Maid Of Honor for the 1st time!! any advice??

missmichelle1985 · April 2011

Hi everyone, I recently found out that I am going to be the maid of honor at my best friends wedding. I have known the bride since 6th grade.( we are both 26 years old) her wedding will be in August 2012. I was wondering if anyone had advice for me about the role of MOH. Thank you for looking at my post

AdeleDazeem · April 2011

Everyone's ideas of a good MOH are different.

I'd say the best you can do it be honest with your friend at all times. Be honest about your time and your money, for sure.

I was a MOH for the first time at 25. I knew nothing about weddings except that, as MOH, I thought I was responsible for the shower. I flat out told my friend that I couldn't afford anything like that. She didn't care. All she asked of me was to come to her shower (thrown by her mom), buy the dress, and the come to the wedding.

I did all those things and tried to be really helpful when I was in town. I also planned a very low key and cost friendly bachelorette party because it was all I could afford and it was what she wanted. We understood each other very well because we had clearly discussed expectations.

kt012885 · April 2011

MOH is a lot of fun! I've just done it once about 2 years ago. I planned the shower and the bach party. I had other bridesmaid chip in for the bach party (like we all split the hotel and whatnot). I lived 3 hours away from my bestfriend, so i didn't attend any gown fittings or anything like that. I always offered my help and then the day of the wedding, i made it really special for her. Helping her with her dress and running around for her (if she needed anything). Just have fun and offer help if you want too.

mia082683 · April 2011

I've never been the MOH but I've been a BM before. My MOH asked what she was supposed to do (she'd never even been to a wedding, lol). I know on here the Knotties always say that the only job of a MOH is to show up and wear the dress, but regardless... I explained that I needed her to wear tthe dress, show up, help plan the shower with my mom if my mom decided to do one for me (as i told them flat out that I would not be upset if they decided not to do a shower. I know everyone is not financially secure right now, and I totally understand.). I also asked her to come with me for my dress shopping as she and my mother are the only two people I'm allowing to see the dress before I Do Day. She was more than willing to accept, and she's also offered her help on other stuff along the way (like stuffing invitations and whatnot).

LoveMuffins · April 2011

MOH is so much fun

Planning shower/bachlorette parties are fun, if you can afford it - and quite often the other BMs and sometimes family members will chip in. Just make sure that if people want to chip in / help plan you make sure you know what they can contribute before you make the plans!!! you can be more involved by helping with DIY projects, helping with putting together invitations/programs/etc., maybe going dress shpping or other shopping with her, helping to pick out the BM dresses. but really, you can be as involved if you want to be, and if you're the type to have fun with it, dive right in!

From a bride's perspective, going through this, so far I say the biggest thing my MOH does is just spend time with me as my best friend. Sometimes we talk about wedding stuff, sometimes we don't, but she's totally supportive and listens when i go a little crazy (not like, bridezilla, but just like, I'M STRESSED I'M STRESSED WHAT DO I DO?!) and often offers to help out with things that she has time for / is interested in helping with. Obv the offers to help out are appreciated, but mostly it's just knowing that she's there and she's going to be there with me all the way up until the big day and keep me from freaking out (i get paranoid/anxious about really weird stuff, usually that i've made up in my head... like, i know i'm going to be worried that FI will leave me at the alter. silly fear, and i know that, but it still makes me nervous) over the silly stuff and be there to make jokes to relieve the crazy/anxiety/stress

She's totally my rock through this when i start feeling overwhelmed, and often it's nothing more than just spending a night of girl time with me and i'm feeling 100% better.

SassyBrass · April 2011

Congratulations!
It's all in what you are able or willing to do.
When I was MOH in my friend's wedding, I did it all with her. Helped her get her dress, helped pick out BM dresses, tuxes, flowers, venue, bought and helped make the invites, help with RD site, designed the cake, threw shower, etc. Seriously, I was there every step of the way, but I was way into it. B & G were both some of my best friends. So do you need to do all of that? Oh heck no! My brother was my "best man" (sorry, man of honor didn't sound right to me, even though it is), and he didn't have to do anything, we got him something to wear, and he showed up, and it meant the world to me.
Look into what you think is something you'd like to do, or something you can afford. Definitely voice your input on dresses, since that directly relates to you. Start small, and see what draws you. If there are things you have no interest in, politely decline.
An important part is to be a reality check for her. Let her know it's ok if all the dresses aren't EXACTLY the same or if she can't afford the exact centerpieces she wants. It's good to be a voice of reason.
But above all, know that she wanted you to be next to her and you are important to her. As long as she doesn't go nuts, you shouldn't be pressured to do all kinds of craziness.

StacyJenniges · April 2011

People have different views of what the bride is expecting out of the MOH. As for me I'm expecting my MOH to buy a dress, buy some shoes and be at the church when I ask her to be, and at the rehersal dinner if she is able to make it. I also feel that she gets first shot at planning the bachorlette party, and if anyone else wants to do it they make sure that she doesn't want to do it before the start planning. (So what I mean by that is if someone else plans the bachorlette party without talking to her first they are stepping on her toes). OH and she gives a speach at the reception. This is what I expect your bride may expect different.

My MOH has asked me what she can help me with, she has come with me to pick out jewlery for the bridesmaids and ties for the groomsmen, and she helped me registar (My Fiance didn't want to help). This was all stuff I felt she did above and beyond what she had to do. She will be planning a bachorlette party, but no shower as I'm already have two showers planned by each side of the family. She is also my rock and listens to me complain, does not yell at me but becomes a voice of reason, kindly showing me the other side of the picture.

Good luck and have fun!

Shelly030 · April 2011

Congratulations! This is my first time being a maid of honor as well.
Here's what I've learned so far:
- If doing Shower/Bachelorette find out everyone's budget, get a guest list (I'd give the bride the amount of people your budget can handle) and go from there.
- If doing a Bachelorette party, check and make sure what the bride does & doesn't want. Mine wanted no stripper clubs and more of a relaxing day/fun night thing.
- If you are doing a speech start working on it early so you have time to edit it.

Good luck!

missmichelle1985 · May 2011

Thank you everyone for the advice. sadly my best friend's Fiancee passed away this past week. He died from complications of Muscular Dystrophy. I will keep all of your advice for future refrence. thank you again.

mia082683 · May 2011

That is so awful and I am so sorry to hear that. Losing your significant other can be quite traumatizing. When I lost my BF, I was heartbroken for a long time. Please know I'll be thinking of her during the coming days as they will be some of the hardest of her life.

amys325 · May 2011

I am so sorry to hear that

I couldn't imagine.

You might not be a MOH now, but she chose you for a reason and she's gonna need your help and support through this difficult time. I'm sure you will be there for her.

Cynthia1207 · May 2011

Oh I am so sorry to hear that. You will both be in my thoughts.

Maid Of Honor for the 1st time!! any advice??

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