RSVP Mini-Vent

Nikki71 · July 2012

We have one week and one day until our RSVPs are due and we still haven't heard from more than HALF the people we invited!!!

We did build in an extra week to make sure we have time to reach out to those who haven't responded.... and I know some people will get back to us within the next week... but I still am so amazed that people can't just respond when they get the invite or soon thereafter. Invites went out almost a month ago. I anticipated having to take time to get answers from some people... I just wasn't anticipating that it could be this many... Grrr...

I know, I know. Things could be worse and we still have a week left, I just get antsy about RSVPs because they essentially dictate how much this wedding will cost!

cronin85 · July 2012

I am on the same page as you. My RSVP's have a response date of Aug 1st and we have a little bit over half that still have NOT responded. AND I have seen some of those non responders and they say "see ya at the wedding".... ugggh I feel your pain haha I'm such a nervous reck!

KBSK12 · July 2012

OP, we are both getting married the same weekend (I'm Sept. 1). When do you have to have final numbers to your caterer? We set our RSVP date at August 12 because we need to have a final count two weeks out, so we added an extra week.

Nikki71 · July 2012

My RSVP by date is Aug. 2 but I don't actually have to give a final number until a week after. I was anticipating making some calls/emails to get responses, I just was not expecting this many people to leave it to the last minute.

Honestly, emailing/calling people to see if they're going to come just seems so awkward and I'm dreading it.

Cronin, glad to see you feel my pain!

Although not glad for your sake...

kellycatalo · July 2012

yep, our rsvp date is august 1st. however, i don't need the numbers for the caterer until august 29th. but it would be nice to know earlier so i can get started on the escort cards and seating chart. im still waiting on about 45% of my rsvp's to come back.

KBSK12 · July 2012

I forgot about the seating chart... kind of dreading that. Also dreading the calling and emailing to those we haven't heard from by the deadline, although I will probably enlist FMIL to handle his side of the family and my mom will help with ours. It could get pretty awkward.

Nikki71 · July 2012

IT IS AWKWARD.

"Oh hey, Aunt XXX. Haven't spoken in more than a year. Seems you've disregarded my RSVP date. So, are ya coming to the wedding?"

haha obviously I wouldn't say that quite in that way...

cronin85 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_rsvp-mini-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:097e137e-8c9b-43b5-ad03-182dac9ac10cPost:48805e3c-ec09-4cd5-bc96-38097778db13">Re: RSVP Mini-Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]IT IS AWKWARD. "Oh hey, Aunt XXX. Haven't spoken in more than a year. Seems you've disregarded my RSVP date. So, are ya coming to the wedding?" haha obviously I wouldn't say that quite in that way...
Posted by Nikki71[/QUOTE]

Agreed, very awkward! haha hopefully we can have our family help with that part!

calindi · July 2012

The best way to phrase it is to make sure they've received the invite - sometimes people haven't gotten it! The post office has a way of stealing them. Once they've confirmed they got it, you just ask if they'll be able to make it.

So the convo goes like this:

"Hey Aunt Barbara, how are you? It's been so long! Listen, I wanted to make sure you received the invitation we mailed you for our wedding." (Yes, Aunt Barbara did get it, and thinks it's beautiful) "Great! I'm so glad you got it. Do you know if you'll be able to make the wedding? We need to give final numbers to the caterer, and it would be great to know if you'll be able to attend."

In the off chance she did not receive it, you can give her the information, send her to the wedding website for information, offer to send another (if you have leftovers), and still get her RSVP if she knows if she can or can't make it. Worst case you say, "Well, since you're only now hearing of it, why don't I give you a few days to figure out if you'll be able to make it? Can I give you a call on Thursday?"

About 2/3 of FI's family & friends haven't RSVP'd. We have plenty of time, and our RSVP date is July 31st. The biggest issue is that we have to pay for at least 135 people regardless of how many actually attend, and right now we are looking at an absolute maximum of 136 people if everyone RSVP's yes (which I'm quite sure they won't do). So we do have some friends who would be all for the free dinner & dancing (we would insist on no gift) if we have extra seats that we're paying for anyway, but the longer we wait to ask them if they want to come, the more awkward it becomes (yes, I know B-Lists are rude. These people are all very aware they're not invited, and are very understanding that we have huge families, but would love to be there if we could fit them. They have done the same for our family in the past.)

