Bridal Shower Problems

[Deleted User] · February 2013

Hey all,

I'm getting really, really nervous about the bridal shower that's being planned for me. I was hoping for some advice, or at least someone to talk me down from the ledge if I'm being unreasonable!

My shower is planned for March 9th. All of my family is from out of state (most are at least a plane ride away), so I requested that the invites go out by February 5th so they could have them in hand four weeks prior. I handed off my list for the invitations along with addresses to my MOH about two months ago. Three weeks ago, I gave her another copy of it because she'd misplaced it.

One thing has led to another, and the bridal shower invitations still have not been sent, or even ordered. I talked to my MOH last night, and she's having a personal crisis (the guy she was dating broke up with her), so she's overwhelmed and really upset. She said something about ordering them and that they would take a week to come in, and I'm doing the math in my head and it's just not enough time. I offered to help design the invites so we could print them out at home, but I know that's not really my job or my place, so I don't expect her to take me up on it. I'm also going to suggest FedEx/Kinko's or Walgreens or something for quick invitations.

At my request, my MOH emailed my out of town family to at least give them a heads up about their pending invitations along with the date and time so they could try to book accomodations and travel plans if needed, which I really appreciated. But I'm thinking at this point that if the invitations don't go out by February 12th so they're in hand three weeks prior to the event, that we should just call off the shower altogether. I know she'd be upset about it, and one of the other bridesmaids would be livid (she was the one that insisted on the shower), but I don't honestly think anyone is going to be able to make it. Most people already have plans for that weekend by now. My mother has booked a flight to come to the shower, and that weekend is the only one that worked for everyone--so we can't move the date, either.

What do I do? I'm seriously about to print out invitations right this second and send them myself. My mother and my FI's mother (not to mention the other BM) are going to be so disappointed if the shower doesn't happen. I know my MOH is going through personal struggles right now, but I don't want to deal with this shower drama. I don't know what to do. Any advice?

tiny speck · February 2013

Honestly, I would stay out of it since it's not your event to plan. It would suck to have not many people able to come after all, but there must be a few local people who can make it even with short notice. Even if the invites are sent late and people have to decline, I'm sure they'll still enjoy getting invited, and will probably send a gift off your registry anyways (if they're family after all!). It would be a shame to cancel it altogether.

I suppose another option would be to see if the date can be moved a couple of weeks (especially as invites haven't even been ordered), assuming that it would still be convenient for you and those planning the shower.

Be thankful and feel lucky that someone is even trying to organize a shower. All of my family/FI's family are in Canada and the US, and won't be arriving here (England) until a few days before the wedding. No friends here have offered to throw a shower either. It bums me out a bit not to have some of the traditional wedding parties, but in the end, life throws all kinds of crap at you and you just have to deal with it. (not meaning to sound harsh at all btw)

[Deleted User] · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_bridal-shower-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:7cc12d97-9f6a-4a54-b834-9e26e1cbad6fPost:c92ac4db-3574-4809-ba60-4d0582397f61">Re: Bridal Shower Problems</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I would stay out of it since it's not your event to plan. It would suck to have not many people able to come after all, but there must be a few local people who can make it even with short notice. Even if the invites are sent late and people have to decline, I'm sure they'll still enjoy getting invited, and will probably send a gift off your registry anyways (if they're family after all!). It would be a shame to cancel it altogether. I suppose another option would be to see if the date can be moved a couple of weeks (especially as invites haven't even been ordered), assuming that it would still be convenient for you and those planning the shower. Be thankful and feel lucky that someone is even trying to organize a shower. All of my family/FI's family are in Canada and the US, and won't be arriving here (England) until a few days before the wedding. No friends here have offered to throw a shower either. It bums me out a bit not to have some of the traditional wedding parties, but in the end, life throws all kinds of crap at you and you just have to deal with it. (not meaning to sound harsh at all btw)
Posted by tiny speck[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>I'm sorry if I sound ungrateful; I'm not. I'm stressed out because the MOH is coming to me and telling me that invites haven't been ordered or sent, etc. I'm very grateful, but I'm also upset that everything is so last minute that most of my family won't be able to attend. As I said, we can't move the date of the shower. I wish it were that easy, but it's not.</div><div>
</div>

redjellybean128 · February 2013

Can your mother or FMIL or even your other bridesmaid take over the respsonsibility of the invitations? That way it frees up your MOH to deal with her personal stuff...

vk2204 · February 2013

If I were in your shoes, I would be freaking out. Heck I am freaking out because I haven't sent the wedding invitations out yet.

Are the invitations made up, just not printed? I made my shower invitations, because my mom was going crazy doing everything else. If they are I would just ask her to order them right now and have them shipped like 2nd day or something. Yeah it will cost more, but you are running out of time. Or just go to hallmark or party city and get the write in invitations.

OR if you are okay with it, you could do an evite for your shower.

