Please help

Sweettart09 · March 2011

Okay so I am the MOH for my cousins wedding, she has went about everything as cheap as possible, with homemade invitations 4 invites on one piece of paper.She is not having food or liqour at the wedding nor is she having it at her bridal shower. The deal is she wants ner bachelorette party at a motel with liqour and food and the theme to be a lingerie party and she wants a lot of people there and I am suppose to pay for everything.Is it wrong of me not to want to do that? What should I do? Does anybody have any suggestions as to what else we could do?

Kniblet · March 2011

You pay for the party that you can afford.

Did she ask you to throw the party or did you volunteer?

Sweettart09 · March 2011

She asked me to, because she said it was the MOH responsibility.

aerinpegadrak · March 2011

She's out of line to ask. I want a new TV and surround sound system, but I'm not going to start hitting up my friends and telling them it's their responsibility to buy one for me. I think you need to politely tell her that a bachelorette party is a gift, and that her entire role in the party is to okay the date and show up. If she's not down with that, you can tell her that you're not going to be able to host the party after all.

Kniblet · March 2011

Whoa. She shouldn't have asked you to do that. Like aerin said, it's a GIFT and you don't ask for gifts.

I didn't have a B party due to my maids all living OOT. But even if they did live here, I would NEVER have asked for a party. And worse, tell someone how to plan it.

Take the advice aerin gave you above.

AutumnFair · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:dbb0bf4a-c1e9-418f-99b8-60610f02749ePost:9a9fd8fe-0f3f-4848-b7e2-44e256f43b06">Please help</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay so I am the MOH for my cousins wedding, she has went about everything as cheap as possible, with homemade invitations 4 invites on one piece of paper.She is not having food or liqour at the wedding nor is she having it at her bridal shower. The deal is she wants ner bachelorette party at a motel with liqour and food and the theme to be a lingerie party and she wants a lot of people there and I am suppose to pay for everything.Is it wrong of me not to want to do that? What should I do? Does anybody have any suggestions as to what else we could do?
Posted by Sweettart09[/QUOTE]

<div>The Bride is being very rude. Pre-wedding parties are not a given, they are optional gifts that can be hosted by anyone (besides the Bride). She shouldn't be telling you to do all this stuff, when a person volunteers to host, the hostess gets to plan the party how ever she wants it. Personally, if you don't want to do it at all, say, "I love you cuz, but right now I'm financially tight with things."</div><div>
</div><div> If you do want to host something, do something in which you can afford, her demands do not need to be met, I have had friends that wanted to go a certain more expensive route for their bachelorette parties. What I did was just assured them that they would have a good time, and to leave the planning to the hostess. Once again pre-wedding parties are optionals, if you don't want to do anything, tell your cousin, if you do, plan something that you can afford.</div><div>
</div><div>P.S. You might want to suggest your cousin to come to theknot boards. </div>

Sweettart09 · March 2011

Thank you aerin and kniblet.

Sweettart09 · March 2011

Thanks AutumnFair. I was just not sure how to go about telling her cus she has always been a "spoiled little princess "and gotten everything she wants. The only reason she didnt want food and liqour at the wedding is because she didnt want to have to be stuck there long she isnt even having a dance.

AutumnFair · March 2011

Gotta love the "entitled" princess Brides out there. Basically, you can go two routes, telling her that you can't afford to throw a party or just ignore her everytime she mentions it and change the subject to something else. If you go the "bead dip" aka changing the subject route, she will eventually get that you aren't going to throw her one. Either way, if she is as spoiled as you say I can only hope that she doesn't throw a huge fit.

Good luck to you.

oceana919 · March 2011

Ok, I'll play devil's advocate here.

Yes, you're her MOH. However, that doesn't give you the right to judge whether or not her wedding is "cheap". A lot of women make their own invitations nowadays, in the hopes of saving money, and a lot of times, they turn out beautifully. We are DIYing most of our wedding (including our invites), in the hopes of shuttling what we should have spent towards our first home. However, everything we DIYed, we spent a lot of time and effort (and blood, sweat and tears, lol) making everything beautiful and well-put together. What I'm trying to say is not to assume just because a bride chooses to do it herself automatically means she's cheap.

That being said...

The only duties an MOH has is to wear the right dress, show up, and smile in pictures. Bridal showers and bachelorette parties are gifts to the bride, not something that automatically comes along with getting married. The fact that she told you that that was your responsibility, and then started laying out criteria for you to meet (with no offer to contribute), is extremely rude and selfish.

You have two options - you can throw her a b-party, or not. If you choose to throw her a party, you should throw her a party that you can afford and that you have the time and ability to put together, and she should be thankful for it (though, based on the behavior she's already displayed, good luck trying to get that out of her). If you can afford food and drink for 10 people, then you need to go to the bride and say, "I'm able to throw a bachelorette party for you and nine of your friends, who would you like to invite?" Again, it's a gift from you to her - you shouldn't be forced to go beyond your means.

If you don't have the time, money or desire to throw her a bachelorette party, then don't. If she questions you on it, be honest with her and tell her why you can't throw one. If she wants one bad enough, she'll throw it herself (which will lay all the bad etiquette karma directly on her shoulders...well, what isn't there already).

ps. Do I want to know who's throwing the bridal shower?

frogurt814 · March 2011

Just out of curiosity, what will the reception consist of if there isn't going to be any food, drink or dancing?

mandi921vh · March 2011

You are not required to throw any parties for the bride, even if you are the MOH. It was rude of her to ask you to throw her a party.

Sweettart09 · March 2011

She isnt paying for any of the wedding our grandmother is paying for most of it and she has put no effort at all into it my grandmother has basically done it or I have done it and she was complaining to her mom that I havent been calling her and keeping her on top of things. I am sorry but its not my wedding and you didnt hire me as a wedding planner either. The wedding invites I made for her they didnt look bad but when she cut them they cut the borders off and cut them all crooked and used this cheap yellow looking paper. She had me write addresses of all the guest and wants me to write them again on the invites. The bridal shower is being done by my grandmother as well

dragossoul84 · March 2011

Not saying she was right but your seem really down on her for being the maid of honor why did you take the position if you liked her so little?

Sweettart09 · April 2011

I love her with all of my heart she is like a little sister to me, thats why I am her MOH. I didnt expect her to do it this way. No matter what I will always be there for her, I just dont agree with some of her choices.

chiualover · April 2011

Just to clarify, no refreshments will be served at either the shower, or the reception?

Sweettart09 · April 2011

There will be cake punch and mints

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