Suspicions...

mnt2bonstg · July 2011

So...my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half now and we are completely in love with each other. I can honestly say that he is my best friend, an he feels the same way about me too. Lately he's been acting...weird. He's been getting buddy buddy with my dad and they even exchanged phone numbers and have gone out for dinner and drinks a few times already. On top of that, he's been much more "gentlemen" like. He cleans up his apartment when I come to visit, opens all doors for me, chews with his mouth closed, as well as other things. All the things he would usually do to get on my nerves have stopped. He is very mushy and lovey dovey all the time and asks if I love him every five seconds. My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage and our future together several times and we are confident that we are supposed to spend the rest of our lives together. I don't want to jump to conclusions as if there were a proposal on the way, but that sure would be exciting... :-)

thelamarrs · July 2011

That IS very exciting

Make sure you don't dwell on it though! Waiting for a proposal will make you insane! Pick up hobbies, read books and go about life as usual and enjoy your relationship as it is now! Once you are engaged EVERYTHING changes and becomes so hectic! Just sit back, relax and enjoy your BF and revel in all the sweet changes he's making! Heck I wish my BF would remember to eat with his mouth closed!!

[Deleted User] · July 2011

That's good that you don't want to jump to conclusions. He could definitely be covering something up.

ravenray · July 2011

Then don't. Don't think it means anything. He just loves you and wants to make sure you love him too. Don't try to read anything into it, it will drive you crazy. Instead, spend some time with us; learn a new hobby, read a book. Tell us more about yourself? Do you like cheese?

thelamarrs · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_suspicions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:db24bf2e-4104-488b-a686-3ec5469fd07ePost:3984dd8a-4339-4b8f-b048-f4e47620c56d">Re: Suspicions...</a>:
[QUOTE]Then don't. Don't think it means anything. He just loves you and wants to make sure you love him too. Don't try to read anything into it, it will drive you crazy. Instead, spend some time with us; learn a new hobby, read a book. <strong>Tell us more about yourself? Do you like cheese?</strong>
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]
And potatoes?<div>Your thoughts on cookies?</div>

CASK85 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_suspicions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:db24bf2e-4104-488b-a686-3ec5469fd07ePost:1f7db3f1-cb99-461a-b165-c20a67468e84">Suspicions...</a>:
[QUOTE]So...my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half now and we are completely in love with each other.<strong> I can honestly say that he is my best friend, an he feels the same way about me too.</strong> Lately he's been acting...weird. He's been getting buddy buddy with my dad and they even exchanged phone numbers and have gone out for dinner and drinks a few times already. On top of that, he's been much more "gentlemen" like. He cleans up his apartment when I come to visit, opens all doors for me, chews with his mouth closed, as well as other things. All the things he would usually do to get on my nerves have stopped. He is very mushy and lovey dovey all the time and asks if I love him every five seconds. My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage and our future together several times and we are confident that we are supposed to spend the rest of our lives together. I don't want to jump to conclusions as if there were a proposal on the way, but that sure would be exciting... :-)
Posted by mnt2bonstg[/QUOTE]
To the bolded part above, I say Isn't it great to have the person you're in love with also be your best friend? <div>
</div><div>What kinds of silly things do you guys do together? My FI and I just have the best times doing random silly crap - it is one of the ways how I know we're right for each other - even the mundane task of cleaning our apartment is fun with him.</div><div>
</div><div>Also, what is your favorite summer activity? Food item to grill? Do you like wine?</div>

csousa1 · July 2011

I'm so glad you didn't end that post with, "I hope he does do it soon, because I already have the whole thing planned for next June! Isn't that funny?!"

I feel as though we had a rash of the innocent-seeming posts that were concluded, almost casually, with blatant pre-planning statements. It has made me start to cringe the entire way through reading a post like this, just waiting for the crazy to show itself.

In short, mnt, you seem really cool, and not at all crazy. That sort of thing is very exciting, and I hope that you are able to do as you say and not jump to any conclusions! Just relax and enjoy the present - you will never be right here again

Tell us more about yourself! Have you lived all over the country, like many of the girls on this board? Where is your favorite place to vacation?

alanna91 · July 2011

That sounds sweet! Love is grand, isn't it

??

Welcome to NEY!

Peaseblossom55 · July 2011

Welcome hope you stick around? Do you have aby pets? Favorite drink or kind of wine?

mnt2bonstg · July 2011

Hi everyone! Thank you for all your wonderful responses! :-). Your advice is very much appreciated and I will definitely put it into consideration.

