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Just Engaged and Proposals

Wedding Planning: Not a Solo Sport

I know, as you start wedding planning, every other person has advice. (Get used to it.) But this isn't something I was told or read, and it would have saved me some stress, plus a couple of unpleasant disagreements.

Don't assume that your fiance couldn't care less about the details. It's a stereotype that the men don't care about anything except for the food. Like most stereotypes, it has some truth to it, but be careful about painting with too broad a brush.

What I wish someone had told me is, "Before you do any wedding planning, sit down with your fiance and discuss anything you both have in mind." My husband surprised me with the things he actually did care about. (Yes, good food was on the list while flowers were not. I did say the stereotype has some truth.) Often I cared more than he did, and he let me have what I wanted, because that's the kind of man I married.

Example: I announced early on that I thought royal purple should be our color. Later it turned out his first choice would've been forest green. Now, I wouldn't go with forest green, and we might well have ended up with royal purple anyway, but the point is that we didn't have the conversation. I steamrolled through and assumed that he didn't care. Later this kind of thing led to some tense evenings.

I did learn from this a few months in, and started asking for his input. We found ways to work in aspects that reflected what he wanted. (More unsolicited advice: groom's cake. Our cake baker made a groom's cake for a very reasonable price. We ate it at the rehearsal dinner, and it allowed us to work in his love of Batman without having a Batman cake at the actual reception.)

I now see it this way: wedding planning is an excellent chance to practice communication and compromise, two skills which couples need for a good marriage.

Re: Wedding Planning: Not a Solo Sport

  • I can agree with this. I chose purple and green as our colors, and my fiance asked me why. I told him because purple is my favorite and green is yours. He smiled and was touched. I am not planning a wedding just for me but for both of us. Every decision I've made I've asked him about so far. We decided together for a masquerade ball near halloween at a castle that is local. We will decide the readings together, and so many other things.

    Surprisingly he doesnt care about the cake! We're going to do grooms pie rather than cake. He will probably go with me for the tasting but I get to make most of the decision on that.
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  • very true although my FI doesnt really say much I ask his opinion on things all the time and he just says he doesn't care or idk whatever I want. but i get alil frustrated bc i tell him its not just my wedding its our wedding. So I try to squeeze info out of him sometimes  he has a imput but most of the time not so much haha
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  • After mentioning I wasn't sure I wanted to wear a veil I discovered my fiance expected I'd have a blusher that he could lift and kiss me. :-) He didn't know what a blusher was, but there was a clear picture in his mind. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM??? Who knows but now I realize we need to talk about lots of details including my outfit because I care less than he does, but I'm better at planning.
  • My husband and I planned every. single. little. thing. together. There wasn't a single decision I made without his input, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. 
    I really hate hearing about women that have planned their dream wedding out before even having a fiance'... then it's not the couple's wedding, it's hers. ick. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_wedding-planning-not-a-solo-sport?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:514d02be-5667-413c-a73e-d880ed24f548Post:996cf2ec-3192-4805-b5c9-21d4bdf60321">Re: Wedding Planning: Not a Solo Sport</a>:
    [QUOTE]My husband and I planned every. single. little. thing. together. There wasn't a single decision I made without his input, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.  I really hate hearing about women that have planned their dream wedding out before even having a fiance'... then it's not the couple's wedding, it's hers. ick. 
    Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

    <div>I COMPLETELY agree! My fiance and I have tried to make this wedding as much "ours" as possible. Unfortunately, his patience only goes so far - he went ribbon shopping with me once and told me he never wanted to do that again! Hehe. But he has been a part of the decision making process the whole time.</div>
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