Small, but nagging problem

Pinkstarshine1 · February 2012

When I say small, I mean literally as well, lol...anyway, I have a small tattoo on my left shoulder and months back, in October, my mom didn't ask...but TOLD me that I need to do something to cover it up, because she does not want to have to look at it on my wedding day when I am in my nice strapless dress. I calmly and civilly told her that it is a small and petty thing to be focused on, considering the big picture. She really didn't argue with me or say much after that, so I thought that was the end of it. Well, I went wedding dress shopping with her this past Saturday, she brought it up again, again teling me and ordering me that we need to figure out how to cover it up because she doesn't want to see it. She also went on to say and bring up the fact that she tried to talk me out of getting it when I decided I wanted it (this was like 6 years ago, mind you)...how that has anything to do with the issue at hand is beyond me. Again, I told her that I was not going to cover it up....if she thinks I'm going to put cover-up on my shoulder, let alone get that anywhere near my dress, she is out of her mind. She then went on about how there has to be special make-up that doesn't smudge...something I don't think exists. The conversation kind of just ended again just like the first time she brought it up. But, since she has now brought it up two times, I still don't think that this conversation is over. I think she will continue to hound me about it. The main point is that this is a petty issue that shouldn't even be an issue. I am an adult and she is trying to tell me what to do when it comes to something that shouldn't even matter. No one is going to be focused on the tattoo on my wedding day...there are many other important things people will be preoccupied with. Well, maybe my mom will be hung up on the tattoo, but she'll be the only one and it will be ridiculous. Does anyone have any input as to how I should handle this if she brings it up again? I want to handle it in a way in which I don't say mean things and upset her, but at the same time, I want it to be in a way where she gets the message not to bother me about it again, because it's annoying and petty. Any advice would be appreciated!

StephBeanWed61502 · February 2012

You're engaging way too much with her on this. Here's how this conversation should go:

Mom: You know, you really need to think about what type of cover-up you want to get for your tattoo. I hate it and it will annoy me to see it on your wedding day.
You: Thanks for your input mom, but we're not going to discuss this topic anymore.
Mom: What does that mean? Did you order something? I HATE YOUR TATTOO JSDFFSDFLLJSDFKSDFH
You: Hey, did you see American Idol this week?
Mom: TATTOO OHEMGEE I HATE IT OH NOES WHAT WILL YOU WEAR BAD NO TATTOO NO
You: You know mom, if we can't talk about something else I'm going to have to go.
Mom: TATTTTOOOOOOOO
You: Bye mom, talk to you later!

You aren't going to change your mind, she's not going to change hers, so why fight about it? It is what it is. Just keep changing the subject, and if she won't drop it, walk away.

zitiqueen · February 2012

"Mom, I'm an adult. I'm not covering it up. This discussion is closed. "

If she brings it up again, hang up the phone or walk out the door.

OliveOilsMom · February 2012

Just tell her: Mom, I'm sorry you do not want to see my tattoo on my wedding day. But I love it and its a part of me. I'm sorry you feel differently, but I will not be covering up my tattoo for my wedding. There will be no changing my mind on this issue. You can continue to bring it up if you wish, but this decision is final.

And after saying this, if she continues to bring it up, change the topic to something else.

Maggie0829 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_small-but-nagging-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c5c02822-1eae-4b1d-996e-57f01cee9d43Post:d07d2b5f-49ea-44c3-9a44-ae58da156c24">Re: Small, but nagging problem</a>:
[QUOTE]You're engaging way too much with her on this. Here's how this conversation should go: Mom: You know, you really need to think about what type of cover-up you want to get for your tattoo. I hate it and it will annoy me to see it on your wedding day. You: Thanks for your input mom, but we're not going to discuss this topic anymore. Mom: What does that mean? Did you order something? I HATE YOUR TATTOO JSDFFSDFLLJSDFKSDFH You: Hey, did you see American Idol this week? Mom: TATTOO OHEMGEE I HATE IT OH NOES WHAT WILL YOU WEAR BAD NO TATTOO NO You: You know mom, if we can't talk about something else I'm going to have to go. Mom: TATTTTOOOOOOOO You: Bye mom, talk to you later! You aren't going to change your mind, she's not going to change hers, so why fight about it? It is what it is. Just keep changing the subject, and if she won't drop it, walk away.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

This. Stop discussing it with her. If she brings it up change the subject or walk away. There is no point fighting about this when neither of you will change your mind. Like you said, this is a petty thing to be fighting about so instead of engaging it just ignore it.

jemmini6 · February 2012

I agree with PP's. The next time she brings it up, be very firm and final. "I'm sorry you feel that way, but under no circumstances will I be covering it up, so you need to accept that and move on. I will NOT be discussing this any further." And then actually hold firm to that last part. If she mentions it, completely ignore her, hang up the phone, walk out, whatever you need to do to make her understand that no amount of her complaining will change your mind.

