Cousin dropped out

daffydillie · January 2013

I am a pretty calm person and it takes a lot to rattle me. I asked my first cousin to be my witness and a bridesmaid for my wedding. FI has 8 people in our bridal party and I had 3. Odd number but it was whatever. Mixed gender sides. Again, whatever.

Tomorrow we are going shopping for the ladies' dresses. The one dress my friend likes is $150 which was well within everyone's budget they told me. FI's friends are getting black dresses to match FI's side and my ladies were getting red dresses. Everyone loved the idea.

So she texted me tonite to tell me she could not afford the dress. I said no big deal we can find something more affordable or I would pay for her dress because it was really important to me she be there. She made a million excuses and I finally said whatever. I am hurt beyond belief. She insists she still wants to help with the wedding but honestly at this point I am just angry. Not only did she know she had no intentions of being in our wedding, she went through all the classes with us at church, and waited until just 4 months out to decide to tell us the truth.

Now I have to find another witness that meets our church's requirements and it just sucks. I honestly dont know if I am going to be able to do it because none of my friends nor familyl involved in our wedding meets the requirements.

To be honest, if she did not want to stand for me which is what this boils down to she should not have agreed to this over 5 months ago and did all the stuff with the church with us.

So ladies, if you cannot stand for someone please be straight forward about it so they can plan accordingly. I would have been less hurt and disappointed if she would have said no off the bat instead of waiting until 4 months out to tell me this. It was quite obvious from our text messages she had no intentions of ever being in our wedding. I even said she could use a dress she already had because I just felt it was important to have my closest family member there and didnt care about the matchy matchy.

AddieCake · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cousin-dropped-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7e1da5ed-990c-440d-b7ee-b354c88393a8Post:c949a5ee-eaf4-44fd-87ec-fc94cc533373">Cousin dropped out</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a pretty calm person and it takes a lot to rattle me. I asked my first cousin to be my witness and a bridesmaid for my wedding. FI has 8 people in our bridal party and I had 3. Odd number but it was whatever. Mixed gender sides. Again, whatever. Tomorrow we are going shopping for the ladies' dresses. The one dress my friend likes is $150 which was well within everyone's budget they told me. FI's friends are getting black dresses to match FI's side and my ladies were getting red dresses. Everyone loved the idea. So she texted me tonite to tell me she could not afford the dress. I said no big deal we can find something more affordable or I would pay for her dress because it was really important to me she be there. She made a million excuses and I finally said whatever. I am hurt beyond belief. She insists she still wants to help with the wedding but honestly at this point I am just angry. <strong>Not only did she know she had no intentions of being in our wedding, </strong>she went through all the classes with us at church, and waited until just 4 months out to decide to tell us the truth.<strong> Now I have to find another witness that meets our church's requirements and it just sucks. I honestly dont know if I am going to be able to do it because none of my friends nor familyl involved in our wedding meets the requirements.</strong> To be honest, if she did not want to stand for me which is what this boils down to she should not have agreed to this over 5 months ago and did all the stuff with the church with us. So ladies, if you cannot stand for someone please be straight forward about it so they can plan accordingly. I would have been less hurt and disappointed if she would have said no off the bat instead of waiting until 4 months out to tell me this.<strong> It was quite obvious from our text messages she had no intentions of ever being in our wedding.</strong> I even said she could use a dress she already had because I just felt it was important to have my closest family member there and didnt care about the matchy matchy.
Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]

<div>How do you know she had no intention of being in the wedding the whole time? She could have some private things going on or that came up that she is just choosing not to share with you. Did these text messages SAY, "I never really planned to be in it." ?</div><div>
</div><div>What are the "special" requirements? </div>

Stina51286 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cousin-dropped-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7e1da5ed-990c-440d-b7ee-b354c88393a8Post:c949a5ee-eaf4-44fd-87ec-fc94cc533373">Cousin dropped out</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a pretty calm person and it takes a lot to rattle me. I asked my first cousin to be my witness and a bridesmaid for my wedding. FI has 8 people in our bridal party and I had 3. Odd number but it was whatever. Mixed gender sides. Again, whatever. Tomorrow we are going shopping for the ladies' dresses. The one dress my friend likes is $150 which was well within everyone's budget they told me. FI's friends are getting black dresses to match FI's side and my ladies were getting red dresses. Everyone loved the idea. So she texted me tonite to tell me she could not afford the dress. I said no big deal we can find something more affordable or I would pay for her dress because it was really important to me she be there. She made a million excuses and I finally said whatever. I am hurt beyond belief. She insists she still wants to help with the wedding but honestly at this point I am just angry. Not only did she know she had no intentions of being in our wedding, she went through all the classes with us at church, and waited until just 4 months out to decide to tell us the truth. Now I have to find another witness that meets our church's requirements and it just sucks.<strong> I honestly dont know if I am going to be able to do it because none of my friends nor familyl involved in our wedding meets the requirements. </strong>To be honest, if she did not want to stand for me which is what this boils down to she should not have agreed to this over 5 months ago and did all the stuff with the church with us. So ladies, if you cannot stand for someone please be straight forward about it so they can plan accordingly. I would have been less hurt and disappointed if she would have said no off the bat instead of waiting until 4 months out to tell me this. It was quite obvious from our text messages she had no intentions of ever being in our wedding. I even said she could use a dress she already had because I just felt it was important to have my closest family member there and didnt care about the matchy matchy.
Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]

