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Monster-In-Law from Heck and Honeymoon blues

xcloudlovexxcloudlovex
in Honeymoon Discussions
 My husband-to-be and I decided to split the wedding traditionally. My family would pay for the wedding (a whopping $13000) and his parents, who are divorced, would pick up the tab for our honeymoon. We plan on going to Greece and his father, who is actually the only one who is paying for the honeymoon is fine with it. Now his mother, who hates my guts and isn't paying for the wedding is pitching a fit about our honeymoon destination. She is claiming the groom does not have to pay for the honeymoon and that we are being ridiculous in wanting to go out of the country. I feel like saying, "if this is how it is going to be I'll take your half of the wedding, $6500, and we can go half and half from here on out?"
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Re: Monster-In-Law from Heck and Honeymoon blues

  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_monster-in-law-from-heck-and-honeymoon-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:b31b1b85-0d80-4840-93fb-6511e7b13e68Post:3e12eb0c-5b01-4434-8a42-d4db7091242e">Monster-In-Law from Heck and Honeymoon blues</a>:
    [QUOTE]  My husband-to-be and I decided to split the wedding traditionally. My family would pay for the wedding (a whopping $13000) and his parents, who are divorced, would pick up the tab for our honeymoon. We plan on going to Greece and his father, who is actually the only one who is paying for the honeymoon is fine with it. Now his mother, who hates my guts and isn't paying for the wedding is pitching a fit about our honeymoon destination. She is claiming the groom does not have to pay for the honeymoon and that we are being ridiculous in wanting to go out of the country. I feel like saying, "if this is how it is going to be I'll take your half of the wedding, $6500, and we can go half and half from here on out?"
    Posted by xcloudlovex[/QUOTE]

    Wow. where to begin?

    You do know that most people pay for their own weddings right? And that 13k is a lot of money and nothing to scoff at. And that FMIL is not required to give you one red cent for your HM. You are an adult pay for your own wedding and vacation
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  • hoffsehoffse member
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    ^^ Ditto this, and I come from a circle where the couples' families typically pay.  We didn't ask ours to, and if they hadn't offered we would have paid for it ourselves.  In fact, FI's parents backed out of our honeymoon so we are paying for it ourselves.  Really not a problem.
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_monster-in-law-from-heck-and-honeymoon-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:b31b1b85-0d80-4840-93fb-6511e7b13e68Post:17aa9b91-691e-4cab-b952-096b026cf5a9">Re: Monster-In-Law from Heck and Honeymoon blues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Monster-In-Law from Heck and Honeymoon blues : Wow. where to begin? You do know that most people pay for their own weddings right? And that 13k is a lot of money and nothing to scoff at. And that FMIL is not required to give you one red cent for your HM. You are an adult pay for your own wedding and vacation
    Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]

    THIS. If someone offers to pay for things for you, then fantastic! Otherwise, you should be footing the bill for everything and not expecting any money from anyone. If your FFIL is paying for the HM because he offered and the FMIL is not married to him and you aren't asking anything of her, then she really has no right to say anything. But, if you are asking for her to pay and she won't, then you need to get over it. Also, if you don't want family making comments on your plans, then don't accept their money. They have a  right to comment on where their money is being spent.

     







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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
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    I would add that your FMIL might "hate your guts" because she feels like your are acting like an entitled child. I think an apology would go a long way in repairing your relationship with her. She is going to be around (god willing) a very long time.

    Also, how did you "decide" to split your wedding the traditional way? Did your parents offer to pay or did you ask?
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    You should be infinitely grateful that your families are helping at all, and by complaining that they aren't paying enough, you sound incredibly selfish and spoiled.  If your MIL isn't comfortable with your HM plans, or doesn't want to contribute, that is her right and you and your FI can make up the difference.

    For the record, my H and I paid for our entire wedding (also around $13K) and HM (no where near as extravagent as Greece) ourselves, so it's offensive to see someone who is blessed to have family able and willing to contribute at all throw it in their faces like you are doing.

    Please take what people here are telling you, apologize to your FMIL for demanding anything of her, and thank everyone who is helping.  Perhaps if you act as grateful as you should be, you might find your FMIL doesn't "hate your guts" as much as you thought.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_monster-in-law-from-heck-and-honeymoon-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:b31b1b85-0d80-4840-93fb-6511e7b13e68Post:17aa9b91-691e-4cab-b952-096b026cf5a9">Re: Monster-In-Law from Heck and Honeymoon blues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Monster-In-Law from Heck and Honeymoon blues : Wow. where to begin? You do know that most people pay for their own weddings right? And that 13k is a lot of money and nothing to scoff at. And that FMIL is not required to give you one red cent for your HM. You are an adult pay for your own wedding and vacation
    Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]

    Agreed!  OP, you sound incredibly selfish.  You should be thrilled and grateful by what is being given to you instead of being pissed about what is not.