[Deleted User] · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_bridal-shower-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:7cc12d97-9f6a-4a54-b834-9e26e1cbad6fPost:39c76355-28be-40c5-8a4e-1e09d4b812e3">Re: Bridal Shower Problems</a>:
[QUOTE]If I were in your shoes, I would be freaking out. Heck I am freaking out because I haven't sent the wedding invitations out yet. Are the invitations made up, just not printed? I made my shower invitations, because my mom was going crazy doing everything else. If they are I would just ask her to order them right now and have them shipped like 2nd day or something. Yeah it will cost more, but you are running out of time. Or just go to hallmark or party city and get the write in invitations. OR if you are okay with it, you could do an evite for your shower.
Posted by vk2204[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes! I hadn't thought of the write-in ones. I might suggest those, too. The invitations aren't even designed at this point. I know MOH is busy at work (she just made partner, yay!) and now with the breakup, she's really not on top of her game. </div><div>
</div><div>They're having a meeting on Sunday to talk about the shower (FI slipped and said something, that's how I found out), so I guess I should just relax. The other BM that really wanted the shower is a take-charge, get-it-done kind of woman, so she'll probably take it over and make sure it gets done ASAP. There's been a bit of drama between MOH and BM over control issues, but hopefully MOH will just let her do it. I did suggest she go ahead and delegate some of her stuff to the other 3 BMs. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm just biting my nails and twiddling my thumbs over here and it's killing me! I know I'm not supposed to help, but I feel so utterly useless.</div>

tiny speck · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_bridal-shower-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:7cc12d97-9f6a-4a54-b834-9e26e1cbad6fPost:4724cc9d-4580-404d-a82e-af4b27b5c31b">Re: Bridal Shower Problems</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Shower Problems : I'm sorry if I sound ungrateful; I'm not. I'm stressed out because the MOH is coming to me and telling me that invites haven't been ordered or sent, etc. I'm very grateful, but I'm also upset that everything is so last minute that most of my family won't be able to attend. As I said, we can't move the date of the shower. I wish it were that easy, but it's not.
Posted by von1976[/QUOTE]

Sorry I came off harsher than I meant to. I guess showers and parties are more of a touchy issue for me than I thought. :( I *am* sorry that things are ending up tricky like this for you. Hopefully a solution will come through soon.

vk2204 · February 2013

I would try and get more information about what they plan on doing for Sunday. That day is leaving you with just under a month. I would want my invitations stamped and ready to send out that Monday, especially if most guests are out of state. Maybe talk to your take charge BM and see if she can get them done this weekend. Good luck!

[Deleted User] · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_bridal-shower-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:7cc12d97-9f6a-4a54-b834-9e26e1cbad6fPost:fb58307c-f44d-41e0-b331-dccb7c9cf0cb">Re: Bridal Shower Problems</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Shower Problems : Yes! I hadn't thought of the write-in ones. I might suggest those, too. The invitations aren't even designed at this point. I know MOH is busy at work (she just made partner, yay!) and now with the breakup, she's really not on top of her game. They're having a meeting on Sunday to talk about the shower (FI slipped and said something, that's how I found out), so I guess I should just relax. The other BM that really wanted the shower is a take-charge, get-it-done kind of woman, so she'll probably take it over and make sure it gets done ASAP. There's been a bit of drama between MOH and BM over control issues, but hopefully MOH will just let her do it. I did suggest she go ahead and delegate some of her stuff to the other 3 BMs. I'm just biting my nails and twiddling my thumbs over here and it's killing me! I know I'm not supposed to help, but I feel so utterly useless.
Posted by von1976[/QUOTE]

I agree with pp. Get the other BM to step it up and take over. Target has some cute write-in invites and stuff, as well.

My shower is going to be in Pittsburgh and I'm not sure how many people will actually make it. We had to schedule it for the first weekend in April so it was actually warm enough and people would show up and so it wouldn't conflict with Easter. It would have been nice not to have it so close to when I have to move my stuff to FI's the following weekend and then head home to NC a couple of weeks before the wedding but I guess I'll just have to be very transient, as usual ;-)

I'm sure it will all work out if your other BM takes over. You shouldn't have to worry about this with all of the other details you have on your plate with the wedding.

adawn1981 · February 2013

Mine is supposed to be on March 9th as well. It was a huge source of drama awhile ago because my 2 brother's girlfriends are throwing it and they had very different ideas on what/where. Everybody was upset. I sent the addresses a month ago and was told to be on the lookout for my invitation - well, I have not received one yet, and neither have any of the girls on my guest list. I am honored that they are doing this for me and I am trying not to stress, but it's a month away and invites haven't been sent and I am not sure if they have even agreed on the place to have it. I may have a bridal shower with just those 2 girls and me pretty soon! People are busy on weekends and I know I would like to have at minimum a month's notice.... It would be nice to know! Also FI is out of town for work that weekend and I need to know if we need to make arrangements for his kids... It's supposed to be a bridal shower/bachelorette party afterwards, so I certainly will not be driving. I might need to ask soon because it's getting late.

[Deleted User] · February 2013

MOH must have heard the terror in my voice last night, because she said she resolved the invitation issue and will have them out by Monday. She's stopping by our house tonight to pick up the envelopes I agreed to print out. Phew!

Dawn, hang in there! (Easier said than done.) Hopefully they'll figure it out soon...

Speck, no worries. We're all in different situations, and the grass is always greener. I'm sorry that you aren't going to have a bridal shower. As much as I really didn't want one, I'm sure I'll enjoy it and look back on it fondly. You know, after all the stress and tearing my hair out is over with!

adawn1981 · February 2013

Oh I hope so. Just talked to them and my mom and they are all fighting about it still. Now the girls are mad at me for saying it would be easiest at my moms house. I guess her house isn't good enough... Oh well. What's another wedding stress? I would rather not have one and thats a good possibility now.

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