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Snarky Brides

Modern Motherhood Conflict (NEBB! BABY POST)

http://www.marieclaire.com/world-reports/news/stay-at-home-moms?src=soc_fcbks

I'm curious to see what SB moms, moms-to-be, or whoever think of this article.  To me, this chick is kind of sanctimonious and while I think she may have some good points, her execution is terrible.

For example, she chooses disposable diapers because she values the "protection of the liberty and free time of women" over the environment.  That just seems twat-ish to me.  If I use disposable diapers, I would imagine I would be doing so for the convenience.  If I use cloth diapers, I'd be doing so to save money, not because I'm getting pushed backward in history and becoming an animal (or whatever bullshit she started spewing)
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Re: Modern Motherhood Conflict (NEBB! BABY POST)

  • I didn't read the whole thing, but FFS.  "Feminism" means the right to choose what you want to do.  Same rebuttal I give whenever a working mom bemoans stay-at home moms for 'setting women back.' What if I *gasp* WANT to make my own baby food or stay at home and raise my kids full time or use cloth diapers?
  • I didn't read the whole thing but I agree with Steph. I think women should choose how they want to be mothers. Do you want to buy baby food? Go ahead. Want to make the damn baby food? Be my guest. 

    I got into it with a girl on my month board because she said that as a stay at home mom I will be giving up all my "vacation" and "free time" because I chose to be a mom 24/f. FFS, stay out of how I mother and don't push your opinions on me. I guess it's different than what this lady said but it's still seems to be preaching to moms to me, which I don't like.

    I do agree with her thought that mothers should have an identity outside of being a mother but I don't think I will get that by buying disposable diapers.
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  • allisong23allisong23 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited April 2012
    Did that beyotch really infer that I was an "animal" for breastfeeding and clothdiapering?

    MC: You've written about a "naturalist" strain to modern motherhood—breast-feeding on demand, natural childbirth, eco-friendly washable diapers, homemade baby food—that pushes women back into the home.

    EB: Unquestionably. The gains of the previous century—epidurals, bottle-feeding, disposable diapers—allowed women to reconcile their roles as mothers with the necessity of being financially independent. This 21st-century project of naturalism, which makes the female into an animal again, is a rejection of those gains.


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  • The line that annoyed me the most was this:
    "Homemade baby food is terrific if you know how to cook and have time to make it. But why demonize commercial baby food, which is balanced, quick, and accessible to fathers?"

    Why can't fathers make baby food as well? Unless I'm either taking this incorrectly or reading into it too much, she seems to be saying that men are unable to cook. Which just seems odd to me since she keeps talking about fathers being more involved with their children throughout the rest of the interview. Wouldn't cooking and processing homemade baby food for their child be a way to be involved?
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  • Yeah, H & I both make K's baby food, and he feeds him dinner during the week and most meals on the weekend. You don't need boobs to feed a bottle (of breast milk or formula) or feed food to a baby, so her argument sucks.
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  • edited April 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_modern-motherhood-conflict-nebb-baby-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4da08690-eb9c-4163-9e90-003713b84580Post:37d251d0-366a-412f-b141-b42282f8898c">Re: Modern Motherhood Conflict (NEBB! BABY POST)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't read the whole thing but I agree with Steph. I think women should choose how they want to be mothers. Do you want to buy baby food? Go ahead. Want to make the damn baby food? Be my guest.  I got into it with a girl on my month board because she said that as a stay at home mom I will be giving up all my "vacation" and "free time" because I chose to be a mom 24/f. FFS, stay out of how I mother and don't push your opinions on me. I guess it's different than what this lady said but it's still seems to be preaching to moms to me, which I don't like<strong>. I do agree with her thought that mothers should have an identity outside of being a mother but I don't think I will get that by buying disposable diapers.
    </strong>Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

    This is what my H and I worry about with his daughter. She always complained about mothers who lost their identity after having children, now she is one. I understand being a new mom is a great thing I've been there. But, when you wont pump and leave the house and your day revolves around a tiny person, I worry.

