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When to choose bridesmaids?

emilyannew11emilyannew11
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in Moms and Maids
My wedding is June 2013. I'm debating when I should pick my bridesmaids. I pretty much have it narrowed down to who it will be, but can't decide when to ask.

Those of you who were brides recently or are getting married, when did you ask your girls?
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Re: When to choose bridesmaids?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You should wait until you are about 8 months (max) out from your wedding before asking anyone to be in your weddng party.  You may have it narrowed down now but you just never know what tomorrow may bring.

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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    Wait until about 6 - 9 months out.  Seriously, just read a few threads on this board and the Wedding Party board and you'll understand why.  There's a lot of potential for drama when you ask too early...
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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I got engaged and we planned a wedding 9 months later, so I ended up asking my BMs soon after my engagement just because our engagement wasn't very long. Like PP said, 6-9 months out is good. You still have plenty of time to work out dresses, etc., and friendships can change. That's why we advise not asking a year+ out. Even if someone is a best friend today, stuff happens. You may also later decide to not have a WP or just have an honor attendant or decide to elope, etc. It's best to wait until you start planning more.


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  • cmmckinney19cmmckinney19 member
    First Comment
    I am getting married in August of 2013, and my fiance' asked me in October of 2011. I asked my girls in January of 2012, and my MOH who was my best friend for 6 years and I got into a huge fight and I kicked her out of my wedding. I know who I want to be my new MOH, but she was going to be a bridesmaid and now I have to find someone to replace her because knocking some of the groomsmen off isn'tou an option since they are my fiance's family plus my twin brother. I recommend waiting until about 9 months or so until your wedding because you don't want something like that to happen to you. It's been really tough on us. Best of luck and congratulations!!
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  • texasbride0617texasbride0617 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Okay -- I get the whole waiting thing. I was a bridesmaid in a childhood friend's wedding, and she definitely asked us too early. She asked over a year in advance. We had been friends for 15 years and by the time her wedding rolled around, things were really stressful in our friendship. Now, three years later, we never talk. Like not even on facebook. So I understand that it is wise to wait because you just never know where things will go.

    But: how to handle the long engagement?? We're not getting married until November 2013. I know that I shouldn't ask until next January or so, but I can tell that certain friends are getting antsy. I've simply told some of them that I'm not making those choices until it gets sooner, but it feels so dumb coming out of my mouth... like I'm basically saying "I guess we're friends, but I have a feeling something might happen so I'm going to hold off on that for now..." I don't know if I can keep doing this for another 6 months. (And my mother of all people is really pushing me to make that decision.)

    Is there a more polite way to say that you're waiting to ask? Or just... make them deal with it? It feels like I'm asking my friends to sign a pre-nup.
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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_when-to-choose-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:07cf26cb-88e1-4cd0-b0cb-b72217d3c801Post:7e743b8f-9f0e-4319-a065-6a60e67b8a9d">Re: When to choose bridesmaids?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay -- I get the whole waiting thing. I was a bridesmaid in a childhood friend's wedding, and she definitely asked us too early. She asked over a year in advance. We had been friends for 15 years and by the time her wedding rolled around, things were really stressful in our friendship. Now, three years later, we never talk. Like not even on facebook. So I understand that it is wise to wait because you just never know where things will go. But: how to handle the long engagement?? We're not getting married until November 2013. I know that I shouldn't ask until next January or so, but I can tell that certain friends are getting antsy. I've simply told some of them that I'm not making those choices until it gets sooner, but it feels so dumb coming out of my mouth... like I'm basically saying "I guess we're friends, but I have a feeling something might happen so I'm going to hold off on that for now..." I don't know if I can keep doing this for another 6 months. (And my mother of all people is really pushing me to make that decision.) Is there a more polite way to say that you're waiting to ask? Or just... make them deal with it? It feels like I'm asking my friends to sign a pre-nup.
    Posted by SMN272[/QUOTE]

    They shouldn't be asking if they're in the WP to begin with. if they do, I think saying, "We haven't done a whole lot of planning and haven't made those decisions yet" is perfectly fine.


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  • joe&cassiejoe&cassie
    First Comment
    The best thing I ever did about that was just stop talking about it with people other than family.  I had a friend who was talking about how she was going to be helping plan my wedding and this and that and the other and I finally got fed up with it and said "According to who?" needless to say it shut her up but she wasn't exactly my friend either anymore so just be careful.  I like what pp said and just say we haven't been doing much planning so I haven't decided yet.
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  • Katelyn89Katelyn89
    First Comment
    Wait! I asked mine early, even after reading the horror stories. I thought it would be different for me, but no. My bridesmaid and I don't even speak anymore (not wedding related) and obviously she will no longer be in my wedding.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_when-to-choose-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:07cf26cb-88e1-4cd0-b0cb-b72217d3c801Post:c814e8e7-ae5e-4989-8a67-b78f72f72ed8">Re: When to choose bridesmaids?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am getting married in August of 2013, and my fiance' asked me in October of 2011. I asked my girls in January of 2012, and my MOH who was my best friend for 6 years and I got into a huge fight and I kicked her out of my wedding. I know who I want to be my new MOH, but she was going to be a bridesmaid and now I have to find someone to replace her because knocking some of the groomsmen off isn'tou an option since they are my fiance's family plus my twin brother. I recommend waiting until about 9 months or so until your wedding because you don't want something like that to happen to you. It's been really tough on us. Best of luck and congratulations!!
    Posted by cmmckinney19[/QUOTE]

    Oh dear lord, just stop!

    Don't replace anyone or move anyone around.  You have done enough damage with the whole kicking your MOH out of your wedding.  Just keep everyone as is.  Oh and sides don't have to be even so just because you may have one or two people less on your side then your FI has does not mean your marriage will be any less real and official.

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  • karulynekarulyne
    First Comment
    wow...I asked mine a year in advance, I've known forever who I would ask and I can't fathom how anything could happen to damage those relationships (though I still have awhile before the wedding), its crazy how many of you had issues, so sorry to hear that! Hopefully I won't have any regrets to report in the future, though I know these girls all really well and we've never had any fights or any drama to speak of. I would think if you have any rocky relationships with people it might be better to wait to ask (or choose someone else altogether). The only time I think it would be good to ask as far in advance as you can is if your bridesmaid lives far away and will need to factor in flight and hotel along with the other expenses...2 of mine are halfway across the country and I wanted to give them time to figure out if they could afford the 'honor' and if so then they could start saving and making arrangements to be here for a few days to help with last-minute wedding plans, rehearsal dinner etc.
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  • french_manifrench_mani
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I never thought about the issue of asking too early. now it's got me thinking. i was planning to ask my girls (&1 guy) at my engagement party (June 23), but we don't even have a wedding date set yet. we are thinking July 2013. I wanted to ask them each individually at our party, and already told the jr. bridesmaids moms we were going to ask the little girls on that day! My fimace has already told his guy friends becasue he has already known forever who would be in his WP and they have the same close group of friends. I guess I will have to rethink this a little more. I have a week to decide what to do
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