Advice?

brandichamberlain · July 2012

Can I ask some advice on this from you guys? My Grandmother on my Moms side is on life support. I have not seen her in roughly ten years. They found that she has a DNR after they put her on life support so now my family has to sign to turn it off. She is in PA so I would need to fly back. If I did it would probably have to be Monday and then I'd have to fly back Wednesday and we are leaving to go OOT for the wedding Thursday. I'm not sure I can afford a ticket right now, so it would have to go on a CC. I got emotional when my Mom
Broke down but otherwise I don't have any huge emotions tied to this.

Do I put the flight on my CC and fly to PA the week of the wedding for this?

Blueyed228 · July 2012

I would probably go if it seemed like my mom would need the support. You may not be close to your GM, but if you are close with your mom, and she seems like she will need you, then I would consider it.

But I wouldnt go into debt over it.

brandichamberlain · July 2012

In Response to Re:Advice?:[QUOTE]I would probably go if it seemed like my mom would need the support.nbsp;nbsp; You may not be close to your GM, but if you are close with your mom, and she seems like she will need you, then I would consider it.But I wouldnt go into debt over it. Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

I am not really close to my Mom either. She seemed to be OK for most of it, but it makes me feel guilty that there will
Be very few people who will be at the services. She had some mental health issues and disowned pretty much everyone.

VeggieLove1022 · July 2012

I'm sorry about your grandma, Brandi. With all that's going on at the moment I wouldn't go if it were me.

brandichamberlain · July 2012

FI says that going is up to me. He wouldn't say no because I could later regret that and perhaps resent him. I understand where he is coming from because I think that's what I would say for him too.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · July 2012

I wouldn't go. You aren't close with your grandmother OR your mother and you have a lot of other stuff going on right now. Don't feel bad. This isn't your fault.

Girlie1030 · July 2012

I'm with Boobs and Veggie on this one. In a perfect world money, time and work wouldn't be an issue when stuff like this happens, but it's just not the case.

I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_advice-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2ed43e12-3ecb-4a87-b6f8-c4ef2baa9506Post:dbf48d83-5941-4940-b4e0-d6c10eb5264a">Advice?</a>:
[QUOTE]Can I ask some advice on this from you guys? My Grandmother on my Moms side is on life support. I have not seen her in roughly ten years. They found that she has a DNR after they put her on life support so now my family has to sign to turn it off. She is in PA so I would need to fly back. If I did it would probably have to be Monday and then I'd have to fly back Wednesday and we are leaving to go OOT for the wedding Thursday. I'm not sure I can afford a ticket right now, so it would have to go on a CC. I got emotional when my Mom Broke down but otherwise I don't have any huge emotions tied to this. Do I put the flight on my CC and fly to PA the week of the wedding for this?
Posted by brandichamberlain[/QUOTE]

Contact the airline. For close family funerals, they used to issue "hardship" airfares, cheaper. Usually just have to contact the funeral home for confirmation.

LesPaul · July 2012

I'm sorry this is happening, Brandi. I probably wouldn't go, especially if I didn't have the cash available. You have a lot going on, and you weren't close to GM or Mom. Send your condolences and leave it at that.

ETA: Bereavement airfares may be cheaper than same-day regular tickets, but they can still be very expensive since you're flying on short notice.

brandichamberlain · July 2012

Thanks guys. I promised I would look into the tickets. But I still don't think it's going to be feasible. I like Rach's idea of flowers.