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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'm still trying to wrap my head around "a whopping $13K". To some (okay, many!) people on this board, $13K is LIFE CHANGING. There are so many girls on this board that can't even afford to take a HM or can't afford to have a traditional wedding because they are restricted financially. Many of us paid for our own weddings, whether they were $3K or $30K. Some people worked second jobs to have their dream weddings. If you don't like what was offered, then don't take it and do it yourself. As I said above, if you are taking assistance, you need to take the comments that go along with it.  

     







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  • kaos16kaos16 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment

    Me and DH husband paid for our own wedding and made our own decisions as to what we wanted and didn't want.  Then we paid for our own honeymoon and went where we wanted and did what we wanted.  That's the thing with being a grown adult and paying your own way, you get to make your choices. . . . all money comes with strings attached, it's just the way it works.  If you want to go to Greece, pay for Greece yourselves and enjoy it.  Nobody is forcing you to take the very generous contributions your family is putting forth.

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  • dazyabbeydazyabbey
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    Yeah... I don't even know where to begin. Except to agree with what all the other ladies have already said.
    Grow up. My Husband and I paid for our entire honeymoon and wedding. Own pocket, own money, own work. Get over yourself.

    image
    06.09.2012

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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    In addition to PPs, I'd like to add that even "traditionally", it was typically the groom himself who paid for the honeymoon, not his parents.  And either way, groom's parents or groom, the honeymoon was not usually a 10 day trip to an exotic country (not that there's anything wrong with an exotic or expensive honeymoon, but my point is that "traditionally" parents didn't flit the bill for one).

    My dad is paying for most of the wedding (which we are ETERNALLY grateful for!), but there's no way we would have ever thought for him to pay for our honeymoon.  The wedding is a gift to us, a way to celebrate his daughter's marriage.  But the honeymoon is our own thing... we are adults and pay for our own vacation.

    If you ever made your FMIL feel like she should pay for the wedding or honeymoon, APOLOGIZE, and try to make this relationship with her the best you can.  She's going to be in your life for a long time.  I'm sorry if she's being a b**** to you (which, I'm not sure she is), but try to be the best daughter in law you can.

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  • alithebridealithebride member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    i call MUD. no one can be that stupid.....

     

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_monster-in-law-from-heck-and-honeymoon-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:b31b1b85-0d80-4840-93fb-6511e7b13e68Post:6b8ce96a-ac2a-47ed-b676-b37a3f742b99">Re: Monster-In-Law from Heck and Honeymoon blues</a>:
    [QUOTE]i call MUD. no one can be that stupid.....
    Posted by alithebride[/QUOTE]

    yep






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • jessi3617jessi3617 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    I find this absolutely funny. I mean really you sound like a very selfish person. No wonder your mil hates ur guts!!! If of all like most of the ladies on here have said they paid for their own. Fl n I are 24 we are paying for our own wedding and hn.. in fact our families have offered and we won't take their money. We are very grateful to know if we do need help there is help. But we want to do ourselves. You should really get over yourself and be grateful someone is trying to help you.
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  • Vintagelove4Vintagelove4 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_monster-in-law-from-heck-and-honeymoon-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:b31b1b85-0d80-4840-93fb-6511e7b13e68Post:033281c2-59ca-4f52-b41f-bf5274b856a2">Re: Monster-In-Law from Heck and Honeymoon blues</a>:
    [QUOTE]I come from a circle where the couples' families typically pay.  We didn't ask ours to, and if they hadn't offered we would have paid for it ourselves.  In fact, FI's parents backed out of our honeymoon so we are paying for it ourselves.  Really not a problem.
    Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]

    This is what we did. You can't demand people pay for your wedding day. Maybe you should stop by the <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette">Etiquette</a> board. They might give you a better perspective.
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  • MsYeckMsYeck member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    If you really want to go "traditional" the only thing the grooms family pays for is the rehearsal dinner which could be as simple as a backyard BBQ or pizza. Time to suck it up and be and be an adult and pay your own way.
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  • kfahrentholdkfahrenthold member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I think everyone on here is being extremely judgemental. Obviously she comes from a family where everyone is wealthy enough to contribute to the wedding. If the families have decided on how to split the costs of the wedding, then that is their business.

    No, I don't think that her response is completely rational, but no one on here has been remotely helpful to her very real situation.

    Here are my thoughts: How much your family is willing to contribute does not have to be equal to what your fiance's family contributes. If your MIL doesn't want to pay for anything then she doesnt have to. That needs to be discussed between your fiance and his mother.

    If your FIL does want to contribute, then you need to have a real sit down with you, your fiance, and your future FIL to discuss budget. If he is offering you a honeymoon, or part of a honeymoon as a gift, you should know the terms of that gift. Then you can decide if Greece is still the right option for you.

    What I don't understand, is why the mother has any say at all. If she isn't paying, then its none of her business. I say ignore her and do whatever it is you, your fiance, and your future FIL are comfortable with.

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