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So glad I found this board!

cwcottagecwcottage member
100 Comments
in Second Weddings
Hi everyone. I am pretty new here and got off to a rocky start to put it mildly lol My first post was about my situation of my soon to be ex-husband refusing to sign the divorce papers AND I was already planning my new wedding.

Let me elaborate a bit (eyes rolling)...

I have been separated since March 07. Bitter divorce with domestic violence involved. Married almost 25 years at that point, 3 kids. I let him draw up the papers and pay for the attorney. I signed but he refused to after agreeing to 3 times. Not because of changes in the paperwork, he just wanted to cause hardship. In the mean time I met my fiance. The ex again promised to sign the papers so we began planning the wedding (engaged Oct. 09 and the wedding a year away at that point - Sept. of this year). The last petition was supposed to be signed and finalized Feb. 14 of this year. Didn't happen again...

I posted about this. Looking back I was just having a moment and needed to vent. If I had any idea of the nasty hateful responses I would have never ever done so.

I was shocked and just dumbfounded people could be so cruel. My sadness turned to anger and then sadness again for the women that were posting such hateful personal things once I saw the pattern of their posts. Then I realized these women were just like a high school clique I figured I would have some fun and just randomly respond in a smart ass kind of way. I know, my bad lol Boy they can dish it out but sure can't take it you know! lol They continued to berate me in any way they could. My last (and final) post was a thread I started last night. I saw one of them started a how to spot a newb post a few days ago so I added my own how to spot an oldie post lol Within SECONDS they swarmed. Having more important things to do with my time last night I left the thread after the third page! I'm sure they all continued. I haven't and won't be reading it.

I just happened to bump into this thread this morning. It would be great to actually post sincere questions or concerns without being attacked. I have read some of the posts here and you ladies really seem to have you act together and I can relate to many of the ways you all look at these boards and the people that post here and life in general. This is what I was hoping to find here in the first place.

Thank you all for offering the support to one another and I look forward to being a part of that.


Stuff For Sale http://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisbriwedding/
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Re: So glad I found this board!

  • wendyjoy182wendyjoy182
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It is sad how cruel people can be to cyber strangers.  This board has been great.  I sincerely hope your Ex cooperates very soon.  I'm sorry to know someone would be that cruel to another.  The most important thing is you are no longer with the abusive ex.  I hope this gets resolved for you very soon.  Attorney can't help?  GL and glad you found this board too!
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  • cwcottagecwcottage member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks Wendyjoy. He finally did sign the papers after I went to court and the judge forced him to. That was an interesting day. Now I won't have to have a "fake" wedding as the other board called it. Smile
    Stuff For Sale http://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisbriwedding/
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  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well, there are a lot of women in the world, so it makes sense that there would have to be just as many douches out there. ;) 

    This board has been a useful one, and full of very nice women.  I think sometimes people get so caught up in what the "rules" for "weddings" are that they lose sight of the part about it also being about fun and love. 

    I'm always amused at the ones freaking out about etiquette rules while spelling every other word incorrectly and using "down in the holler" hysterics to make their point.  Of course, I'm amused by unconventional things, I suppose. :)

    Welcome and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  Trust me, you're not the only one who was/is dealing with finalizing the divorce while planning the next wedding.  S*it happens. 
    10-10-10
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  • cwcottagecwcottage member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Melissa where the heck were you a month ago? lol

    You know I know there are others out there in unconventional situations. I was hoping to find someone on the board I posted or someone that knew someone kind of thing just to get some feedback.

    It seemed to me that any kind of situation that didn't fall into their little comfort zone area of tunnel vision was attacked. In the real world everything isn't cookie cutter. Those of us that have some life experience obviously know this through our trials.

    The thing that really seemed to get the panties in a wad was that I was going to have the wedding regardless. It would have been "fake" yes but we would have gone to the court house and had it done legally later. Our friends and family are all aware of the situation and supportive. THEY understood what I had been through up until that point and how hard things had been for me and our family. They said I was an idiot to plan a wedding when I wasn't divorced yet. And yes, I can see how that could appear. I'm sure I would raise my eyebrows at that as well. I did my best to explain my personal situation to no avail. They said all I was doing was seeking "validation" for my stupid "fake" wedding and how they would be "pissed" if they were asked to attend a fake wedding and on and on. lol
     
    These women are also very opinionated about getting married privately and then having a big wedding afterwards. They call it fake or even worse.

