Best Man will be MIA

elizafitzgerald · September 2012

So I learned yesterday that my FI best man and his wife are now expecting a baby. My first thought was WOOOO! YAY! That's Great!!! Until I learned that his wife is due the day after my wedding and they live in Chicago, our wedding is in New Hampshire. They will not allow BM's wife to travel that close to her due date and I would not expect BM to leave his wife that close to the due date. I am not sure what to do and my FI is getting angry saying "couldn't they just take a month off from trying"

zitiqueen · September 2012

What do you mean, you're not sure what to do? You get married, that's what you do.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

I like your response & being understanding about the situation. Understandable that your husband is hurt that the person he wanted as his BM won't be there for him on one of the biggest days of his life. But time for him to get over it and ask someone else to step up to fill in instead & be happy for his friend.

mandi195 · September 2012

Congrats for them! Great news! Your FI needs to realize that this isn't a crisis, and his friend didn't do anything to "wrong" him or hurt him, and just be happy for him. However, I would not, as PP suggested, replace him. It would be insulting to whoever was the replacement, and what if his baby is born early and he can still make it? I'd leave the spot for him, and if he is able to make it, great; if not, then he will be missed, surely, but should not be replaced.

elizafitzgerald · September 2012

We have no intention of replacing him. He is the best man whether he is there or not. I guess angry was not the right word to use, because he knew that they were trying, it was just not expected that the due date would fall right where it did. When we had last spoken with the BM's wife she had told us she would be on maternity leave when the wedding came around.

LmayB2B · September 2012

Your fiance is NOT a tool as suggested by StageManager14! I don't think you would be engaged to him (or at least I hope) if he was infact a tool. I can see him being upset about the situation, not his BM. He'll get over it. I would select another BM to step in for him.

My cousin married a few months ago and his BM couldn't make it because he works on a nuclear sub for the navy. He was upset about the situation but not upset with his BM. He got over it and selected a stand in.

mbcdefg · September 2012

Yeah, that was a crappy thing for your FI to say, but hopefully he only said it to you and was only speaking out of concern that his best friend won't be there. Roll with the punches, wish them well, and don't replace him. As time gets closer, maybe see if you can set up Skype or something so BM can watch the ceremony or even give his toast at the reception.

gurrlballa10 · September 2012

Baby trumps wedding. Every. single. time.

elizafitzgerald · September 2012

Please understand that my FI is not a "Tool" as previously stated. Yes, some of the things he says can come off rude. He is an infantryman and does not edit himself. His BM is a man who saved his life while he was being shot at in Ramadi. Of course he wanted him there to stand by his side, but baby does come first and he will get past it. No, he will not be replaced, but he does have another GM who will hold the ring for him.

Miss Esa · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-man-will-be-mia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b0e72d71-a535-4dc7-8c51-05cfc1d289d8Post:5ac18f67-e396-4453-880c-e0005ee6c8f9">Re: Best Man will be MIA</a>:
[QUOTE]I like your response & being understanding about the situation. Understandable that your husband is hurt that the person he wanted as his BM won't be there for him on one of the biggest days of his life. But time for him to get over it and ask someone else to step up to fill in instead & be happy for his friend.
Posted by Erikan73[/QUOTE]

Its tacky and rude to ask someone to "fill in".

zitiqueen · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-man-will-be-mia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:b0e72d71-a535-4dc7-8c51-05cfc1d289d8Post:f6990673-8259-46ca-917d-01c965a611fb">Re: Best Man will be MIA</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Your fiance is NOT a tool as suggested by StageManager14! I don't think you would be engaged to him (or at least I hope) if he was infact a tool.</strong> I can see him being upset about the situation, not his BM. He'll get over it. I would select another BM to step in for him. My cousin married a few months ago and his BM couldn't make it because he works on a nuclear sub for the navy. He was upset about the situation but not upset with his BM. He got over it and selected a stand in.
Posted by LmayB2B[/QUOTE]

Please. Women are engaged to and married to tools the world over.

renegade gaucho · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-man-will-be-mia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b0e72d71-a535-4dc7-8c51-05cfc1d289d8Post:be2e8a1b-bd94-435a-b6fb-e636ef42fe15">Re: Best Man will be MIA</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Best Man will be MIA : Gotta be honest, I'm really tired of having being a soldier be an excuse for acting rudely or being selfish. This is the third time I've heard this type of excuse this week, and it makes me want to punch kittens because I know plenty of amazing service men and women who somehow managed not to lose their ability to censor themselves in combat.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I would like to ditto this a thousand times, as would my husband, who has been in the military for 18 years and deployed six times.

