RSVP No Shows

rcpm44 · September 2010

I know this has come up before but I was wondering if the married ladies could chime in on this one.

We have 84 people RSVP yes. My father and FMIL think that when I give my final head count this week that I should say it for 75ish people.

I totally see their point of view but I'm also afraid that if we do that then there won't be enough food or chairs.

So what are your thoughts? How many people did you have not show up that RSVPed "yes'? Is there a general rule of thumb or percentage of how many people end up not showing up?

lesalyric · September 2010

No help, but I would like to know this too.

I am in a situation where we are at 104 and only have seating for 100 without cutting into the dancefloor. I really don't want to add the extra table, but would feel like a jackass if there is not enough seating at the reception.

lacy1603 · September 2010

I think it depends on the type of people you invited. I invited everyone I work with. About 7 of them RSVP'd yes and didn't come. I had a about 8 more people (mostly Chris's "friends") that no-showed also. That cost me about $1600. I think it is very rude and innconciderate to RSVP yes and then not show up. I understand that things happen or come up and keep someone from coming but most of these people didn't have things come up. They just didn't come. I would give yourself a little breathing room in your count but you just really don't know what people are going to do.

Tiffany618 · September 2010

We had 3 no-shows I think... and one last minute addition. ( I let someone bring a friend since we knew we had a no show and we already paid)

Do you have any question marks in your mind? (i.e. people with a history of not showing up) If so, you might try being sneaky to re-confirm with them.

juliebug1997 · September 2010

I RSVP'd for a little over the number. I didn't want to run out of food and I was worried that a few extra people might be invited (by me or my family) as a last minute thing. Worse case scenario: you have some extra food that you (or someone else) gets to take home with you.

shortgirltx · September 2010

We had 2 that RSVP'd yes and didn't show that I can remember off the top of my head. We had 2 show up that we were told no by MIL.

I don't think there is a hard, fast rule about this either. It's better to have more than not enough.

TexanTreasure08 · September 2010

Man $1,600? I would be so pissed!

NMac2010 · September 2010

Out of 185 invites sent out, we had about 30 RSVP no, about 10 didn't RSPV at all, and that leaves 145. Well, come wedding day, we only had about 120 people there. So, that leaves almost 20-25 people that RSVP'ed yes and didn't show up.

Not sure what happened, don't really care. We had fun with everyone that was there.

So yes, there will be people that RSVP yes that do not show up. I've even done it myself a few times. Things come up.

That being said, everyone who RSVP'ed yes to your wedding may be the exception and ALL show up. So I would tell the venue the number of people who RSVP'ed yes.

fallbride1109 · September 2010

No way would I give a headcount lower than the RSVPs. That could be a disaster.

We had 9 no-shows.

rcpm44 · September 2010

My father told me that of the 84 that said yes there are at least 4, possibly up to 7, he doesn't think will come. They are his family and I don't know them and it's OU/TX weekend. He seems to be convinced that they won't show.

I just don't know. I'd be pissed if I paid for someone who no showed and embarrassed if we didn't have enough food. I think if I had to think about which would I'd rather be, I'd rather be embarrassed about not enough food then paying for people who didn't come. Is that wrong?

fallbride1109 · September 2010

I'd RSVP for no lower than 80--that's just my advice.

mseale · September 2010

Renee, are you doing a buffet, plated dinner and assigned seating, or seat yourself?

Ours was seat yourself and a buffet. I paid for the number of people that RSVP'd, but had 2 extra 8 top tables so that people could find seating together.

We had everyone show up to the ceremony, but I know of three that didn't make it to the reception (due to illness).

NMac2010 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_rsvp-shows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:3f64decf-a5ef-4835-b403-4f7b74292d38Post:f1ff76c3-1ad7-438a-a76c-20ef0e7b7460">Re: RSVP No Shows</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd RSVP for no lower than 80--that's just my advice.
Posted by stephiehall[/QUOTE]

Ditto.

I promise, when the day comes, you will not be pissed about who doesn't show up, nor will you notice or care until AFTER the wedding has come and gone and you sit back and think "wait, so and so never showed up".

You will be consumed with other things on the day of. I hardly noticed half the guests that WERE there. Sad, but true.

SoonToBeMrsHoz · September 2010

It's all relative. We had 228 RSVP yes, and we had setup for/paid for 237 chairs/people at the venue, and ordered food for 220 people from the caterer. I believe somewhere around 235 people show up.

The reason why we ordered food for 220 was because we had about 20 kids who were 15 and under who we knew would not eat as much as adults AND our caterer said she always makes more food than required and we ended up having A LOT of left overs.

I would rather be safe then sorry when it coming have seats available and then in regards to the food, it's dependant on who your caterer is and what they promised you as far quantity.

cfibelkorn · September 2010

I would RSVP 80.

If your Dad says he really thinks 4 aren't coming and then possibly another three....I would count the three that may show

Tiffany618 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_rsvp-shows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:3f64decf-a5ef-4835-b403-4f7b74292d38Post:8dc74f01-250b-45a4-a8ad-522bcf0f7ac2">Re: RSVP No Shows</a>:
[QUOTE] I paid for the number of people that RSVP'd, but had 2 extra 8 top tables so that people could find seating together. Posted by mseale[/QUOTE]

THIS. We did the same thing.

Is there any way your Dad could confirm with those people?