VeggieLove1022 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_advice-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2ed43e12-3ecb-4a87-b6f8-c4ef2baa9506Post:5df9824d-69eb-4227-8d01-ab70d4d0b2b1">Re: Advice?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Advice? : Contact the airline. For close family funerals, they used to issue "hardship" airfares, cheaper. Usually just have to contact the funeral home for confirmation.
Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

<div>It wouldn't even be all about the money to me. She's 11 days away from her wedding and I know about a week beforehand I was going crazy trying to finish things up and double check with vendors. You won't get there until tomorrow at best? Then wait for the funeral which could be a few more days down the road. So you'd be getting back just in time for your wedding and I can't even imagine how stressed I would be. And all while dealing with my mom who I don't have a good relationship with? Heck no. </div>

brandichamberlain · July 2012

In Response to Re:Advice?:In Response to Re: Advice?:In Response to Advice? : Contact the airline.nbsp; For close family funerals, they used to issue "hardship" airfares, cheaper.nbsp; Usually just have to contact the funeral home for confirmation.Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBrideIt wouldn't even be all about the money to me. She's 11 days away from her wedding and I know about a week beforehand I was going crazy trying to finish things up and double check with vendors. You won't get there until tomorrow at best? Then wait for the funeral which could be a few more days down the road. So you'd be getting back just in time for your wedding and I can't even imagine how stressed I would be. And all while dealing with my mom who I don't have a good relationship with? Heck no.nbsp; Posted by VeggieLove1022 I would fly out Moday and get back Wednesday. We leave for the OOT wedding Thirsday. ETA: Thursday. I swear I know how to spell that.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · July 2012

Honestly if the relationships were closer then for me, the money wouldn't even be an issue. I would gladly go into debt if this were happening to one of my grandparents in California. BUT, I am much closer to them.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

If you aren't close to your mom or grandma, then I wouldn't go. Like AATB, I would go into debt in a heartbeat to see my grandparents, as we did with H's grandpa earlier this year, but we are close to them. Another member of the family we hadn't seen in years? Not a chance.

Would you go if your wedding wasn't right around the corner? If yes, then i'd probably say go. Your FI can step up for a few days and get done what needs to be done. If not, then don't worry about it.

brandichamberlain · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_advice-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2ed43e12-3ecb-4a87-b6f8-c4ef2baa9506Post:8e79bb84-92cf-455a-99ab-3b55ace82780">Re: Advice?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you aren't close to your mom or grandma, then I wouldn't go. Like AATB, I would go into debt in a heartbeat to see my grandparents, as we did with H's grandpa earlier this year, but we are close to them. Another member of the family we hadn't seen in years? Not a chance. <strong>Would you go if your wedding wasn't right around the corner? If yes, then i'd probably say go. Your FI can step up for a few days and get done what needs to be done. If not, then don't worry about it.
</strong>Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

To the bolded- I probably would.

VeggieLove1022 · July 2012

Then that's a tough call. Do you think you'll regret not going?

brandichamberlain · July 2012

I called and the flight, even with bereavement, is almost $600.00 and that is to fly to the airport in Philly instead of Allentown. The Allentown flight is over $1,000.00. I guess I have my answer for sure.

VeggieLove1022 · July 2012

I'm sorry, Brandi.

brandichamberlain · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_advice-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2ed43e12-3ecb-4a87-b6f8-c4ef2baa9506Post:85e8ac0b-7da9-48ce-a37f-33c7917e02e8">Re: Advice?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, Brandi.
Posted by VeggieLove1022[/QUOTE]

Thanks. I will be OK.

azdancer8 · July 2012

I'm sorry you're going through this Brandi. My dad's father passed away shortly before our wedding. The funeral was the weekend before DH and I got married. I'm close with my dad, but I only saw his parents a few times growing up, so I have/had no relationship with them. I didn't go to the funeral. I totally understand being torn, though.

angelsong21 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_advice-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2ed43e12-3ecb-4a87-b6f8-c4ef2baa9506Post:3eae5215-3952-444f-b1d2-1ae7aad048ac">Re: Advice?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't go unless you have some overwhelming sense of needing to say something directly to her before they turn off the life support. <strong>However IMO you can send that prayer up and she will here you from wherever you are. </strong>
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I like to think this, too.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm sorry you can't go, Brandi. I'm the type of person who feels guilty about a lot of things that I probably shouldn't. I hope that you do realize that what AATB said is true -- this isn't your fault, and if the circumstances were different, you'd be there. But you can't, and there is no reason for you to feel guilty. *hugs*

</div>

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