As far as me and my boyfriend's love story, it didn't go off to the greatest start. My sophomore year of college, I met Josh (my now BF) through my best friend at the time who was dating him...as well as 3 other guys all at the same time. From the beginning I knew there was something different and very special about Josh, and I knew that he was a very sweet, kind, and loving person. I confronted my best friend by saying it was completely wrong to screw over a nice guy like that, and we shared words that should probably never be repeated...ever

. And with that, our friendship ended and a new great friendship with Josh began. He and I became really close, talking to each other on facebook, hanging out together on weekends, and walking together from class to class while on campus. Soon enough Josh and I developed deeper feelings for each other and he asked me out on our first date. I drove over to his house and once I got there he ran to my car, grabbed my hand, and said, "There's something really important I want to do before we do anything else." He dragged me into his house to his family room where his mother was sitting on the couch. "Adrienne, I want you to meet my mom." For those of you who didn't hear that right, yes. He did introduce me to his mom on our first date! Then we went to see a movie, and afterward he took me to his favorite place, a quaint Puerto Rican restaurant (I can't pronounce the name because I took French for years and years and do not understand a lick of Spanish :-P). Josh is half-African American, half-Puerto Rican, and was raised by several very strong independent Puerto Rican women in his family, so he speaks Spanish FLUENTLY, so he made sure to show off those skills at dinner by ordering both of our meals in Spanish, as well as teaching me a few things about the culture and language at dinner. At the end of the night we went back to his house so I could get my car and drive back to my house. Usually I don't do first kisses on dates, but in this case I couldn't help myself. He kissed me tenderly on the lips and I thought I felt fireworks and heard a full marching band in the background. lol! And the rest is history. Every day just gets sweeter and sweeter. He's my best friend, the love of my life, and I can't imagine being with anyone else.

Karnala · July 2011

Hehe, I totally know the feeling. I know my guy already has the ring though. It's hidden somewhere in my parents room (i;m pretty sure). I know he's going to pop the question between now and our wedding date (which we've already set) I just don't know when. he said he wants to make it perfect. We've been together for almost 4 years now.

jessicabridie · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_suspicions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:db24bf2e-4104-488b-a686-3ec5469fd07ePost:8c939914-e143-4c6f-9aba-b32135d867b2">Re: Suspicions...</a>:
[QUOTE]Hehe, I totally know the feeling. I know my guy already has the ring though. It's hidden somewhere in my parents room (i;m pretty sure). <strong>I know he's going to pop the question between now and our wedding date (which we've already set)</strong> I just don't know when. he said he wants to make it perfect. We've been together for almost 4 years now.
Posted by Karnala[/QUOTE]

Does he know that you've set a wedding date? I wouldn't recommend booking anything or putting down deposits until after the actual proposal for 2 reasons:

A) You will get flamed big-time on this board because there's no need to plan before both of you agree that you are engaged.

B) Things come up, and buying a ring/arranging a proposal can take months to a year...and could take longer than you or he expects. For example, my BF was contacting different jewelers about getting a custom design, and they said they'd get back to him in a day or two, but he didn't actually get a response for close to a month! So even if he had planned on proposing a few weeks after that, he wouldn't have even had the ring yet! BF asked me for my ring size and hinted at proposing soon about 18 months ago, and there is still no ring on my finger! I'm definitely glad I didn't start planning my wedding back then because I thought the proposal was coming "soon"!

mnt2bonstg · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_suspicions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:db24bf2e-4104-488b-a686-3ec5469fd07ePost:8c939914-e143-4c6f-9aba-b32135d867b2">Re: Suspicions...</a>:
[QUOTE]Hehe, I totally know the feeling. I know my guy already has the ring though. It's hidden somewhere in my parents room (i;m pretty sure). I know he's going to pop the question between now and our wedding date (which we've already set) I just don't know when. he said he wants to make it perfect. We've been together for almost 4 years now.
Posted by Karnala[/QUOTE]

Aww that's wonderful!! Well don't sit around waiting for a proposal. You'll drive yourself crazy! lol. Best of luck to you sweetie! :-)

mnt2bonstg · July 2011

Just a new update + I needed to get this out...

A little birdie told me last week that my boyfriend was going to take my dad out to lunch. So yesterday, they went. When they finished, my boyfriend texted me saying "That didn't go the way I wanted it to go..." Ultimately, Josh and my dad talked about religion (as my dad is a pastor) as well as our future together. My family is full of faithful Christian church-goers, and his family is Christian as well, but not so big on going to church. My father ultimately told Josh that if we're not on the same page, faith-wise, then we'll never have a happy marriage. Josh proceded to ask for my dad's blessing to ask for my hand in marriage and my dad just gave him the run around by saying, "I'll have to get back to you on that one."

I really don't know what to think in regards to this situation. Do you guys have any insite or advice to give? I'd really truly appreciate it.

,

Adrienne

thelamarrs · July 2011

Refer to all previous advice. Just let it roll off your shoulders and enjoy your realationship as it is now. Even if you KNOW he bought a sparkley, it could be a year before he proposes. So pick up a hobby and keep yourself busy and go about life as it is.

mnt2bonstg · August 2011

Thank you for your advice.

