To invite or NOT to invite?

danidee421 · May 2012

We are having a fairly low-budget wedding (meaning less than 1500). I have a lot of co-workers and former co-workers/old friends i would like to invite to the ceremony however, due to budget, can not afford to have them eat at the reception. So my question is... is there anyway i can invite them to just the ceremony but explain why they can not come to the reception? if so, how would i word that without sounding tacky or mean?

celticmyss · May 2012

I wouldn't invite them to the ceremony and not the reception. It really sends a negative message to the guest. Not only is a reception a thank you to the ceremony guests for attending, which they would be, it also basically tells them they're good enough to come to one part but not good enough to come to the other. There simply is no nice way to say that.

DreamCLG7 · May 2012

yeah, there are quite a few knot rules that I don't agree with, but not this one. You can't really invite people to the ceremony and not the receiption. it's like saying "come, watch us get married and bring a gift, but you're not imporant enough for us to feed you."

QueerFemme · May 2012

I agree with previous posters. I know you want to include as many people as possible... but, there is just no good way to do this. If you want to include all of those extra people, you could cut back on your food and just serve an appetizer and cake reception only. But, there is no way to invite people to the ceremony but not the reception without it being rude or appearing gift grabby.

sparent2010 · May 2012

You don't. That would be extremely rude and tacky. Just don't invite them at all. People understand that weddings are expensive, and you cannot invite eveyone that you want to be there.

abcollins08 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_to-invite-or-not-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:16210acf-bee5-48f1-bee1-85fcdc0b2827Post:82b41ce4-d1e6-44d2-b21a-c055decf6d75">To invite or NOT to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a fairly low-budget wedding (meaning less than 1500). I have a lot of co-workers and former co-workers/old friends i would like to invite to the ceremony however, due to budget, <strong>can not afford to have them eat at the reception</strong>. So my question is... is there anyway i can invite them to just the ceremony but explain why they can not come to the reception? if so, how would i word that without sounding <strong>tacky or mean</strong>?
Posted by danidee421[/QUOTE]

You kind of answered your own question there. You CAN'T afford to host these guests and there isn't a way to not make it sound tacky or mean. Everyone has to cut the guest list off somewhere or else we'd invite everyone we've ever known.

When FI and I started making our list we had 300 people, we can not afford to have them all there. We had to cut the list in half. If there was someone that neither of us had met, they got cut. Someone we hadn't seen in a few years-cut. We're paying for the wedding ourselves, so our parents were given a small number of invitations and we had to cut those down too.

I know it's hard, but trust me your guests will feel hurt if they are only invited to part of your day.

morenachica110 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_to-invite-or-not-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:16210acf-bee5-48f1-bee1-85fcdc0b2827Post:adcbfe5c-0f39-4218-bd8b-7852481bbc41">Re: To invite or NOT to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't. That would be extremely rude and tacky. Just don't invite them at all. People understand that weddings are expensive, and you cannot invite eveyone that you want to be there.
Posted by sparent2010[/QUOTE]

<div>This. There are many other people we'd love to invite, but we can't. And they understand. I would just try to not talk wedding around them and if it comes up just tell them "We'd love to have everyone there, but unfotunately we can't."</div>

BMcLeodTeam · May 2012

The reception is to thank guests for attending the Ceremony and celebrating with you.... so no it wouldn't be appropriate to invite them to the Ceremony and then only thank some of your guests.

danidee421 · May 2012

ok, thank you for your feedback everyone. i guess i am not as well versed in the wedding world as all of you. i was unaware that the purpose of the reception was to THANK people for coming - i just thought it was to celebrate the marriage. Furthermore i had NO intention, or had even thought about, any guest bringing a gift. So for those of you that thought i was just inviting them to get a gift - your dead wrong.

DreamCLG7 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_to-invite-or-not-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:16210acf-bee5-48f1-bee1-85fcdc0b2827Post:fcfe96ec-800c-4112-b1e3-3d3a79f9fadf">Re: To invite or NOT to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]ok, thank you for your feedback everyone. i guess i am not as well versed in the wedding world as all of you. i was unaware that the purpose of the reception was to THANK people for coming - i just thought it was to celebrate the marriage. Furthermore i had NO intention, or had even thought about, any guest bringing a gift. So for those of you that thought i was just inviting them to get a gift - your dead wrong.
Posted by danidee421[/QUOTE]

hmmpf. well, now you've expanded your wedding knowledge a little bit AND avoided a serious faux-pas. Win win! :)

hollyweenOR · May 2012

Pretty much your only option if you truly want to include all these people would be to scale way back to a "cake & punch" type reception in the mid-afternoon. This is honestly an okay thing to do- it's a little old-fashioned, and what many of our parents & grandparents probably did. It's what mine did, and even now it is fully appropriate, just different from the current trend of a nearly day-long celebration with ceremony, cocktails, dinner, many hours of dancing, even "late night snacks" and after-parties. There's nothing wrong with either approach. But you can't really say, "There's plenty of room at the chapel, which is free, but I'm full up at the party, which I have to pay for." Know what I mean?

QueerFemme · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_to-invite-or-not-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:16210acf-bee5-48f1-bee1-85fcdc0b2827Post:fcfe96ec-800c-4112-b1e3-3d3a79f9fadf">Re: To invite or NOT to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]ok, thank you for your feedback everyone. i guess i am not as well versed in the wedding world as all of you. i was unaware that the purpose of the reception was to THANK people for coming - i just thought it was to celebrate the marriage. Furthermore i had NO intention, or had even thought about, any guest bringing a gift. So for those of you that thought i was just inviting them to get a gift - your dead wrong.
Posted by danidee421[/QUOTE]

I didn't think you WERE trying to get gifts... I'm just saying that inviting people to the ceremony but not the reception gives the APPEARANCE of being gift grabby.

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