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FMIL

savylizsavyliz
in Moms and Maids
Funny how that is one letter away from FML.

I love my FMIL. She raised a good man who knows how to treat a woman. Let's put emphasis on she raised A GOOD MAN, being SINGULAR. That's right...her one and only offspring is her son. I'm glad they have a good relationship. But she is getting a little too involved in our personal relationship (and I do mean PERSONAL)and a little too clingy. I understand she doesn't want to lose her son. But she knows me and I have told her I am not the kind of woman who would let her son just forget about the woman who raised him. But this calling & texting every hour and "Poor Me Boo-Hoo" thing is getting old.

Any advice on how to deal??
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Re: FMIL

  • BMBrinsonBMBrinson member
    100 Comments
    Mine FI is the baby...plus he had a major heart problem at birth and my FMIL is the same way sometimes. Sometimes I have FI tell her she needs to back off. Sometimes if shes sarts in on something that is none of her business I tell her that and change the subject...some days I just have a glass of wine and deep breath. Shes a great woman and I respect her and all but sometimes you have to set boundaries. My FI repeatedly has had to tell her he is an adult. Hope this helps! Your not alone lol! 
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    I worked with a woman who was the same way when her son got married.  Her son is the one who told her that she was intruding into areas that weren't her business.  Was she angry about that? Yep. 

    It turns out that in her mind, when her only child got married, it didn't mean that he was forming his own family that would include her; it meant that her new DIL would be joining their family - kind of a fourth musketeer.  I will be honest though that it took her son and about five of us at work to make her realize that she had to change her mindset before she caused irreparable harm to her relationship with her son and DIL.
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    How is your FI approaching this?  He needs to have a firm sit down with her.
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  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    It should be up to your FI to talk to her. She's his mother, he should handle it. Although, if he doesn't see the problem- then I think you have bigger problems than having a FMIL who can't butt out.
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:29d61325-d8de-476b-a098-1786fa762992Post:2f6b6d48-58bf-47aa-8f6f-7172e9ad5694">Re: FMIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FI doesn't see the problem. He has gotten better about it though, I will give him that. But he says he can't just tell his mom to back off because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Which, I don't want to hurt her feelings either I LOVE THAT CRAZY WOMAN! But...her son is going to be the most important person in my life OFFICIALLY in a few months and I'm going to need MY relationship with him to be stronger and more important. I don't understand her constant need to text EVERY DAY and call EVERY DAY. She has even gone so far as to text/call on a Valentine's Day date, knowing we were out with each other. She has a husband. She needs to learn to depend on HIM and let me have mine. I just don't know if that is my place to tell her that.<strong> I feel as though it should be my fiance's.
    </strong>Posted by savyliz[/QUOTE]

    You're correct, it is your FI's place to tell her. The fact that he won't is just a sneak preview of how the rest of your life is going to be. He's already told you that her feelings matter more than yours. Have fun being the third wheel in your marriage.
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  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    Yeah, your FI needs to establish some boundaries or else I don't see this ending. I mean, maybe she is just holding on to the "time she has left" before you guys seal the deal, but that's wishful thinking. 

    Can he just not return/answer her calls and texts? Maybe if she realizes that he isn't responsive to so much interaction, she'll cool her jets?

    You can only be subtle for so long though. It may take a sit down or serious phone conversation. It won't be easy, but neither would dealing with her behavior for the next 5 years either. It's likely to get worse if you have kids. 
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  • melb2013melb2013 member
    2500 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'd like to know how physically close you are to her, ie, where do you both live in relation to each other.  I can't imagine living close my future in laws because they would expect us to see them every day (I'm not kidding).  Lucky for me, we not only live several hours away, but my FI has put some very healthy boundries in place. 

    If you and your FI can't come to an agreement on how to handle his mother, I'd recommend the two of you going to therapy.  Someone else may be able to put some perspective in place for him as to how to handle his mother in the healthiest way.

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