    I went straight back to work when I had my son, hence my choice to not breast feed and I had no W/D in my upstairs apartment, this things molded my decisions, not feminism.
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  • I do think there is this huge push to have all mothers breastfeed and I don't agree with how judgmental people get when some women say they don't want to. There are like bullies on the bump that will make others feel like shiit if they don't want to breastfeed. 

    I don't agree that breastfeeding moms are animals, obviously, but I also think there is a ton of pressure to make new moms do it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_modern-motherhood-conflict-nebb-baby-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4da08690-eb9c-4163-9e90-003713b84580Post:5f035966-32ae-466c-808b-89b012cc7996">Re: Modern Motherhood Conflict (NEBB! BABY POST)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't read the whole thing, but FFS.  "Feminism" means the right to choose what you want to do.  Same rebuttal I give whenever a working mom bemoans stay-at home moms for 'setting women back.' What if I *gasp* WANT to make my own baby food or stay at home and raise my kids full time or use cloth diapers?
    Posted by Steph+J[/QUOTE]

    This,

    I also think it is a stretch to say that choices about things like making homemade baby food vs. buying developes a culture that infantizes women.  Each mother is making an individual choice, it's not being forced on them by society and many women opt not to make their own baby food so I think she is making a false argument there. 

    I didn't read the whole article so did it say whether or not she has ever been a stay at home mom?  I kind of get a talking out of her ass vibe from her.
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  • kd- I agree. Obviously I can't speak from experience of having a kid out of the womb yet, haha. But even now, I feel like some pregnant women lose their identity. It drives me batty that all people want to talk to me about it being pregnant. I am SO glad I am pregnant and it took us a while for this to happen but I'm also a woman, sister, daughter, teacher (was), dog owner, runner, friend, etc.
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  • reilsreils member
    1000 Comments
    I think she makes a few good points but goes about it the wrong way. IMO she's also talking a lot of crap. I don't understand why men can't make baby food. If H and I have kids I plan on doing a lot of things that she talks down to. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing things a different way but if I want to cloth diaper my baby what does that have to do with feminism or me having my own identity outside of being a mother. A lot of her arguments didn't quite line up for me. 
  • Well, KW and I are both working moms with FT jobs who BF (or did) and cloth diaper. I wash diapers when I am home, usually overnight. I don't stay home from work to wash diapers. That is just weird to claim that. 

    My H won't touch them though, but that is a different story. 
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  • Some people are so ignorant.  I think that people can have plenty of their own freedoms while still being a SAHM.  In fact, I know several who spend their time doing volunteer work. My bosses wife was a teacher when they got married. They had a daughter a few years later and then a son 7 years after that (last year).  She never went back to work but has volunteered for the city council and is president of the PTO. She did BF with their son for every meal until he started eating some more solid foods.  You can have your independence and still do all of those things.

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  • Also, why can't women enter the job field after their children have graduated high school? Since when do places not hire women in their ~40's anymore?  They may not go on to have the same success as if they started earlier, but they won't be unhireable, IMO.
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  • Plus, making babyfood is kind of unnecessary for very long. We do Baby Led Weaning and haven't fed Sparky any purees, aside from his daily dose of oatmeal and applesauce. He heats what we eat, and it makes us eat better. I cook because I don't want to eat takeout all the time, not because I feel some ancient pull. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_modern-motherhood-conflict-nebb-baby-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4da08690-eb9c-4163-9e90-003713b84580Post:ee97b677-94fd-409b-b0c6-4b57b2524c06">Re: Modern Motherhood Conflict (NEBB! BABY POST)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Also, why can't women enter the job field after their children have graduated high school? Since when do places not hire women in their ~40's anymore?  They may not go on to have the same success as if they started earlier, but they won't be unhireable, IMO.
    Posted by brandichamberlain[/QUOTE]
    They might be. In my office, they most probably wouldn't have the technical skills or up to date regulatory knowledge to be competitive. That's just a fact of life. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_modern-motherhood-conflict-nebb-baby-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4da08690-eb9c-4163-9e90-003713b84580Post:40bcc78a-f29f-4cf4-b6ac-3d5c0c4da27a">Re: Modern Motherhood Conflict (NEBB! BABY POST)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Modern Motherhood Conflict (NEBB! BABY POST) : They might be. In my office, they most probably wouldn't have the technical skills or up to date regulatory knowledge to be competitive. That's just a fact of life. 
    Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