Also, I'm actually still pissed off about the people who RSVP'd yes to our wedding but didn't show up (and offered no reason whatsoever) and I haven't spoken to them since then. They were people very close to us (one was my half sister for crying out loud) and I will never forgive them. Call me childish, I don't care.

lacy1603 · September 2010

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP No Shows : THIS. We did the same thing. Is there any way your Dad could confirm with those people? Also, I'm actually still pissed off about the people who RSVP'd yes to our wedding but didn't show up (and offered no reason whatsoever) and I haven't spoken to them since then. They were people very close to us (one was my half sister for crying out loud) and I will never forgive them. Call me childish, I don't care.
Posted by Tiffany618[/QUOTE]

Amen, sistah...ME TOO! JERKS!

NMac2010 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_rsvp-shows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:3f64decf-a5ef-4835-b403-4f7b74292d38Post:fc1d0102-c8fe-4a6c-a78b-4657065e93c2">Re: RSVP No Shows</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP No Shows : Also, I'm actually still pissed off about the people who RSVP'd yes to our wedding but didn't show up (and offered no reason whatsoever) and I haven't spoken to them since then. They were people very close to us (one was my half sister for crying out loud) and I will never forgive them. Call me childish, I don't care.
Posted by Tiffany618[/QUOTE]

I had a close friend not show, and she told me several days before the wedding she was looking forward to being there.

I found out a week after we got back from the HM the reason she didn't go was because she found out on Friday that she didn't get the job she had interviewved for, and she was feeling down.

Really!?!?! .........Really!?!? That's why you didn't come to my wedding? Come on!!! I have no words.

rcpm44 · September 2010

My dad was the one who confirmed with them, but he doesn't believe they'll show. We will have open seating and heavy hor d'vours. Does that make a difference?

NMac2010 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_rsvp-shows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:3f64decf-a5ef-4835-b403-4f7b74292d38Post:38291b30-d093-4eec-9119-153fa01aa32d">Re: RSVP No Shows</a>:
[QUOTE]My dad was the one who confirmed with them, but he doesn't believe they'll show. We will have open seating and heavy hor d'vours. Does that make a difference?
Posted by rcpm44[/QUOTE]

I still say RSVP for 80 and call it a day.

fallbride1109 · September 2010

But what if they DO show up and you are short 9 seats?

If I showed up to a wedding and there was no seat and no food...well, let's just say I'd be talking about it for awhile.

I say split the baby and say 80.

cfibelkorn · September 2010

Yes that does make a difference because finger foods come to about 5 per person....maybe dont RSVP for those seven and if some show then people can have 3-4 each.....get where Im going with this

shortgirltx · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_rsvp-shows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:3f64decf-a5ef-4835-b403-4f7b74292d38Post:bbdc2e64-8f47-4004-9a03-58c25c5e56e4">Re: RSVP No Shows</a>:
[QUOTE] If I showed up to a wedding and there was no seat and no food...well, let's just say I'd be talking about it for awhile. Posted by stephiehall[/QUOTE]

Ditto. If I took the time to RSVP on time, I would not be a happy camper if I had no seat or food.

Or better yet, give them the full number of RSVP's and if you notice they don't show up, call me!

mseale · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_rsvp-shows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:3f64decf-a5ef-4835-b403-4f7b74292d38Post:5ad452dc-7178-47cf-aa44-a7717ca4bc7f">Re: RSVP No Shows</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes that does make a difference because finger foods come to about 5 per person....maybe dont RSVP for those seven and if some show then people can have 3-4 each.....get where Im going with this :)
Posted by cfibelkorn[/QUOTE]

Yup, that is what I was thinking. Plus for buffets/appetizers, the caterer will usually bring more than just the 80 that you purchased. If it is a plated meal, I don't know what they do, but I'd imagine it is not over.

IF you are doing open seating, if you tell the caterer to feed 80 people, can you still have seats for 90 at the same price (with maybe an extra linen or centerpiece)?

cfibelkorn · September 2010

I know our venue does 3% extra food and we are doing plated, so I would assume with hors d'ouervous (sp?) they bring at least 3-5% extra

rcpm44 · September 2010

Ladies, thank you for the help. I'll probably "split the baby" and say 80. I needed to hear some opinions from people whose wallets weren't calling the shots! Thanks!

MissesKB · September 2010

I would do 75 people. I just went through this situation. We had 164 confirmed guests. We just KNEW these people were coming. We told the venue 150. We ended up with about 135 at the reception. Even though the ceremony and reception were at the same venue, some people left after the ceremony. The venue coordinator says it happens all the time. Whatever number you give the venue, I think they prepare 10% more in case extra people show up. At the end of the night the staff eats whatever is left.

In my case I wish someone had told me to go even lower. I could have put that money towards the bar.

Oh, some of the reasons I received after the wedding were, illnesses, tired, had to run out of town unexpectedly, blah blah blah.

So life does happen and while people have all intentions on coming, they may not. Save a few bucks and go with the lower number.

JennaV26 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_rsvp-shows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:3f64decf-a5ef-4835-b403-4f7b74292d38Post:fc1d0102-c8fe-4a6c-a78b-4657065e93c2">Re: RSVP No Shows</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP No Shows : Also, I'm actually still pissed off about the people who RSVP'd yes to our wedding but didn't show up (and offered no reason whatsoever) and I haven't spoken to them since then. They were people very close to us (one was my half sister for crying out loud) and I will never forgive them. Call me childish, I don't care.
Posted by Tiffany618[/QUOTE]

Same here. We had about 10 people RSVP who didn't show up. Two of them called us the day before with an excuse and to apologize. I definitely didn't notice until after the wedding when I was like "Wait. So and so wasn't there.." and I haven't spoken to any of them since.

It makes me want to send them a bill for their portion of the food and open bar... but of course I can't do that. But I want to!!

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