about 50 first cousins, who to invite, who to not invite? I NEED HELP!!!

AdrianaSweetheart · March 2010

my fiance has about 50 first cousins. his mom is one of 6, his dad is one of 8, and they each have about 3.5 kids, who each have kids.
my parents are paying and it doesnt seem fair that 75% of the guests are his family. everyone we are inviting is famiy and we have no room for friends bc family members take up all the space.
he has some cousins that are close, and some that only see him like maybe 2 times a year. but theyre still his parent's nieces, nephews.
im dying for him to cut the cousins he doesnt have contact with, but it wouldnt be fair in the sense that some of his aunts and uncles might be offended that "why does her kids get to go and mine dont" plus his parents already voiced their opinion about, if one gets invited, then they all get invited.
what do you recommend. i need help!!!
please take into consideration when latinos talk about families they mean extended family also. latin families are very big and aunts, uncles and cousins are all cosidered family.

kkchisholm · March 2010

Have your parents pay for what they are comfortable with, and you and your fi cover the rest.

Get a bigger venue to fit your friends.

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_50-first-cousins-invite-not-invite-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:03188a21-15c8-4eff-8589-12cd887c8a41Post:9083a417-8fdf-4f51-9e0d-e6d4a7b11865">about 50 first cousins, who to invite, who to not invite? I NEED HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]my fiance has about 50 first cousins. his mom is one of 6, his dad is one of 8, and they each have about 3.5 kids, who each have kids. my parents are paying and it doesnt seem fair that 75% of the guests are his family. everyone we are inviting is famiy and we have no room for friends bc family members take up all the space. he has some cousins that are close, and some that only see him like maybe 2 times a year. but theyre still his parent's nieces, nephews. im dying for him to cut the cousins he doesnt have contact with, but it wouldnt be fair in the sense that some of his aunts and uncles might be offended that "why does her kids get to go and mine dont" plus his parents already voiced their opinion about, if one gets invited, then they all get invited. what do you recommend. i need help!!! please take into consideration when latinos talk about families they mean extended family also. latin families are very big and aunts, uncles and cousins are all cosidered family.
Posted by AdrianaSweetheart[/QUOTE]

And are these the same people to whom you want to send "rules to participate in our wedding"?

aMrsin09 · March 2010

I would suggest you and your FI sit down and make the guest list of who YOU want there, say down to the Aunt/Uncle level. Then add in the friends YOU want there. Then see how many spots are left. At that point, let each set of parents know how many people they get to add.

jerseylaw21 · March 2010

This is the rule we followed. If we haven't seen you in the last 6 months you didn't get invited. This made room for close friends that we wanted there but wouldn't have had if we had to invite every single family member on both sides.

BecW2be · March 2010

Set up an event rule that they can't come in if they didn't see you or FI in the past 6 months. A line on the invitation should be classy enough.

OR, pay for things yourself and realize that families are not even in most cases. We paid for everything, and I had about 30 people to his 70 people at the wedding. If your parents aren't comfortable with paying for those extra cousins, and you don't want to pay for them either, cut the list or find a man with a smaller family to marry into. HTH!

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2010

Actually, Bec, I would poll the cousins. Those who wear miniskirts and plunging necklines are automatically excluded. That should help make the decision easier, no?

BecW2be · March 2010

Anyone caught wearing jeans will be executed. That should handle it, B!

AdrianaSweetheart · March 2010

thanks pink

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

Yikes. I haven't even seen my parents in the past 6 months. (That's kind of a stretch, I saw them at Christmas, but still, I only see them once or twice a year.)

Anyway, my dad also has a ridiculous number of cousins, making weddings huge. I would say to definitely invite your FI's aunts and uncles. Personally, I'd only invite cousins if you have room for all of them. So do it in "tiers." Immediate family, close friends, aunts and uncles. He might end up with more people anyway (my FI has almost twice the people on the guest list as me, because I have less than a dozen family members I'm inviting), but that's because all families are different.

genahubbard · March 2010

Here's the rule we used:
If you aren't close enough to call & wish them a happy birthday, why would they want to come & wish you a happy marriage?

So...people that we are CLOSE to got first priority. I invited the cousins I'm closest too & didn't invite the ones I rarely see or know much about. The wedding should be about who will celebrate & support you in your marriage, not who you are obligated to.

lmw4253 · March 2010

My FIs mother is one of 11 and his father is one of 5, so aunts, uncles and cousins are plentiful. HOwever, a lot of them are not involved in our lives, some never even met me or have talked to FI in years, even the aunts and uncles. So we just invited people that were part of our lives and that we wanted there. I even cut 2 of his mothers siblings (checked with her first and she was fine with it). Who they were did not really matter, if you dont bother with us, they you dont get invited.

about 50 first cousins, who to invite, who to not invite? I NEED HELP!!!

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