My Mom vs. The Dress

tonyscutieest09 · May 2010

I was showing my mom some pictures of me in dresses that my MOH and I had looked at and her reaction was not what I was hoping for. Apparantly she doesn't think it's appropriate if I wear something fancy again. My tastes have changed since the first time down, but I'm still young (22) and think I should be able to wear what I want. Her exact words were "I thought you'd get something from Jc Penny". I'm not going for the sparkly ball gown with cathedreal train again but I was rather upset that she thinks I need to dress "plain". I am leaning more towards a lace sheath or maybe even a sexy fit and flare.

Do you think she is out of line or am I? I will be footing the bill this time so ultimetely the choice is mine but I don't want it to cause a fight with her.

MikesAngie · May 2010

As the knotties on this board will tell you the style of your dress should be what you want. It's your day and you should feel confident and beautiful.

robinmichael · May 2010

Yep that's the general consensus. The "rules" that people used to whisper of second time brides are bs, especially when most of us are footing the bill. If it makes you feel any better this is my third marriage. He is the man of my dreams and we were meant to be. My mother also has told me to wear a friggin pantsuit, wear anything but white, no train, no veil, the list goes on. I know she isn't trying to be hurtful but it is. Who is she to say that our wedding shouldn't be any more of a celebration than any other?! It was a hard road to find my FI and we are celebrating in a big way, with those who matter most. If she wasn't my Mom and ultimately at the end of the day she loves me, she wouldn't be invited. Naysayers need not RSVP!!

thealphabride · May 2010

To answer your question you are not out of line, but maybe your mom isn't really out of line, but just uneducated about second weddings. If you are footing the bill for the wedding then all the choices are yours. Your mom may feel uncomfortable because she doesn't realize that since the divorce rate is 50%, a huge percentage of those folks get remarried.
Yes it's your second wedding, but your first marriage with HIM. and since y are getting married I suspect he is the love of your life. Enjoy, this is likele not the first side eye you will get, because you are very young and your divorce couldn't have been very long ago.

melissamc2 · May 2010

Your Mother needs to get over herself and any preconceived notions about what a second wedding "should" be.

It should be just what it is - a wedding that is what you and your fiance want.

This'll be my third. In a full wedding gown - in white, with a train. Scandalous, I know.

tonyscutieest09 · May 2010

Thanks everyone. I also wanted to clarify myself, I wasn't trying to say Plain is a bad thing but it's just not my style.

My FI is the man of my dreams and I am so happy to have found someone who loves me for who I am and the roads I've traveled, both good and bad. I do realzie my mom will not be the only one to have her doubts because I am young but I have also learned from my mistakes and learned alot of things the hard way.

AdelphiTN · May 2010

I think you should buy what you want and tell her you *DID* buy it at jcpenney. lol.

arv266 · May 2010

I agree with all the other PP. You are a bride and have every right to look exactly like one!!!

right1thistime · May 2010

Since you are paying, the answer to any and all questions that start with, "you are not (doing x,y,z) are you?" is a quizzical, "actually, that's what we are considering doing. Thank you for your input, we'll be making our decisions soon." Followed by the icy stare of death. And if they persist to talking about appropriateness, just continue the stare, and follow it with, "we are choosing to celebrate the joy of this marriage, not mourn the previous mistakes. Our wedding will reflect that." ~Donna

Marrin713 · May 2010

You pay = you say, but just tell mom gently what you have written here. She's just likely thinking of what she percieves others will be whispering about. And it's really all alot of misinformation or really old etiquette stuff - 2nd/3rd brides should just hide out at a JOP and forget about all the extras like reception, white dress etc or they should just elope.

Luckily my mom is pretty onboard with our plans. They are not extravagant but we are not extravagant people. And if you happened to wander into our celebration, I doubt you'd pick me out as the bride

But that's MY choice. I think its wonderful the plans you women all have - your beautiful dresses, reception/ceremony ideas.

robinmichael · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_mom-vs-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:048220de-06d8-45d4-a773-d19f1475a2d0Post:68558538-bef9-4d7c-b1eb-11ab1f91c6f7">Re: My Mom vs. The Dress</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks everyone. I also wanted to clarify myself, I wasn't trying to say Plain is a bad thing but it's just not my style. My FI is the man of my dreams and I am so happy to have found someone who loves me for who I am and the roads I've traveled, both good and bad. I do realzie my mom will not be the only one to have her doubts because I am young but I have also learned from my mistakes and learned alot of things the hard way.
Posted by tonyscutieest09[/QUOTE] AWWWW love it. Strut your stuff and be glowing in your dress!

luckyme502 · May 2010

When my mom starts on me like that, I just say, "Mom, this is what I have decided, it is not open to discussion." Works every time.

summerlilly2008 · May 2010

This will be my 3rd and his 2nd. My mom was the same way. She asked why we weren't eloping. I had to tell her that we didn't want to elope we wanted to share our happiness with our friends and family. Now that I have done some planning and things are slowly coming together I think she is getting a little more excited (or I could be way wrong!)

Wear what you want! Celebrate the way you want!

KRN726 · May 2010

This is my 3rd marriage and my FI's 2nd and my Mom told me the same thing: WEAR A PANTSUIT! in any color BUT white, and prefereably gray or tan. And she also suggested JCP or, if I really had to, maybe something a little nicer from Macys! I know she is worried about what SHE thinks people are going to say (her side of the family) but I finally just had to ignore her and pretend I never heard those comments.

I reminded myself of all of the other advice that she spouts off without knowing what she's talking about that I also ignore - like how nobody wants to work anymore so I'd better be careful at my job (what?) and how doctor's never take care of anybody so there's no sense going to them (huh?) and so on. It helped. :-)

BTW - I picked an actual wedding dress: http://www.casablancabridal.com/collections/view/27/353 and our wedding theme is traditional elegance with a cocktail reception, long black chiffon bridesmaids dresses, elegant table linens and tall branch centerpeices with hanging crystals and candles, and a formal sit down dinner. We'll have a DJ after dinner and dance the night away...because that's what WE want.

Best of luck!

Knittibell · July 2010

My mom thinks I should wear a PANTSUIT. Yeah. I feel your pain!! Wear what you want!!

FutureMrsP23 · July 2010

I agree with everyone else, it's YOUR day, wear what YOU want, especially if you're paying for it. And just realize, it could be worse than the JCP suggestion. My mother suggested I just wear something nice that I already own or "How about jeans?" This is going to be my second marriage and my FI's third. She doesn't understand why we aren't getting married at the courthouse....

My Mom vs. The Dress

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