to provide input and see options by sharing pictures, etc online. My cousin was my only out of state BP member and she had no problem speaking up and sending suggestions and ideas via email, text, and phone calls. It worked great for all of us and those that were available came to try dresses on and those who couldn't had the opportunity for input.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    beckaleckabeckalecka
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I told her that I really could afford to fly out for dress shopping and she is still insisting that I come out. She said she needs all her bridesmaids together. Her sister, who is also a bridesmaid also tried to convince her that I didn't need to come but she is still insisting. I have a really hard time saying no. I just don't know what to do. It makes me not want to be in the wedding anymore.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Options
    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You have a very difficult decision. I'm sorry she is so difficult. I still wouldn't go.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Ditto PP's, just tell her no. She can insist all she wants, but if she won't let you say no, then I suggest only attending the wedding as a guest...
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    beckaleckabeckalecka
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I am going to tell her tonight that I am not going to be in the wedding. She is just really inconsiderate in other things beside the wedding and I am tired of putting up with it. Thanks ladies for the advice.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Options
    girl4182girl4182 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I think it's great that she wanted to include you. Seeing how it's an exspensive trip though I would explain that it's not really in your budjet right now and you'd like to save the cash for a bridal shower, or maybe even the wedding it's self. I'm sure she'll understand and may even expect you to decline. Maybe ask her to send you some pics of dresses she was considering or be available to receive txts or emails during her scheduloed apointment so she can show you what they are trying on that way it show's you're still interested and you're still involved. I'm sure if she didn't ask you'd feel a little left out. I wouldn't sweat it. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    nicole808nicole808
    First Comment
    the bride choose same style for all of her bridesmaid? if yes, could she send your size of dress, then you show her some pictures so that the bride could make sure she want.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_out-of-town-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6873fee6-b38d-4d6a-896f-af374486ca6dPost:dadb1d2d-86b8-4ff8-afa8-d40c3e40f3a9">Re: Out of town bridesmaid.</a>:
    [QUOTE]the bride choose same style for all of her bridesmaid? if yes, could she send your size of dress, then you show her some pictures so that the bride could make sure she want.
    Posted by nicole808[/QUOTE]
    This doesn't make sense.



    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards