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May 2013 Weddings

Dear FMIL...

In honor of the crazy FMIL (or troll) who posted on the etiquette board, I would like to start a voluntary thread of letters to our FMIL. I'll go first. . .

Dear FMIL,
First off I would like to thank you. If it were not for you, my future husband would not be here, in my life, and for that, I say again, Thank You.

I am so glad that FI and I are not asking or otherwise taking a dime from you for this wedding. I have heard just a few stories from other brides on this board regarding the strain on relationships caused by money and I know that we would have been the "biggest story" this board had ever seen, had we asked or taken money from you.

To answer a few questions you may have, I will say this:
1. Yes, we are officially getting married. No, there is nothing you can do about it. I am good woman and a great partner for your son and you just need to get over the fact that you will not be the only woman in his life, and you may not be #1 anymore.

2. I don't know if we are having kids. But whether we do or do not, that is his choice. I will not be "the reason" we are not having kids and if we decide that we will have kids, you better be on your best behavior if you want to be actively involved in his/her life.

3. There is no longer a need for you to keep mentioning what his ex's are doing on facebook. There is a reason they are no longer together and there is a reason they are not facebook "friends". And if they were such horrible women (as you had previously said to FI) then why are you "friends" anyway?

That is all for now.
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Re: Dear FMIL...

  • Ohhh!! I wanna play!
    Dear FMIL,
    You are completely crazy and you have more than tested the bond FI and I have. There have been many times we have argued over you and it's been a BIG test. So glad him and I are on the same page now. I'm honestly not sorry that I'm taking away your "baby boy" because he's not a baby. He's a grown man that can take care of himself. And he also can make up his own mind, so stop blaming me for everything he does that upsets you. I think you need to slow down being obnoxious and act a little more like an adult since you freak over every little thing. And PLEASE give me the names of significant others from your family & friends list, I don't want to look stupid when I do invitations.
    Sincerly,
    The bi@tch that's marrying your son no matter what you say.
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  • For a second I thought it was your FMIL Mama that posted that stupid thread!

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  • Haha no need to post mine. We're all aware.

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  • edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_dear-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:0ba1d351-972b-465f-bf83-0943c6e0f825Post:70e7b06d-5881-462b-aebb-55e0372f13e2">Dear FMIL...</a>:
    [QUOTE]2. I don't know if we are having kids. But whether we do or do not, that is his choice. I will not be "the reason" we are not having kids and if we decide that we will have kids, you better be on your best behavior if you want to be actively involved in his/her life. Posted by MamaBear904[/QUOTE]

    YES!

    I don't get this from FMIL (yet at least), but basically everyone else in my life. 

    When we tell people we don't want kids, they look at me like I sprouted a second head, and say, "you'll change your mind."
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_dear-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:0ba1d351-972b-465f-bf83-0943c6e0f825Post:70e7b06d-5881-462b-aebb-55e0372f13e2">Dear FMIL...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know if we are having kids. But whether we do or do not, that is his choice. I will not be "the reason" we are not having kids and if we decide that we will have kids, you better be on your best behavior if you want to be actively involved in his/her life. 
    Posted by MamaBear904[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Oh ughhhh I decided (when I realized how crazy my FILs are) to announce to FSIL that we weren't planning on having children for probably 5 years or so.  She thinks I'm nuts!  She told me we have to have kids sooner than that because FI is getting older (if we waited 5 years, he would only be 34!) and she wants her kids to have cousins their own age.

    </div>

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  • In Response to Re:Dear FMIL...:[QUOTE]In Response to Dear FMIL...:2. I don't know if we are having kids. But whether we do or do not, that is his choice. I will not be "the reason" we are not having kids and if we decide that we will have kids, you better be on your best behavior if you want to be actively involved in his/her life. Posted by MamaBear904YES!I don't get this from FMIL yet at least, but basically everyone else in my life.nbsp;When we tell people we don't want kids, they look at me like I sprouted a second head, and say, "you'll change your mind." Posted by bcbrown63[/QUOTE]

    OMG! We get that too!

