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July 2012 Weddings
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Not Coming to Wedding (Long)

honeybear072012honeybear072012
100 Comments First Anniversary
in July 2012 Weddings
So we're having our wedding in PA (where I'm from) while most of FI's family is from MI (where we live now).  Now, I know it's really hard for people to get time off and spend money on travel but the lack of FI's side coming to the wedding is really depressing me.  We made it as easy as possible for people to get to the wedding without taking time off and with only needing one night to stay at a hotel.  It's a 5 hour drive from where we are in MI to my hometown in PA.  The ceremony starts at 2pm which means it's doable to get from MI to PA the day of the wedding.

We invited an even number (110 each) to our wedding.  As it sits right now only about 50 people are coming from FI's list while about 80 are coming from mine.  FI only has 12 people left to RSVP and I really have this terrible feeling that not one of them are going to come (Good reason to feel that way as they're all kind of intertwined and 1 of them already said no)

I feel absolutely awful about this!  I really feel that it's my fault because I wanted to get married in PA even though I knew my family would all travel to our wedding if it was in MI.  But I feel even worse for FI because there will be so few people he knows that are there for him!  I know there's really nothing I can do short of offering to pay for people's trips but it's really depressing me.  FI says it's no big deal but it is to me.

Sorry if that made no sense!  Just needed to get that out there.
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Re: Not Coming to Wedding (Long)

  • ramisenhramisenh member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    I'm in the exact same boat as you. We invited five families from FI side and so far not one is coming. And I know lots of people will say "It's about the two of you getting married" and all of that, but it still hurts and sucks that not everyone you want can be there. All I can say is that they will be thinking of you and your FI the day of even if they can't be there with you.
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  • MeaganR12MeaganR12
    1000 Comments
    I'm sorry. I'm also in the same boat as you. I'm from here (where we're getting married) and my FI is from Denver. I also knew that my family would have traveled while my FI's family probably wouldn't. 

    But here's the thing I've realized while planning our wedding. No matter where or when it is, people will have issues with it. So at the end of the day, you should do what makes both of you the happiest. Those 50 people that are coming from FI's side are obviously the ones who value your FI the most, and are probably the ones you want there the most anyway.
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  • butterflyjumper1butterflyjumper1
    1000 Comments
    I am totally in the same boat as you. Only a few friends and family from my side have declined, while nearly all of the declines we have gotten are from his side. The people who REALLY matter to my fiance are coming, though - and hopefully it is the same way with your fiance's family, as megan said. Most of the people who really care about you will do everything they can to be there on your special day.  I know it sucks to receive a decline, but your day will still be wonderful and shared with the people who really matter. HUGS!!!
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  • KatieK501KatieK501 member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_not-coming-to-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:10b13ac2-c6e1-4c03-8ad9-357024308f6fPost:fcaa113a-ba8b-44d4-973c-08e54b035ed9">Re: Not Coming to Wedding (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry. I'm also in the same boat as you. I'm from here (where we're getting married) and my FI is from Denver. I also knew that my family would have traveled while my FI's family probably wouldn't.  <strong>But here's the thing I've realized while planning our wedding. No matter where or when it is, people will have issues with it. So at the end of the day, you should do what makes both of you the happiest. Those 50 people that are coming from FI's side are obviously the ones who value your FI the most, and are probably the ones you want there the most anyway.</strong>
    Posted by MeaganR12[/QUOTE]

    Well said!  I'm sort of in the opposite situation - we're having our wedding where we live now, not my hometown.  Where we live now also happens to be where FI's parents live, and it seems like ALL of his family that we invited will be there (though they have yet to send in their RSVPs (!!!!!!), while a lot of people from my hometown will not.  FI's parents are almost treating the weekend as a family reunion.
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  • honeybear072012honeybear072012
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    edited June 2012
    Thanks Ladies!  I'm trying to keep it in perspective but it's really tough!  Most everyone that is important is coming but for a while his grandfather straight refused (FI only has him now, the other three have passed recently) and if he hadn't come it would have been a terrible blow.  I'm going to keep thinking positive!  Just had to have a little vent!

    Katie, good luck with that!  Non-RSVP's are even more frustrating to me than declines!  And I hope they keep in perspective who the event really is for!

    Edit: Grammer stuff!
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  • l_everettl_everett
    100 Comments
    I hear ya as i'm in the ... opposite boat too. Where we live now is where we are having the wedding and where all FI's family is. My family on the other side of the country and very few are coming out. I am saddened by some of the ppl that i would love here but aren't coming because of expenses and the time required and what not but i am keeping at the forefront that FI and I are getting married and all of my immediate family will be there and that is more than enough for me :)
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  • BrightFireflyBrightFirefly member
    1000 Comments
    FI has 5 family member coming to our wedding...and about 20 co-workers/guest of co-workers.

    The rest of the 75 person attendance are my guests.

    I feel bad for FI because his own mom isn't even coming to his wedding, nor is one of his sister's, her husband, and our nephew. Mostly bummed our nephew can't make it - because he's an adorable little guy.

    But FI doesn't care anymore. It is what it is - and he says he's just focusing on the fact that he's marrying me to get by.
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  • honeybear072012honeybear072012
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    Thanks again for all the support ladies!  Just feeling a little down after getting more no's from his side today.  Feeling better now!  I will definitely keep in mind what you'd all said when if I get down again!
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