I was actually referring to the situation of my dad possibly not giving my boyfriend his blessing to marry me. Josh, my boyfriend, actually told me this in person. That's what I was a little stressed about. Not the proposal itself. Does anyone have any advice toward that situation?

bethsmiles · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_suspicions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:db24bf2e-4104-488b-a686-3ec5469fd07ePost:1e1bc9f7-5145-4bc9-91ac-5c1a29029171">Re: Suspicions...</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for your advice. I was actually referring to the situation of my dad possibly not giving my boyfriend his blessing to marry me. Josh, my boyfriend, actually told me this in person. That's what I was a little stressed about. Not the proposal itself. Does anyone have any advice toward that situation?
Posted by mnt2bonstg[/QUOTE]

Is your dad's blessing a must? If so then you should probably talk to him and let him know what you are feeling.

CASK85 · August 2011

I think that your dad's assessment of needing to match faith-wise is a good one. Do you match in that regard?

If I am to assume that you do match and have talked about it (as ones contemplating marriage should have), perhaps your dad thinks you are more religious than you actually are, and in that case you need to come clean to dad or just let him have his assumptions and forego his blessing.

If you haven't talked about it with BF and/or you don't match up, you need to figure something out, because it could be a problem down the road, and dad would be right to have reservations about the marriage.

ETA: the religious-ness of your family members has no bearing on your marriage. Just yours and your BF's religious convictions or the lack thereof.

mnt2bonstg · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_suspicions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:db24bf2e-4104-488b-a686-3ec5469fd07ePost:7920766e-6102-45c3-8495-663c888249a2">Re: Suspicions...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that your dad's assessment of needing to match faith-wise is a good one. Do you match in that regard? If I am to assume that you do match and have talked about it (as ones contemplating marriage should have), perhaps your dad thinks you are more religious than you actually are, and in that case you need to come clean to dad or just let him have his assumptions and forego his blessing. If you haven't talked about it with BF and/or you don't match up, you need to figure something out, because it could be a problem down the road, and dad would be right to have reservations about the marriage. ETA: the religious-ness of your family members has no bearing on your marriage. Just yours and your BF's religious convictions or the lack thereof.
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

Thank you! Yes I have talked to my boyfriend about religion. Josh and I are both Christian, however, Josh is not a very avid church goer. He does go to church with me about 2 sundays in the month though. Him going to church with me is truly not as important as being on one accord faith-wise in the first place. I understand that my dad is very protective of me, especially since I'm his youngest child. As a pastor, my dad knows that going to church often does not make you a Christian. I'm concerned that this whole thing is a much bigger issue than just religion itself...

CASK85 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_suspicions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:db24bf2e-4104-488b-a686-3ec5469fd07ePost:ef6f5941-952d-4863-9c02-d0ba17be7c6e">Re: Suspicions...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Suspicions... : Thank you! Yes I have talked to my boyfriend about religion. Josh and I are both Christian, however, Josh is not a very avid church goer. He does go to church with me about 2 sundays in the month though. Him going to church with me is truly not as important as being on one accord faith-wise in the first place. I understand that my dad is very protective of me, especially since I'm his youngest child. As a pastor, my dad knows that going to church often does not make you a Christian. I'm concerned that this whole thing is a much bigger issue than just religion itself...
Posted by mnt2bonstg[/QUOTE]
What other reasons might your dad have for withholding his blessing? Sometimes a parent's intuition is right, sometimes they're just being difficult or outright unreasonable.

mnt2bonstg · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_suspicions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:db24bf2e-4104-488b-a686-3ec5469fd07ePost:18cb4c51-1d24-424d-8a66-3fa476c1988d">Re: Suspicions...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Suspicions... : What other reasons might your dad have for withholding his blessing? Sometimes a parent's intuition is right, sometimes they're just being difficult or outright unreasonable.
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

Very true. My dad is a pretty controlling person. My mom laughs at this situation and says that he probably wouldn't give his blessing to anyone at all. lol. It's just really weird to me, I guess, because in the past my dad constantly raved about my boyfriend and all his accomplishments, but when my boyfriend asked for my hand all of a sudden he's the enemy. I don't get it.

CASK85 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_suspicions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:db24bf2e-4104-488b-a686-3ec5469fd07ePost:8a1661d1-a61f-4082-ac1f-a7838daa75b5">Re: Suspicions...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Suspicions... : Very true. My dad is a pretty controlling person. My mom laughs at this situation and says that he probably wouldn't give his blessing to anyone at all. lol. It's just really weird to me, I guess, because in the past my dad constantly raved about my boyfriend and all his accomplishments, but when my boyfriend asked for my hand all of a sudden he's the enemy. I don't get it.
Posted by mnt2bonstg[/QUOTE]
I wish I could help more. Maybe you should try talking to your dad and figure out what he's worried about. Maybe you can do or say something to help him feel good about you guys taking the next step. . . and since he's your dad it is up to you to reach out. Your BF made that first effort, so now I think it is up to you to talk it out with dad. <div>
</div><div>My FI didn't ask my parents for their blessing, for the record. I feel like my dad may have been a little bummed about it, but he has never been a huge part of my life, so he didn't really have any right to be upset. Besides, I've lived on my own for over 4 years so it seemed wrong for our situation. </div><div>
</div><div>I hope you can figure things out. Communication is key - people get hurt more by misunderstandings than by anything else. </div>

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