    FI and have made the choice from the beginning to not have kids. Both sets of parents are completely okay with it, a few select relatives have outright called us selfish and that we're "too young to realize the joy of having a child". I'm 25 and FI is 26, if I can be a homeowner, work 2 jobs, and get my dog necessary vet care then I think I can make that decision lol! We're not 16 and pregnant lol.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_dear-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:0ba1d351-972b-465f-bf83-0943c6e0f825Post:32cc7213-9514-4337-b869-5c8f383382f0">Re:Dear FMIL...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Dear FMIL...: OMG! We get that too! FI and have made the choice from the beginning to not have kids. Both sets of parents are completely okay with it, a few select relatives have outright called us selfish and that we're "too young to realize the joy of having a child". I'm 25 and FI is 26, if I can be a homeowner, work 2 jobs, and get my dog necessary vet care then I think I can make that decision lol! We're not 16 and pregnant lol.
    Posted by SSaltzman87[/QUOTE]

    We decided that from the beginning, too!  I'm 25 and FI is 27, so we are in the same boat.

    His parents are okay with it, my mom is not at all!  I haven't gotten the "selfish" one from her, but I do get the, "I want grandkids!"
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_dear-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:0ba1d351-972b-465f-bf83-0943c6e0f825Post:4c7d8990-d091-477c-ae08-7f598db06f01">Re: Dear FMIL...</a>:
    [QUOTE]For a second I thought it was your FMIL Mama that posted that stupid thread!
    Posted by vchan4[/QUOTE]

    Haha. No. Don't give her that much credit! She doesn't even know what a username is.
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  • I have to say that I lucked out with my FMIL. She and I get along really great, although she is ALWAYS comparing her older son to my FI and it gets very annoying. I am also glad we're not taking money from them, because the only portion of the wedding they do want to contribute to still hasn't gotten done. 

    She told her boys that she would always be the most important woman in their lives until they got married. They both think this is ridiculous, but I find that interacting with her with this mentality in mind really helps our relationship. She knows that I am going to be considered first, but she probably appeciates the fact that I nudge FI to think about her, too.

    FBIL's FI is an entirely different story, but not quite as bad as Mel's. She is have 3 PPDs and is getting paid to write a wedding blog after proclaiming loudly to anyone who would listen that she would never get married because it is the "worst contract ever written." Blarg. I like her as a person, but she doesn't seem to extend the same courtesy to me.
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  • My FMIL is great.  We get along well and she's excited that her son is marrying me (one of her co-workers even told me this).  We probably won't be best friends, but I think we'll always have a pleasant, respectful relationship.  She and FFIL have generously agreed to give us money for the wedding (FH and I had planned on paying for everything ourselves so it was a nice surprise) and host the rehearsal dinner.

    I used to be VERY close to my ex-bf's mother; I could talk to her about anything and it felt horrible to lose her in the breakup.  FMIL and I won't be THAT close, I bet, but I still think I'm super lucky.
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  • My FMIL is super sweet and for the most part has been incredibly welcoming to me, but I've noticed some drama creep in since we got engaged. So I just have to say:

    1) I am NOT stealing your only child away. He has lived on his own for many years and was away at college before that. He is independent already and I have NO intention of breaking up any bond between the two of you.

    2) I am willing to listen to your comments and ideas about the wedding, especially since you are contributing. However, mentioning trivial things you don't like about our venues or something else six months or more after they have been booked and paid for is too late! Also, you can tell me if you have objections. You don't need to tell me "that sounds great!" and then immediately email FI and ask him questions or complain about something. We have talked about it and made the decision together. I am not bullying him into anything.

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  • First I would like to mention that what most of you are doing is very rude. I know my son's future wife posts on here, I looked quite a bit and I know it's her. Sad to think that she has nothing better to do with her day.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_dear-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:0ba1d351-972b-465f-bf83-0943c6e0f825Post:92c781e3-9d52-4946-8919-b7f3ea50e51a">Re: Dear FMIL...</a>:
    [QUOTE]First I would like to mention that what most of you are doing is very rude. I know my son's future wife posts on here, I looked quite a bit and I know it's her. Sad to think that she has nothing better to do with her day.
    Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

    Well obviously neither do you.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_dear-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:0ba1d351-972b-465f-bf83-0943c6e0f825Post:92c781e3-9d52-4946-8919-b7f3ea50e51a">Re: Dear FMIL...</a>:
    [QUOTE]First I would like to mention that what most of you are doing is very rude. I know my son's future wife posts on here, I looked quite a bit and I know it's her. Sad to think that she has nothing better to do with her day.
    Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

    <div>Oh and it's not rude to come to a message board and bltch about your "son's future wife" when in reality any normal person would be pissed off by what you did. </div><div>
    </div><div>Clearly, you're so much better than your FDIL and the rest of us that post here since we have "nothing better to do" so you can just move right along. </div>



  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_dear-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:0ba1d351-972b-465f-bf83-0943c6e0f825Post:92c781e3-9d52-4946-8919-b7f3ea50e51a">Re: Dear FMIL...</a>:
    [QUOTE]First I would like to mention that what most of you are doing is very rude. I know my son's future wife posts on here, I looked quite a bit and I know it's her. Sad to think that she has nothing better to do with her day.
    Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

    <div>Look lady, this board is always civil and calm and normal. We have no drama here and have become a group of very good friends. If you have an issue with your son or future daughter in law be an adult and talk to them face to face. Not a message board, especially this one.</div><div>
    </div><div>And for what it's worth, no one here has even mentioned anything about you outside of this thread so I am unsure where you see that.</div>
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  • edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_dear-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:0ba1d351-972b-465f-bf83-0943c6e0f825Post:92c781e3-9d52-4946-8919-b7f3ea50e51a">Re: Dear FMIL...</a>:
    [QUOTE]First I would like to mention that what most of you are doing is very rude. I know my son's future wife posts on here, I looked quite a bit and I know it's her. Sad to think that she has nothing better to do with her day.
    Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

    How is this any ruder than what you did?

    You posted on a message board on a website you admitted to knowing that your FDIL also posts on, and then had the nerve to hunt her down on the board she frequents and try to find an instance of her bitching about you.  You're a class act.  Making your FDIL look bad is not going to improve anyting with the sh1tty situation you caused.
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  • Holy crazy on crackers, this lady needs serious meds.  First she brutally pulls her FDIL over the coals financially, refuses to compromise, slanders her in public, THEN stalks her?  O_O

    W.O.W!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  • Oh boy she's decided to bring her immaturity amd craziness over here! This is honestly not the place for a bride's FMIL to be lecturing her, or anyone else for that matter. You may leave now.

    Now as for the original point of this post, lol, I am also one of the lucky ones. I haven't had too much to complain about with my FMIL. She treats me with respect and love so I treat her the same. She does feel like she's "losing her baby" but after reading some of these stories, I realize she's actually not that bad. lol She's actually been very supportive of us and realizes that her son has found the one in me!
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  • If this really is someone's mom, I am so sorry that you're going through this. I don't understand how human beings (much less almost family) treat each other with such disrespect. However, if you send me her phone number, I promise to have a field day trying out all of my prank calls from the 8th grade sleep over days.


    gettin' hitched 05.04.13
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_dear-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:0ba1d351-972b-465f-bf83-0943c6e0f825Post:0f9941c0-9a75-4831-aaba-d702e56cd4af">Re: Dear FMIL...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If this really is someone's mom, I am so sorry that you're going through this. I don't understand how human beings (much less almost family) treat each other with such disrespect. However, if you send me her phone number, I promise to have a field day trying out all of my prank calls from the 8th grade sleep over days.
    Posted by carpenters3[/QUOTE]

    LOL!! 
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  • You are clearly the immature one here, Momma. And YOU must not have anything better to do with YOUR day. I would deactivate your account now before you get banned, just saying.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_dear-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:0ba1d351-972b-465f-bf83-0943c6e0f825Post:92c781e3-9d52-4946-8919-b7f3ea50e51a">Re: Dear FMIL...</a>:
    [QUOTE]First I would like to mention that what most of you are doing is very rude. I know my son's future wife posts on here, I looked quite a bit and I know it's her. Sad to think that she has nothing better to do with her day.
    Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

    For someone who has to work to jobs and blah blah blah, I'm surprised YOU have nothing better to do with your day, like, maybe earn some money to pay for your 22 guests!!!
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