Not inviting kids..

aykayp · October 2011

We are in the beginning stages of figuring out our budget.

Since future Fi and I are planning to pay for the wedding ourselves, I’m trying to think of ways to trim as much fat as I possibly can.

That said, would it be bad form to not invite anyone under a certain age, say 15? I love my family and I absolutely adore my younger cousins however, I have a huge extended family and it keeps growing.

Would it offend you to receive an invite to a relatives wedding, minus your kids?

firsttimersluck · October 2011

Nope. It would no offend me. You are throwing a big party and paying for the music, dinner, and dancing. Who am I to judge who you do and don't invite? If I don't want to leave my kids, I just wouldn't come.
You do, however, need to be consistant with who does and doesn't get an invite, or you will end up upsetting family.
For example, we did parents, siblings, aunts/uncles, grandparents, great aunts/uncles and that was that, and 1st cousins.
It's easier to explain to people when you have a set plan, and harder for them to be upset with you.

crownsuperstar · October 2011

It woud not offend me. We have a lot of friends that have children and most of them did not bring the kids because they wanted a weekend of "adult time" and that was fine with us. There were some that brought their kids but our venue had a special price for kids 12 and under.

Rethany · October 2011

I wouldn't be offended. Heck, if I had kids I would consider it a nice night out without them

We are doing what FTL suggested. Cutting it off at a certain point. At first we didn't want kids at all but we realized a lot of our first cousins are still "kids". So we are cutting it off at 1st cousins. A lot of our friends I have talked to said they probably wouldn't bring their children even if they were invited so that made our decision a lot easier.

Beachy730 · October 2011

Ditto FTL. It is fine to limit your wedding to no children, or only a certain age. As long as you are consistent with your cut off and don't make exceptions, then people will be more likely to understand. That goes the same with any cutoffs, whether it be kids or family members.

For example, for kids we invited first cousins only. So we didn't invite our friends' kids or extended family kids.

I also have a huge family, so we had to make family cutoffs as well, so we did first cousins only for that as well, and did up to great aunts and uncles, but no further on either side.

The one thing you have to understand is that some people might choose not to attend if they can't bring their kids. As long as you are okay with that, then you're all set.

calindi · October 2011

It's fine to not invite kids. Some people WILL be offended, but like the others say, if you have a strict rule then it's easier to explain and they can get over it. You will never have everyone happy with a wedding, ever. It's literally impossible.

That said, even if you don't have a STRICT rule, people can and will get over it. For example, we invited aunts & uncles, except for my one aunt who does not speak to my grandma because it was literally an either/or situation - if my aunt came, my grandmother wouldn't. And I don't like my aunt anyway, and I don't care if she's pissed off or ever speaks to me again (and more importantly, neither does my Mom, her sister).

Also, first cousins - I can't imagine not inviting any of my first cousins (minus the children of said aunt). Total, there's around 13 kids under age 18 in that group. But FI has 60 (yep, not a typo) first cousins, and hasn't spoken to some of them literally ever. While others he emails on a monthly basis. So some are invited, some aren't.

Our rule had more to do with relationships: if someone has children under 18, they are invited if the parents are. If someone has children over 18 not living at home, they're only invited if they get their own invitation. If we haven't spoken to someone since before FI and I met 3 years ago, then they are not invited, regardless of the family relationship.

firsttimersluck · October 2011

We toootally has someone mad at us for not being able to bring her baby... But she is kinda the drama queen of the squadron wives so I didn't really care.. Kinda makes me giggle

)

Irishcurls · October 2011

I'm not sure I'd do an arbitrary tween age as the cut off though, personally. What if it splits up a family so some cousins can go but their siblings can't? THAT would offend me I think, though I'm not in this situation so who knows. Why not 18, then it really is adults only. Definitely agree though that you need to be comfortable with people declining or being pissy, but it happens. You truly can not please everyone so don't sweat it too much.

Beachy730 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_not-inviting-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:be564a34-6fe7-4350-b244-2d34139972f6Post:e2f74ce3-e5e8-4ab6-83b9-18d311f0f39a">Re: Not inviting kids..</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure I'd do an arbitrary tween age as the cut off though, personally. What if it splits up a family so some cousins can go but their siblings can't? THAT would offend me I think, though I'm not in this situation so who knows. Why not 18, then it really is adults only. Definitely agree though that you need to be comfortable with people declining or being pissy, but it happens. You truly can not please everyone so don't sweat it too much.
Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah ditto that too. Look at the ages of the children you would be excluding, and try to find a cutoff that didn't break up any families. Sometimes it is easier to just say no kids at all, or only certain families (like first cousins only). </div>

iluvmytxrgr · October 2011

I have four kids. It wouldn't bother me at all to receive an invitation to a wedding that did not include my kids. Depending on the setting, kids don't belong at all weddings. The only exception I would make is moms who are nursing very young babies. I'm not talking 2 year olds. I'm talking newborns and infants who aren't mobile and have to be nursed every couple of hours.

HerNameIsNik · October 2011

It's totally reasonable! We are doing that - no kids under 13. Our reception is at night, at a Museum of Glass (blown glass artwork) so it's really not young-child appropriate.

However, some people have been offended. We have heard second hand that some plan to show up with their kids anyway. Some chose not to come if they couldn't bring their kids. Those are all things to consider.

aykayp · October 2011

In Response to Re: Not inviting kids..:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure I'd do an arbitrary tween age as the cut off though, personally. What if it splits up a family so some cousins can go but their siblings can't? THAT would offend me I think, though I'm not in this situation so who knows. Why not 18, then it really is adults only. Definitely agree though that you need to be comfortable with people declining or being pissy, but it happens. You truly can not please everyone so don't sweat it too much.
Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]

Oh, it was a random number, just for an example. I more or less wanted to see opinions on an age restricted wedding, ya know? Personally, I'd invite the world to share the day with us, but alas, my wallet wouldn't like that very much!

aykayp · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_not-inviting-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:be564a34-6fe7-4350-b244-2d34139972f6Post:f6b2f406-cd4e-41f6-a291-939020f38bfb">Re: Not inviting kids..</a>:
[QUOTE]It's totally reasonable! We are doing that - no kids under 13. <strong>Our reception is at night, at a Museum of Glass (blown glass artwork)</strong> so it's really not young-child appropriate. However, some people have been offended. We have heard second hand that some plan to show up with their kids anyway. Some chose not to come if they couldn't bring their kids. Those are all things to consider.
Posted by HerNameIsNik[/QUOTE]

WOW, now there's an AWESOME idea.

aykayp · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_not-inviting-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:be564a34-6fe7-4350-b244-2d34139972f6Post:1c0495a2-6d16-40ef-841c-d0ca5f9a779b">Re: Not inviting kids..</a>:
[QUOTE]I have four kids. It wouldn't bother me at all to receive an invitation to a wedding that did not include my kids. Depending on the setting, kids don't belong at all weddings. <strong>The only exception I would make is moms who are nursing very young babies.</strong> I'm not talking 2 year olds. I'm talking newborns and infants who aren't mobile and have to be nursed every couple of hours.
Posted by iluvmytxrgr[/QUOTE]

I always figured that exception wouldn't need to even be addressed, because it is a given. But I'll keep that in mind if we do decide to exclude children.

divinemsbee · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_not-inviting-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:be564a34-6fe7-4350-b244-2d34139972f6Post:f6b2f406-cd4e-41f6-a291-939020f38bfb">Re: Not inviting kids..</a>:
[QUOTE]It's totally reasonable! We are doing that - no kids under 13. Our reception is at night, at a Museum of Glass (blown glass artwork) so it's really not young-child appropriate. However, some people have been offended. <strong>We have heard second hand that some plan to show up with their kids anyway.</strong> Some chose not to come if they couldn't bring their kids. Those are all things to consider.
Posted by HerNameIsNik[/QUOTE]

This makes me rage-ful. If you don't feel like you can leave your kids with a sitter, I get that, I guess, just don't come. But don't be a jackass. I see so many questions about age restrictions on TK, and parents like this are why. Yeah, I should trust a parent to, you know, parent their child and not let him/her get out of hand regardless, but if it's a parent like this, it does create a lack of trust in their ability to control their kid. Because it seems to teach the kid that if you don't get what you want, just do it anyway.

And I will be having a good many kids at my wedding, lots of family and friends got started before I did. :)

Not inviting kids..

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