Oh, and your husband will change his tune when the two of you start trying for a baby (if that's something you plan to do). He will learn quickly that it's often not something that just happens, and that it's ridiculous to expect people to take a month off from trying to accommodate someone else's schedule nine months in advance.

Maggie0829 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-man-will-be-mia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:b0e72d71-a535-4dc7-8c51-05cfc1d289d8Post:be2e8a1b-bd94-435a-b6fb-e636ef42fe15">Re: Best Man will be MIA</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Best Man will be MIA : Gotta be honest, <strong>I'm really tired of having being a soldier be an excuse for acting rudely or being selfish.</strong> This is the third time I've heard this type of excuse this week, and it makes me want to punch kittens because I know plenty of amazing service men and women who somehow managed not to lose their ability to censor themselves in combat. However, my opinion wasn't based on the fact that he said it out loud but that he thought it at all. I know it sounds harsh, but if a woman felt this way, I would think she was selfish and immature, and I have a hard time feeling differently just because it's a man.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Agree wholeheartedly with everything Stage said, especially the bolded part. I don't give a crap what you do for a living, nothing gives you the right to be outright rude.

Your FI needs to grow up and realize that life does not stop for others just because he is getting married.

And the fact that he replaced his BM is horribly rude. People are not props, they have feelings and will know when they are the second choice replacement.

elizafitzgerald · September 2012

As I have stated 2 times already, he has not been replaced nor will he be. He is still listed on our website as the BM and will be listed on the programs the same way.

I am very sorry if I have offended some of you lovely ladies. I am sure that you have never said a rude thing in your entire lives.

s-aries8990 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-man-will-be-mia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b0e72d71-a535-4dc7-8c51-05cfc1d289d8Post:be2e8a1b-bd94-435a-b6fb-e636ef42fe15">Re: Best Man will be MIA</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Best Man will be MIA : Gotta be honest, I'm really tired of having being a soldier be an excuse for acting rudely or being selfish. This is the third time I've heard this type of excuse this week, and it makes me want to punch kittens because I know plenty of amazing service men and women who somehow managed not to lose their ability to censor themselves in combat. <strong>However, my opinion wasn't based on the fact that he said it out loud but that he thought it at all. I know it sounds harsh, but if a woman felt this way, I would think she was selfish and immature, and I have a hard time feeling differently just because it's a man.</strong>
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

No to the bolded. He can feel however he wants. It must stink, to imagine your big day with your best friend/brother standing next to you, only to realize that he'll be over a thousand miles away and your dreams are crushed. He has the right to have a hissy fit to his wife-to-be. He didn't say it to anyone else besides his closest confidant. It IS selfish and immature, but he'll get over it. Once he realizes how happy his best friend is, he'll probably be one of the most supportive people and will be excited to be an "uncle"

Let him get it all out to you now, set 20 mins on a timer and tell him to scream and pout his head off. He'll stop after like 7 or 8 and be done with it

mcda04 · September 2012

There is nothing you can do and your FI’s mentality is wrong, people shouldn’t put their plans/life on hold because YOU’RE getting married.

tellyy1122 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-man-will-be-mia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b0e72d71-a535-4dc7-8c51-05cfc1d289d8Post:5725754a-79ce-44f2-b9ad-016b5a7fef50">Re: Best Man will be MIA</a>:
[QUOTE]Baby trumps wedding. Every. single. time.
Posted by gurrlballa10[/QUOTE] i agree!!!!<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-sealed.gif" border="0" alt="Sealed" title="Sealed" /><div id="ynano_hooks_page" style="display:none;"></div><div id="ynano_hooks_page" style="display:none;"></div>

tellyy1122 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_best-man-will-be-mia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b0e72d71-a535-4dc7-8c51-05cfc1d289d8Post:acdf1c0c-898d-4ced-b2d9-9a6a718a28fc">Re: Best Man will be MIA</a>:
[QUOTE]It's the "I can't believe they didn't wait another month before trying" that rubs everyone the wrong way. The fact that someone would even THINK this is atrocious.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]i also agree!

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tellyy1122 · September 2012

hes a tool alright.........

Peledreamsofrain · September 2012

I think we need to coin the term "Groomzilla"

Best Man will be MIA

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