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Moms and Maids

daughter as MOH

I got engaged last summer & we are on track for our July wedding. I asked my daughter to be MOH. However, for the last year she has been in tons of trouble. 3 suspensions from school this year, drug & alcohol use, & stealing. We went through counseling together and she hasnt really changed any of her ways. By the way, shes 15. We fight constantly. Shes not shy saying she doesnt want to be around me, has no respect for me. Its been a hard year. Can I take the MOH away from her? Its mostly about the dress & hair to her, not the true meaning of what a MOH really does. I thought asking her would help our relationship, but I don't think so. Is it going to make it worse if I tell her no?

Re: daughter as MOH

  • In Response to daughter as MOH:
    [QUOTE]I got engaged last summer & we are on track for our July wedding. I asked my daughter to be MOH. However, for the last year she has been in tons of trouble. 3 suspensions from school this year, drug & alcohol use, & stealing. We went through counseling together and she hasnt really changed any of her ways. By the way, shes 15. We fight constantly. Shes not shy saying she doesnt want to be around me, has no respect for me. Its been a hard year. Can I take the MOH away from her? Its mostly about the dress & hair to her, not the true meaning of what a MOH really does. I thought asking her would help our relationship, but I don't think so. Is it going to make it worse if I tell her no?
    Posted by KarrieLee[/QUOTE]

    Seriously? All any bridesmaid (or MOH) is required to do is wear the dress, walk down the aisle, and stand. Also, it's really terrible to kick anyone out of the wedding party, especially family.
    You have way bigger problems than whether or not she should be in the wedding, anyway. It sounds like she needs some serious tough love. I'm thinking rehab. If she goes willingly, great. If not, call the cops on her the next time she steals or uses drugs/alcohol or arrange for an inpatient program. You're her mother and she's a minor, so you can put her in one without her consent.
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  • At this point, the wedding and the MOH situation would not be my biggest concern. I would work on mending your relationship, and continuing to get help for your daughter. And kicking her out will only bring more resentment.
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  • You're seriously considering stripping the MOH title away from your daughter as a form of punishment?
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  • def do not kick her out. I am going thru almost the same thing, except mine is almost 17 and my FI daughter.  we have 3 other daughters that deserve the title more .our 4 daughter are our wedding party ,  we just keep working with her, I know it is hard!!!!!
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  • I agree with PPs.  In addition - don't expect that by having a wedding and making her MOH any of her behavior will change.  Weddings don't repair relationships or change personalities.
  •  To be honest I wouldnt let her be your MOH. That sounds terrible but its true. You have a lot of stress and planning to do without her acting out. A firm decision like that should make her realize that she has to earn that role and not have it handed to her. This is your big day and you need someone beside you that you will know is going to smile and be happy to stand at you side. Not a child who doesnt want to be near you. Im sorry if that sounds harsh but that is the only way she will learn.
  • In Response to Re: daughter as MOH:
    [QUOTE] To be honest I wouldnt let her be your MOH. That sounds terrible but its true. You have a lot of stress and planning to do without her acting out. A firm decision like that should make her realize that she has to earn that role and not have it handed to her. This is your big day and you need someone beside you that you will know is going to smile and be happy to stand at you side. Not a child who doesnt want to be near you. Im sorry if that sounds harsh but that is the only way she will learn.
    Posted by hikster[/QUOTE]

    Horrible advice. The title of MOH is not earned. It should be given to your closest friend or loved one. She is indeed acting out, but demoting her and removing the title of MOH from her is not going to help. OP's daughter needs counseling and love from her parents. 
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited February 2012
    In Response to Re: daughter as MOH:
    [QUOTE] To be honest I wouldnt let her be your MOH. That sounds terrible but its true. You have a lot of stress and planning to do without her acting out. A firm decision like that should make her realize that she has to earn that role and not have it handed to her. This is your big day and you need someone beside you that you will know is going to smile and be happy to stand at you side. Not a child who doesnt want to be near you. Im sorry if that sounds harsh but that is the only way she will learn.
    Posted by hikster[/QUOTE]
    How does one earn the role of MOH?  Will there be a competition?  There could be a scoreboard and a lot of different events.  Ribbon tying, paper cutting, invitation assembling, toast giving.  The possibilities are endless!
    At the end of the competition, whoever gets last should probably be cut from your life.  Getting last place obviously means they don't love you and they suck as a friend.
  • Nothing days "Mommy loves you" more than Mommy kicking you out of her bridal party.
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  • She is your CHILD-- way to make things even worse. Is this even a question..?!

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  • As the  mother of a teenager, I can only imagine that kicking her out will just create further damage.  Be a mom to her, then a bride. 
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