What kind of church do you belong to? I didn't know there were certain requirements in order to witness a marriage license.

vanityink · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cousin-dropped-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7e1da5ed-990c-440d-b7ee-b354c88393a8Post:5320e5b5-48c2-413a-b5c3-6170e6e4d2bf">Re: Cousin dropped out</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Cousin dropped out : What kind of church do you belong to? I didn't know there were certain requirements in order to witness a marriage license.
Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]

For Catholic weddings I know the MOH and BM have to be Catholics in good standing with the Church (or so I learned from my Catholic friend). Perhaps it's something similar?

[Deleted User] · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cousin-dropped-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7e1da5ed-990c-440d-b7ee-b354c88393a8Post:fb6bb763-55c1-42d1-a0ff-c3e0880a350b">Re: Cousin dropped out</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cousin dropped out : For Catholic weddings I know the MOH and BM have to be Catholics in good standing with the Church (or so I learned from my Catholic friend). Perhaps it's something similar?
Posted by jessicadall[/QUOTE]

Actually, I don't think that's true - unless my pastor is covering for me. Our BM is an atheist and has never been Catholic - maybe it's different because FI isn't Catholic either?

OliveOilsMom · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cousin-dropped-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7e1da5ed-990c-440d-b7ee-b354c88393a8Post:fb6bb763-55c1-42d1-a0ff-c3e0880a350b">Re: Cousin dropped out</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cousin dropped out : For Catholic weddings I know the MOH and BM have to be Catholics in good standing with the Church (or so I learned from my Catholic friend). Perhaps it's something similar?
Posted by jessicadall[/QUOTE]

This was not true for us either. Although our MOH & BM were Catholic, they were never asked for the Baptismal Certificate or anything else. They didn't actually meet the priest until our rehearsal. Some churches are stricter than others, so if you are being married in a very conservative Catholic church, then that could be the case.

OP - Can you contact your church and explain that your witness no longer is going to be your witness and ask what should be done since no one else fits the criteria? While it wouldn't be a close friend or family member, perhaps someone at the church can be your witness.

StephJean83 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cousin-dropped-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7e1da5ed-990c-440d-b7ee-b354c88393a8Post:fb6bb763-55c1-42d1-a0ff-c3e0880a350b">Re: Cousin dropped out</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cousin dropped out : <strong>For Catholic weddings I know the MOH and BM have to be Catholics in good standing with the Church</strong> (or so I learned from my Catholic friend). Perhaps it's something similar?
Posted by jessicadall[/QUOTE]

My brother and oldest sister were both married in the Catholic church and I know for certain that at least one of their witnesses weren't Catholic. For my brother our dad was BM and he isn't Catholic(despite my grandparents best efforts to convert him) and he was still able to be BM and sign the certificate. For my sister our aunt(dad's sister) was MOH and she isn't Catholic. Idk if the BM in that wedding was Catholic or not as it was a friend of my BIL's. Unless this is something that has come out in the last few years(brother was married in 1998 and sister in 1999), that isn't true.

MairePoppy · January 2013

Something must have happened. Do you really think the MOH would have gone to all the trouble of attending church meetings, if she didn't intend to follow through? She might feel bad about you paying for her dress or she might be having personal problems. Couldn't you talk to her?

Will she still be attending your wedding as a guest? Could she still sign your marriage certificate, or do whatever your church requires, if she is not wearing the red dress and standing with the wedding party? You should talk to your minister about this to find a solution.

zizibet · January 2013

She may be Greek, Russian or Serbian Orthodox. I know in those churches the witnesses who sign the certificate have to be members of the denomination in good standing-not just friends/family.

daffydillie · January 2013

We are meeting with our clergy on Tuesday about it not sure how its going to play out we will see. She didn't really take time out of her schedule for the classes she already was there and just signed off on our stuff. If she wouldn't have been one of the teachers there after talking to her I doubt she would have went or taken the time out of her schedule. She still wants to come to the wedding and such but she doesn't want to be in the bridal party or witness. As for never planning on it, she thought FI and I were going to elope or not go through the church if we even really got married. She didn't think we would last.

daffydillie · January 2013

And yes legally anyone can witness our marriage but for our marriage to be in good standing with the church the witness has to be baptized and in good standing with their church but if they aren't a member of our denomination they have to attend one of our counseling classes. Dumb yes but it's the rules.

Cousin dropped out

Re: Cousin dropped out

Choose Another Board

Search Boards