    I then realized how across the board these attacks were here on TK. So sad. I have seen it scare many newbies away for good.

    I'm sure the real world and real issues will catch up to them as time goes on. Sometimes you just have to deal with the cards you are dealt. It might not be the ideal situation but you have to make the best of it.

    One of them posted a picture of "the short bus". I work with children that have disabilities and found this just too offensive. I posted I hope they don't have the misfortune to have kids that need to ride that bus one day.

    Have a nice evening everyone.
    Stuff For Sale http://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisbriwedding/
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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Welcome to the mature board Smile

    We look forward to hearing the details of your "real wedding" LOL.

    It sounds like you've looked back over many of our posts, so no need to elaborate. I find the people here sweet, supportive, mature, and accepting of whatever the situation may be.

    Good luck.
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    When these young women have more life experience under their belts, I would hope they'll be more tolerant and come to know that not all situs are as cookie cutter perfect as one would like them to be.

    Welcome CW!
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  • cwcottagecwcottage member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you both so much for the welcomes! It was a great way to start the day!
    Stuff For Sale http://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisbriwedding/
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  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The funny thing - most people I know, family included, think I AM a bridezilla type and am too worried about it all.  If only they logged in here every once in a while!

    There are a few on here (I honestly don't even know their Knot names, I just remember the posts/tones of the posts) that I think were probably a little too old to be on MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen, so they are substituting My Super Trendwhore Wedding.  I don't even have an issue with that, to be honest, it's just...don't they realize how stupid it comes across?  It's entirely possible to be a total bit.ch and still have a likeable personality.  They just haven't figured that one out, yet. I, however, am the optimistic type -  I'm sure it's on the list of things to do right after "crucify anyone not having salmon double plated after 7pm."
    10-10-10
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  • cwcottagecwcottage member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    LOL (they jumped me for using LOL too LOL)

    The Bridezilla thing is so funny too. Gosh, even the TV is nothing compared to some of the gals on here!
    Stuff For Sale http://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisbriwedding/
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  • daynalyntroydaynalyntroy
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    HAAA!!!!  Melissa, You're awesome!  So true, and thanks for the chuckle!

    By the way, I've run across the "fake wedding" criticisms and I think that's one of the more ridiculous assertions I've ever heard of.  You're exchanging vows with the person you love and celebrating your emotional and spiritual commitment in the presence of the people who will be in your lives throughout your marriage.  There's nothing "fake" about it.  So what if that exchange comes before or after the legally binding paper-signing part?
    In my case, we found out that my grandparents' health is preventing them from making the trip to the DW, which was devastating news for not only us, but for them.  A couple of days later, we found out that getting my dad ordained to legally perform the ceremony has become an epic pain in the a$$. 
    To solve the legal issue, and include my grandparents (who have been married for 60 years in June), a few days ago, we took them with us to the JOP and they were our witnesses.  We were so happy and honored to have them present for the legal part, and they were nothing short of thrilled to be included.  While legal, we are not considering our marriage "official"(and no, we're not lying to anyone) until May 16th when we make the emotional and spiritual exchange, uniting our families.   
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  • AdelphiTNAdelphiTN member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hey Daynalyn - congrats! I know, I know - i should wait two more weeks to say that. :)

    Very sweet that your grandparents were there... what an incredibly special moment that must have been.
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  • daynalyntroydaynalyntroy
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks, Adelphi!  It really was a beautiful moment, and I'm so glad we did things this way.
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  • cwcottagecwcottage member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_glad-found-this-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:8a1e955b-0a72-4e40-ba79-6a60b91e6f54Post:2f57e41c-9bd1-49b5-af4c-b4154748932e">Re: So glad I found this board!</a>:
    [QUOTE]HAAA!!!!  Melissa, You're awesome!  So true, and thanks for the chuckle! By the way, I've run across the "fake wedding" criticisms and I think that's one of the more ridiculous assertions I've ever heard of.  You're exchanging vows with the person you love and celebrating your emotional and spiritual commitment in the presence of the people who will be in your lives throughout your marriage.  There's nothing "fake" about it.  So what if that exchange comes before or after the legally binding paper-signing part? In my case, we found out that my grandparents' health is preventing them from making the trip to the DW, which was devastating news for not only us, but for them.  A couple of days later, we found out that getting my dad ordained to legally perform the ceremony has become an epic pain in the a$$.  To solve the legal issue, and include my grandparents (who have been married for 60 years in June), a few days ago, we took them with us to the JOP and they were our witnesses.  We were so happy and honored to have them present for the legal part, and they were nothing short of thrilled to be included.  While legal, we are not considering our marriage "official"(and no, we're not lying to anyone) until May 16th when we make the emotional and spiritual exchange, uniting our families.   
    Posted by daynalyntroy[/QUOTE]

    Exactly my point! The ceremony is the tie that binds us to one another. Not the piece of paper.

