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BM Responsibilities for Shower

buttrflyahbuttrflyah member
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in New Jersey
I am 1 of 4 BMs in my friends wedding.  Her maid of honor is her younger sister (she is 22).  I know her sister and her mom set a date and place for her bridal shower but I haven't heard anything else about it.

As a BM, what should I be helping with/contributing to?  Do we help pay for the shower?  I'm clueless since I've never been a BM and feel weird asking my close friends since most of them are my BMs!  
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Re: BM Responsibilities for Shower

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    Danes983Danes983 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    I am in 2 weddings this year.  We all are contributing to both. I am only the MOH for 1. I would reach out and ask if they need help.  if they say no, then at least you asked. 
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    rlavachrlavach member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    Like PP said, just ask if they need any help. They may be expecting all of the BM to chip in some money or to split it evenly. Really, they should be consulting with you all beforehand if that's expected. I was only a BM once also & the MOH basically did all of the work, but then asked us all to split it. I was in college at the time & had no money, so I couldn't contribute money, only time. They were fine with that.

    Now I'm a BM in my MOH's wedding & I have a strong feeling that it's going to be a logistical mess because she has 10 BM who are spread over at least 3 states & I've already had requests about throwing her a shower after only 1 week engaged. 

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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    There's no set responsibilities, so don't feel pressured into contributing time/money that you don't have.

    I would just touch base with the mom and sister and ask if there's something you can do to help. Or make a specific offer (designing the invitations, getting a cake, making favors, etc.) and see if they take you up on it.
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    JoBell123JoBell123
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    It honestly depends on the wedding.  For mine, the moms seemed to do more financially but the MOH and BMs all pitched in and helped plan.  For my SIL's shower it was all the MOH & us BMs with the moms just helping plan (not paying).  I'm a BM coming up and honestly, I'm a glorified guest at this shower (the mom is planning it all).

    Definitely touch base with the MOH and mom and see what they expect.
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    sh228955sh228955 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I agree it totally depends on the wedding. For my sister, my mother took care of the cost, I ordered the favors and her matron of honor ordered the centerpieces. However for my friend, her mother an sister picked a very expensive restaurant and we were all expected to split the cost evenly. It caused a lot of resentment because we were not kept in the loop until it was time to pay. As pp have said, I would ask what they need help with earlier rather than later to get an idea of what they are expecting. Good luck!
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    FutureMrsR5711FutureMrsR5711
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    I was asked to be a BM late for a co-workers wedding. Once I was, i contacted her sister and other BM's to see what i was behind on contributing on. Mind you they were 2 months out to the wedding. They hadn't started ANYTHING yet or even thought of it. But we decided to split costs (I buy cake, they buy alcohol, sister buys food, etc). I'd say your best bet is just to reach out and inquire about where they are at in the planning and what they need from you. Best of luck.
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    lopezalonsolopezalonso member
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    I am one of 2 BM in my BFF's wedding and her sister is the MOH. I thought I would be much more involved and helping her plan her wedding but her sister has not asked me for any help despite me having voiced my openness to help. So I think you can certainly ask but if they don't need anything, they don't need anything.
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