Choosing a priest

Re: Choosing a priest

• BTCarolus

  

  June 2012 edited June 2012

  You can definitely have a priest celebrate your marriage in a different church than his main church, provided that this is worked out in advance and approved (I have no idea how complicated that is). Lots of people do that when they have a family priest but want to get married in a totally different parish, for example if the children have moved away from the parents and want to be married in the new parish but with the familiar priest. Or if they are using a chapel like a university chapel that tends to see a lot of different priests.

  
  

  I think your bigger problem is going to be finding a church to be married in. Catholic brides are discouraged from "church shopping" for the prettiest or biggest church for their wedding. You technically need to do it in your parish, or in the church that you attend regularly. Since it sounds like you don't have a relationship with a parish you are going to need to work that out in order to be allowed to marry. I might start with the priest you remember from your school, and see if he is still with a nearby parish that you would like to attend.

  
  

  ETA: The church has a comparatively large number of requirements that a couple has to complete to marry, for example pre-Cana classes, a "marriage inventory" that you need to fill out, etc. You are also required to reserve your date and have started all of this with the church a minimum of six months in advance. It seems like a lot of Catholic brides don't know this or don't do this, and then have to change lots of plans. If you aren't sure of how all of this works, I can give you the link to my University's Catholic center's page on marriage. It does a good job outlining the general requirements that the archdiocese of Chicago has for a new couple. Some of it is specific to Chicago-area university students, but it would probably still be pretty useful for you.

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• smallpie

  

  June 2012 edited June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_choosing-a-priest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:f664ef2d-e528-41d5-b606-b5bbcce4b7f4Post:15d379ec-e6cd-49ee-8ae8-0186fedb49f2">Re: Choosing a priest</a>:
  [QUOTE]You can definitely have a priest celebrate your marriage in a different church than his main church, provided that this is worked out in advance and approved (I have no idea how complicated that is). Lots of people do that when they have a family priest but want to get married in a totally different parish, for example if the children have moved away from the parents and want to be married in the new parish but with the familiar priest. Or if they are using a chapel like a university chapel that tends to see a lot of different priests. I think your bigger problem is going to be finding a church to be married in. Catholic brides are discouraged from "church shopping" for the prettiest or biggest church for their wedding. You technically need to do it in your parish, or in the church that you attend regularly. Since it sounds like you don't have a relationship with a parish you are going to need to work that out in order to be allowed to marry. I might start with the priest you remember from your school, and see if he is still with a nearby parish that you would like to attend. ETA: The church has a comparatively large number of requirements that a couple has to complete to marry, for example pre-Cana classes, a "marriage inventory" that you need to fill out, etc. You are also required to reserve your date and have started all of this with the church a minimum of six months in advance. It seems like a lot of Catholic brides don't know this or don't do this, and then have to change lots of plans. If you aren't sure of how all of this works, I can give you the link to my University's Catholic center's page on marriage. It does a good job outlining the general requirements that the archdiocese of Chicago has for a new couple. Some of it is specific to Chicago-area university students, but it would probably still be pretty useful for you.
  Posted by BTCarolus[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>That'd be really great if you can send me the link.  I went to the church that was next to my grade school and the priest did not really seem to remember me.  That was a few years ago so I'm not even sure if he's still around.  And I never had any sort of communication with the other priests from a different church that my parents would take me to.</div>

  

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• professorscience member

  

  June 2012

  Do your parents belong to a church?  That would be my first stop.  You should be able to marry at their parish.  As PP said, "church shopping" can be a bit of a problem with some parishes, so you might find some to be less-than-accommodating.

  
  

  Good luck!

  

  
  

  
  

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• smallpie

  

  June 2012

  Unfortunately, my parents do not belong to a church either. We haven't gone to church often in years and even when we did I do not think they actually listed it as their parish.

  

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• professorscience member

  

  June 2012

  Well, I think the first thing you should do is start looking for a church, not just to get married in, but to make *your* church.  I really don't believe that a church should just be a "backdrop" for your wedding.  It should be where you want to grow in faith with your FI/H, where you want to baptize and raise your kids, where you want to build lasting friendships.  Hopefully if you find the right community, it will draw you back to your faith so that you can make it a more permanent part of your life.  

  

  
  

  
  

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• BTCarolus

  

  June 2012

  So it turns out that the new Priest at my univeristy's ministry (ok, newish priest this is like his third year) finally got around to re-writing the page on marriage (<----- link). It's not nearly as informative as it was, although it's still better than what a lot of parishes provide.

  
  

  However, I tracked down the archdiocese's website that deals with the engagement period (<----- link), as well as other issues related to marriage. It should be pretty useful for you. The 10 Steps part explicitly explains the requirements for marriage in the diocese, and the other links will explain what some of the programs are more fully. Oh, and there are really like 7 or 8 real steps, some of which are voluntary, and they rounded it out to 10.

  
  

  The Archdiocese of Chicago prefers people to go through the Catholic Couple Checkup, which they I guess recently had developed. You can also talk to your priest and see if you can do FOCCUS, which is I think more typically what  people on this board have taken. I'm not really sure of the difference between them, but maybe somebody could describe what FOCCUS is?

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• ellen73

  

  June 2012

  St. Clement, St. Theresa, St. Vincent DePaul, Old St. Pat's & St. Alphonsus all have really active young adult groups (20s & 30s, married & single) in Chicago.   Those would be the places I would start.  I know of a few suburban ones, too, if you are interested. 
  
  Theology on Tap (which is now a national thing, but started in Chicago) starts in a couple of weeks, too.   It's a great way to check out some of the churches in a less formal setting & a great way to find a parish to join, too.

  

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