Chit Chat

Advice?

My little brother passed away on July 8th, 2012. He was 16, I am 19 and we had the best brother-sister relationship ever!! Its been 3 weeks, to the day, that he has passed away. I am angry and I am sad at times, and then there are times that I smile and I laugh. Well, my Great Aunt in PA, who was extremely rude to me during the funeral and such, calls a grief counselor, without my knowledge, giving out my family's information, my important information and I just about lost it. During this time, especially with it being so soon, I wanted to barracade myself around my family, and just that. She knew that. But she decided to call every grief counselor in my town. How do I go about telling her I don't want this? I've tried to be polite about the situation, yet she yelled at me and told me how rude I was, and how ungrateful I was being. I quit. 
He stole my heart, so I'm stealing his last name.

Re: Advice?

  • First, I am so sorry for your loss :( I can't imagine what you must be going through.

    As for your great aunt, talk about boundary issues! I'd tell her that you will take care of finding someone IF you choose to go to grief counselling. (I've heard it can be helpful, FWIW. Though after that I might not go out of spite. At least, not to one that she called). After that, cut her off. Someone who's rude to the family at a funeral, not to mention giving out personal information, deserves no less.

    I'm curious, how did you find out? Were the counsellors calling you? If so, don't go to those ones. You are over 18, you have the right to make those decisions for yourself, and it strikes me as highly unethical for them to telemarket themselves to you.

    So so sorry for your loss :(
  • I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry she isn't respectful of personal grief! However you decide to move forward and face this loss, I wish you peace and healing
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  • My mom insisted we get a grief counselor, even though my 3 siblings and I were comforting each other. My mom sent the grief counselor over even though she knew we objected and my brother slammed the door in her face. Poor, unsuspecting woman.

    I totally understand your point about surrounding yourself with family at this time. Maybe seeing a counselor another time would be helpful, but at a time like this, who wants to talk to a stranger about it? It sounds like your aunt thinks she's being helpful. Is she normally a very pushy person? I think Lucy's advice on how to deal with her is great.
  • miranda1211miranda1211 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2012
    I'm so sorry for your loss.  It sounds like you had a really special relationship with your brother.

    I think you can tell your great-aunt that you're not ready to talk with someone like that right now.  In the future, you might decide that you want to, or you might not, but right now you just want to do what you have been doing.

    If counselors are seeking you out, I think the same applies.  Just tell them you're not ready, or not interested.  If you do that, I think that they would leave you alone until you reach out to them.  If they continue to contact you, that's a big red flag for the kind of counselor you don't want to see.

    Again, I'm really sorry about your situation.
  • cofkelcofkel member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    Britt, I absolutely know what you are going through. I lost my little brother in 2011 to a very tragic death. I know right now you want to lean on each other and be strong. And I agree your aunt butted in, but to be honest it was clearly not malicious. She was trying to get you help. I dont know the circumstances behind your brothers death but if it was something unexpected (my brother completed suicide so it was totally unexpected) people around you just don't know how to react. I had the strangest interactions with people in the months following my brothers death. They want to help and are at a loss on how to.. Be strong but also know there is nothing wrong with a grief counselor. I wanted to just handle it all myself at first but you can't forever. Know that life does get better and eventually the pain won't be so bad. If you need to talk to someone who understands please feel free to PM me.
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