    What a great way to work out your situation! Very clever, classy and meaningful!

    Even at this point without the piece of paper I consider myself married. It's the emotional commitment between two people. The ceremony is simply a celebration of that.

    How evolved we all are don't you think? lol
    Stuff For Sale http://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisbriwedding/
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  • thealphabridethealphabride
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Congrats  danylnd......
    Congrats cw and welcome to the board!

    As I said  few days back....... cyberbullying is alive and well on the knot. They are no different than junior high students with their cruelty. In fact that's an insult to junior high students who are better than they are!!!!

    Just stay here and you'll be ok. I personally, and I'm sure many of the women on this board, simply don't have time for that kind of nonscence. We haved lived in a time when there were no chat boards and I can assure you none of the bullies would speak like that to a total stranger in real life.
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Congrats Dayna!!
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    But but but.....reading the other boards is like watching a train wreck - one can't look away!  You can just look at the title of a post and know that poor poster is gonna get absolutely roasted.

    It is really sad tho - it's like a mutual admiration society.  And you know damn well that many of those girls are just "piling on."  I have a feeling the core group is only a few but the others don't want to be shunned so they join in with the cruelty.
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  • cwcottagecwcottage member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_glad-found-this-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:8a1e955b-0a72-4e40-ba79-6a60b91e6f54Post:72533483-a953-42df-a919-ae5000053481">Re: So glad I found this board!</a>:
    [QUOTE]But but but.....reading the other boards is like watching a train wreck - one can't look away!  You can just look at the title of a post and know that poor poster is gonna get absolutely roasted. It is really sad tho - it's like a mutual admiration society.  And you know damn well that many of those girls are just "piling on."  I have a feeling the core group is only a few but the others don't want to be shunned so they join in with the cruelty.
    Posted by Marrin713[/QUOTE]

    Totally a trainwreak. I often PM the person getting bashed. Often they are never heard from again...

    And that pile on...lol...I'm being a potty mouth here but I call it a cluster f***! It's scary!
    Stuff For Sale http://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisbriwedding/
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  • mma3mma3
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Congrats and welcome! 
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  • gtgirl23gtgirl23 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You guys seem so nice and normal.
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  • NJ JenNJ Jen member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This post is fascinating. OP, you are trying to cast yourself as the innocent victim of cyber-bullying? 
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  • luckyme502luckyme502 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am not young, this is my second marriage.  You attacked the way one of the posters looked!  What did you expect to have happen?  You are the one who can dish it out, but can't take it.  You criticize the way an internet stranger looks, but you are the mature one?  How exactly does that work? 

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  • Erin McCormackErin McCormack
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hi Dayna,

          Congratulations, I'm so happy for you both.  Don't forget the pictures. 

           Welcome cwcottage,  I too was in an abusive relationship over 20 yrs and 4 children later.  I finally got out and two years later met my FI who was then just in the beginning stages of divorce.  He too had to jump through hoops to get the papers signed.  What should have taken only a few months (uncontested supposidly)  took almost a year and the kicker, at every turn either the papers werent sent in or there was one more paper to sign but only realized 3 months later and then to top it off the papers were lost and then miraculously found.  Beyond frustrating.  It was difficult to plan anything and my FI was not going to do anything until all the T's were crossed and the I's were dotted and judge signed.  Any and all obsticles were put out there.  We finally got engaged on Valentines day and our wedding is in Oct.  As everyone else here on the board can attest to.  it's not really about the wedding and the the rules, it's more about celebrating the love that you've found how ever you want.  It's your day and your memories are the ones that count.  No one elses....   If you and your FI like it than go for it.  This is a supportive non judgemental board with quite a bit of wisdom behind us.  

    Good luck and have fun....
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  • lestauderlestauder
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I have to agree with you! I have very supportive friends and family (for now), but no one quite understands how I am feeling.  I am so glad I found this group.  It's nice to know I'm not the only one.  And it helps that everyone is so nice!

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