StephBeanWed61502 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_small-but-nagging-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c5c02822-1eae-4b1d-996e-57f01cee9d43Post:4b0b32e8-700b-4478-be10-7fdc407ee59c">Re: Small, but nagging problem</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with PP's. The next time she brings it up, be very firm and final. "I'm sorry you feel that way, but under no circumstances will I be covering it up, so you need to accept that and move on. I will NOT be discussing this any further." And then actually hold firm to that last part. If she mentions it, completely ignore her, hang up the phone, walk out, whatever you need to do to make her understand that no amount of her complaining will change your mind.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

I know multiple PPs have suggested this, and I understand the idea of it, but I don't know that Mom even deserves this much of an explanation. OP is a grown woman, with no responsibility whatsoever to anyone to explain what she is or isn't choosing to do with her own body. I personally wouldn't want to give her craziness any legitimacy whatsoever, and I feel like offering even a limited explanation somehow implies that Mom's entitled to an explanation, which she isn't.

Pinkstarshine1 · February 2012

Haha, damn...maybe I'm too nice. I guess my post did kind of make it seem like I had a lengthy argument with her on both occasions. Each time she did bring it up, it was only an exchange of a few sentences and then it stopped. Neither of us got angry, either. I pretty much just told her 'no, I'm not doing that, it's nothing worth worrying about'...but I still don't think she got the hint the first time, since she decided to nag me about it again. I have no plans of bringing it up again, because I'm hoping she will just forget about it and not mention it again...but if she does, then I'll probably just go the 'I'm not going to cover it up, so let's just stop talking about it', route, as some of you suggested. I guess I just try to be nice because I don't want any drama...I'm a pretty laid back person, and I would like to keep it that way. I don't want to get to the point where I feel like strangling someone, lol...but thanks for the input, everyone...it's much appreciated!

willywally5 · February 2012

It is totally your perogative to leave it uncovered. If your mom hates it that much, tell her she can have it removed in the photos she purchases, if it even shows. I'm sure the photographer can handle that.

Shirleymom1 · February 2012

My daughter also has a tatoo -- on her back, high and it may show. I did ask her to wear her hair to cover it and she will do that. I believe though that when dancing, etc. it will show, but at that point I don't care. Very interesting "problem".

mandctaft · February 2012

I have 6 tattoos that are going to be visible on my wedding day and no one has said anything about it. I said that I want to cover up the one on my wrist, but its my decision(and probably with a chunky bracelet, not makeup.) If your mom starts in on you again, just say, "Its my day and it doesn't bother FI or me. It seems the only one worrying about it is you. I'm not covering it up, so do your best to ignore it. I'm hungry. Do you want to get a pizza?"

notyetavet · February 2012

If it were a tattoo of a giant middle finger, maybe she would have a leg to stand on in this case. Otherwise, I don't see why she is so upset. Do you know why she wants your tattoo covered? Is she worried about older family members? Is she worried about the officiant? I agree with the PPs saying that you shouldn't talk about it with her anymore, but I'm still curious.

staceycaine · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_small-but-nagging-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c5c02822-1eae-4b1d-996e-57f01cee9d43Post:537deae9-9292-4ed2-81b1-a4bd25ee496d">Re: Small, but nagging problem</a>:
[QUOTE]My daughter also has a tatoo -- on her back, high and it may show. I did ask her to wear her hair to cover it and she will do that. I believe though that when dancing, etc. it will show, but at that point I don't care. Very interesting "problem".
Posted by Shirleymom1[/QUOTE]

You shouldn't "care" to begin with, and your daughter is doing more for you than I would.

Love,

Someone who doesn't even HAVE tattoos, but thinks that grown women can dress themselves.

Pinkstarshine1 · July 2012

I haven't checked the message boards in a while, let alone responses to my own few posts! Thankfully, my mom has not brought up the topic since February when I orginally posted about this, thank God. I hope it stays that way, too. Although, to answer your question, I don't think she is worried about older family members. Everyone in my family knows that I have it and they have all seen it. I don't believe worrying about the officiant was the problem, either. I honestly just think it's about her not wanting to see it and she felt that I should cover it up just because she doesn't feel like looking at it.

But as I said, she has not brought it up since February and I'm hoping she doesn't again...although, she will be coming with me to my second dress fitting at the end of August (I need to have whoever is helping us at the bridal shop show her how to tie up and bustle my dress because my bridesmaids are all from out of state and will not be able to come with me), so we will see what happens then! Pray for me! Lol <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue Out" title="Tongue Out" />

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_small-but-nagging-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c5c02822-1eae-4b1d-996e-57f01cee9d43Post:7e36bf98-409d-4fcf-a65a-7d5ee567f864">Re: Small, but nagging problem</a>:
[QUOTE]If it were a tattoo of a giant middle finger, maybe she would have a leg to stand on in this case. Otherwise, I don't see why she is so upset. Do you know why she wants your tattoo covered? Is she worried about older family members? Is she worried about the officiant? I agree with the PPs saying that you shouldn't talk about it with her anymore, but I'm still curious.
Posted by notyetavet[/QUOTE]

Small, but nagging problem

Re: Small, but nagging problem

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