Sunrise1028 · July 2012

I am soooooo glad to see this post and that I'm not alone. Even though I have a month before the RSVPs are due, we cut the date SOOOO close. Phone calls/emails are starting now so we can rotate new family members in if need be. It is really upsetting to see no RSVPs in the mail when I get home from work. To date we have 28 people attending and 2 nos. Out of the 118 we invited.

Callmefia · July 2012

This is why its a bad idea to set your RSVP date SOOOO early. Not everyone is sure they will be available. I set mine 10 days before final numbers to the caterer. Its Sept 3 for a wedding on Sept 22. Most people send it at the last minute too, so you really shouldn't worry until after the date passes.

Also I explained to someone recently that I sent in an RSVP once for a family friend (who I'm not personally that close to) and the next day received an invite for FI's FAMILY on the same day that I had no clue was coming. We had to decline the family wedding since I had to RSVP so early for the not-so-close family friend event. I felt REALLY bad. I am still bummed by this and it was over a year ago. So yeah, now I wait until the last minute to send RSVP's in.

In other cases there are illnesses that keep people from knowing. My boss today said something to the effect that he would be able to go on vacation, so long as his elderly dad and MIL are still hanging in. More than a month's notice is kind of tough sometimes for people!

KBSK12 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_rsvp-mini-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:097e137e-8c9b-43b5-ad03-182dac9ac10cPost:3402dc80-094f-4131-a0c0-aab35c7550aa">Re: RSVP Mini-Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]This is why its a bad idea to set your RSVP date SOOOO early. Not everyone is sure they will be available. I set mine 10 days before final numbers to the caterer. Its Sept 3 for a wedding on Sept 22. Most people send it at the last minute too, so you really shouldn't worry until after the date passes. Also I explained to someone recently that I sent in an RSVP once for a family friend (who I'm not personally that close to) and the next day received an invite for FI's FAMILY on the same day that I had no clue was coming. We had to decline the family wedding since I had to RSVP so early for the not-so-close family friend event. I felt REALLY bad. I am still bummed by this and it was over a year ago. So yeah, now I wait until the last minute to send RSVP's in. In other cases there are illnesses that keep people from knowing. My boss today said something to the effect that he would be able to go on vacation, so long as his elderly dad and MIL are still hanging in. More than a month's notice is kind of tough sometimes for people!
Posted by Callmefia[/QUOTE]

Yeah, this is why we set it as late as possible. Caterer needs to know 2 weeks out, so we set it for 3 to give us enough time to contact those who haven't responded. I think anymore than that is too early, as illustrated by your story with your family wedding you couldn't attend. Everyone's circumstances are different, but it can be tough for some people to commit to something that is even a month away.

moonlightstar74 · July 2012

Lucky enough that I am only missing 3 people's responses. I am one of the brides that sent her invites early June. Most replies came in way before the requested date....maybe since I only have 100 to worry about for the dinner made this easy or me?

cinderellasjc · July 2012

We sent ours out on July 10th, rsvp by August 10th, and are still waiting on about half.

You have to remember there are alot of ppl on summer vacations, and some that can't commit to a weekend function until it gets closer. Sending them out too early can back fire sometimes. My sister sent hers out early and got A LOT of yes replys that did not come to the wedding, because something came up.

ericalking · July 2012

We are having the same issue - we have an RSVP date of August 4th (so yeah there's still some time) and have only received half. *sigh* We've received the ones that we already knew were a definite yes and a definite no (because they're out of towners and/or my mom's extended family who probably wouldn't know who I was if I was standing right next to them) but we're waiting for the ones that could go either way. I guess the biggest annoyance is wanting to move forward with planning - like the seating chart, amount of favors, programs, menu cards, place cards that indicate meal selection. It feels like there's SO much to do but it's a waiting game until you hear from everyone!!

hanlonsk · August 2012

I was hoping this post would make me feel better... however, today was the deadline and all of you are worrying about half, I have gotten about 1/3 back so far... yikes

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