    I can understand this. But lets say for example a 20 year old woman has a baby and stays home until she is 38 years old and the child gradutaes. She then applies, gets accepted, and completes college for an accounting degree.  Do you think that with a fresh degree an accounting office wouldn't hire her to do something?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_modern-motherhood-conflict-nebb-baby-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4da08690-eb9c-4163-9e90-003713b84580Post:d77c9524-e427-4cdc-84e8-4cdf2b908f09">Re: Modern Motherhood Conflict (NEBB! BABY POST)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Modern Motherhood Conflict (NEBB! BABY POST) : I can understand this. But lets say for example a 20 year old woman has a baby and stays home until she is 38 years old and the child gradutaes. She then applies, gets accepted, and completes college for an accounting degree.  Do you think that with a fresh degree an accounting office wouldn't hire her to do something?
    Posted by brandichamberlain[/QUOTE]
    They might, but not without the recent education. If she got the degree before the kids but stayed out of the workforce for 18 years, it would be worthless. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_modern-motherhood-conflict-nebb-baby-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4da08690-eb9c-4163-9e90-003713b84580Post:76d194a9-eab4-4eca-806d-38d64a9f9265">Re: Modern Motherhood Conflict (NEBB! BABY POST)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Modern Motherhood Conflict (NEBB! BABY POST) : They might, but not without the recent education. If she got the degree before the kids but stayed out of the workforce for 18 years, it would be worthless. 
    Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

    I can agree with you there. Although, she may be able to get a job as a bank teller or something that doesn't require a degree.  I see your point of view, though.
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  • Brandi, also, what about the fact that the now 18 year old is (hopefully) pursuing a college education or other advanced training of some kind?  There was barely enough money to send me to college in my household when I went, let alone my mom too.  And while I worked my butt off and don't see anything wrong with a kid paying for their own college education, I can't imagine, as a mom, telling my kid "sorry hon, you're on your own" and then going out and getting my own college education instead. 
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  • I think the woman had a valid point about not wrapping a woman's entire identity up in being a mother and maintaining outside interests, but he arguments to back it up were assinine.  Absolutely rediculous.  
    I have read the book "Bringing up Bebe" though (that they mentioned in the intro to the interview, though I'm not sure why since the interview had very little relevance to what I took out of that book, and the book has a different author) and it has some really interesting insights about teaching patience, scheduling, freedoms, diet, etc.  I'd like to try to work some of that theory (and do more research on it beyond just Pamela's book)  into things when I have kids, but I've got concerns about if/how it would be effective when you're surrounded by other people doing different stuff.  Part of the reason I think Pamela saw success with it, was that everyone around her was doing the same thing.

  • In Response to Re:Modern Motherhood Conflict NEBB! BABY POST:[QUOTE]I think she comes across as a mommy basher.nbsp; I think part of it is how she words things. I don't think calling breast feeding moms animals can really ever not sound offensive. I do think that she has one good message about retaining your identity while still being a good mother. I've seen friends and family members completely change after having kids. I get that children will change your life, but I do think it's odd if it changes your personality. Posted by kodakitty[/QUOTE]

    I agree.
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  • I think it's bs. I also fail to see the connection between an epidural and being financially independant.

    Same with baby food. It takes me a whole 5 minutes to whip up a weeks worth of food in the blender. It will take that long to select the bottle from the shelf, and cost me twice as much. I make her dinner while I make ours.

    I work FT. I breastfeed. I cloth diaper. I had an epidural/pain med free birth. Yes, my life pretty much revolves around my baby right now because she is a baby. Every day she gets older and I gain a little bit more "freedom". For me it's a non-issue because that is how I always knew I would be when I had a kid. In the words of Dr. Sears "You are a raising a baby, not an inconvenience." That being said, I have rarely felt tied down or limited by her presence. I still run errands, go out to eat, etc.

    If I have changed at all personality wise it is, I think, an improvement. I am much less likely to take crap from people and am more assertive because now I have someone else to take care of.
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