What would you do? Bridesmaid drama

kaimah · July 2012

Long story short: I asked my older sister to be a bridesmaid when I got engaged in March 2011. She did not acknowledge my bridesmaid invite. She does not respond to group emails. I have called her and she does not respond. She brought her dress, but complained about it to our other sister. I had my bridal shower and invited her along with my other bridesmaids from all over the US. She did not respond. We are about two months out.....and I have not heard a word from her.

What would you do? I'm really not sure if she is going to even show up to the wedding.

kcc76 · July 2012

Have you tried actually talking to her in the phone or in person? I am thinking maybe she doesn't live near you so I would call her ASAP and just ask her whats going on if she is going to be in the wedding. I am sorry you are having this problem. I don't know why people make it difficult fir the bride.

kaimah · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_what-would-you-do-bridesmaid-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:cf6b6a22-64b6-4454-b4a8-981ea2c62b0dPost:e6bb7264-28d3-492b-9460-2061a37b1c09">Re:What would you do? Bridesmaid drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you tried actually talking to her in the phone or in person? I am thinking maybe she doesn't live near you so I would call her ASAP and just ask her whats going on if she is going to be in the wedding. I am sorry you are having this problem. I don't know why people make it difficult fir the bride.
Posted by kcc76[/QUOTE]

I forgot to put that in my post, I have called, emailed and texted her. No response. She is always on facebook, talks and hangs out with other family members.

kcc76 · July 2012

How rude! You have called, texted and left messages with no response. Well it seems to me she doesn't want to be in your wedding. So I would politely leave her another message and or text stating that since you haven't had any communication from here you can only think that she doesn't want to be in your wedding. You will not count her as being one of your BM. That this is upseting to you because you want to include her but with no communication you have to move on.

FutureMzHayden · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_what-would-you-do-bridesmaid-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:cf6b6a22-64b6-4454-b4a8-981ea2c62b0dPost:4df39772-d49f-40e3-98e4-e444de533acb">Re:What would you do? Bridesmaid drama</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>How rude! </strong>You have called, texted and left messages with no response. Well it seems to me she doesn't want to be in your wedding. So I would politely leave her another message and or text stating that since you haven't had any communication from here you can only think that she doesn't want to be in your wedding. You will not count her as being one of your BM. That this is upseting to you because you want to include her but with no communication you have to move on.
Posted by kcc76[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I have to agree this is very rude and even more upsetting because she is your sister. I will pray for you!

</div>

[Deleted User] · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_what-would-you-do-bridesmaid-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:cf6b6a22-64b6-4454-b4a8-981ea2c62b0dPost:4df39772-d49f-40e3-98e4-e444de533acb">Re:What would you do? Bridesmaid drama</a>:
[QUOTE]How rude! You have called, texted and left messages with no response. Well it seems to me she doesn't want to be in your wedding. So I would politely leave her another message and or text stating that since you haven't had any communication from here you can only think that she doesn't want to be in your wedding. You will not count her as being one of your BM. That this is upseting to you because you want to include her but with no communication you have to move on.
Posted by kcc76[/QUOTE]

gmorning.

this. except I'd leave out the part about it upsetting you. I cant think of anything more infuriating to a passive agressive adult than ignoring that they are ignoring you. I wouldn't mention being upset to my other siblings or say another word about the dress or plans. If she brings it up what I would tell my sister is: I wouldve loved for you to have been part of the day but I understand <strong><em>your choice</em></strong> not to be. lean hard on *your choice* no grease.

Now this may not solve the fact that you really want your sister in your wedding, but you've gotta ask yourself if it's what she wants. one thing I've learned from all the wives on the boards is this: the women that are standing up there with you support you in a way that is not about wardrobe choices or hairstyle or make up, they are your ace boons in a way that runs deeper than a wedding day, hear? 2 Corinthians 9:7 for God loveth a cheerful giver. Hellurrrrr....?

I'll say this and then I'll stop speechyfing. Where and when ever somebody's words and deeds are inconsistent (nwr, generally) the thing that will tell you more than you need to know about em is the <strong>deed</strong>. She isn't behaving like somebody who <em>cheerfully </em>supports you. I'm praying that you two work it out and it doesn't affect your closeness, I just really hope you don't feel guilty if she decides otherwise.

CaseynMike · July 2012

Hellllurrr I agree with Sultry!! I will be praying for you though!

soontobehasrouni · July 2012

That's really ragedy ofnher. Sister or not, now u know whereu stand. Remember her actions when she needs something!

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_what-would-you-do-bridesmaid-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:cf6b6a22-64b6-4454-b4a8-981ea2c62b0dPost:c56c55e7-f54f-4799-8688-b05404a4d0d2">What would you do? Bridesmaid drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Long story short: I asked my older sister to be a bridesmaid when I got engaged in March 2011. She did not acknowledge my bridesmaid invite. She does not respond to group emails. I have called her and she does not respond. She brought her dress, but complained about it to our other sister. I had my bridal shower and invited her along with my other bridesmaids from all over the US. She did not respond. We are about two months out.....and I have not heard a word from her. What would you do? I'm really not sure if she is going to even show up to the wedding.
Posted by kaimah[/QUOTE]

keyaira04 · July 2012

sultryzulu is on point her advice. I would also let her know that its her choice not to be a part of your speical day and you hope she is able to attend the wedding as a guest.

Carla1019 · July 2012

This is what I would do...actually I did.

Get her on the phone

You: Hey Sis, I've been really worried about you. It's not like you to not return my calls or texts.
Her: Oh girl, I've had so much going on blah blah blah blah.....
You: I'm sorry to hear this, well I don't want my wedding to be an extra burden on your plate, if you would like to step down as a BM, I would more than understand.
Her: No Sis, you know I want to be there for you. I'm just going through some things.
Okay, Let's met at X date & time to discuss all the wedding requirements. If you are unable to make it, then you will have to come as a guest.

When that day and time passes and she is still not acting right, you can honestly say you gave her one last opportunity to be in it and she failed.

This is EXACTLY what I did to my BM.

kcc76 · July 2012

In Response to Re:What would you do? Bridesmaid drama:[QUOTE]This is what I would do...actually I did.Get her on the phoneYou: Hey Sis, I've been really worried about you. It's not like you to not return my calls or texts.Her: Oh girl, I've had so much going on blah blah blah blah.....You: I'm sorry to hear this, well I don't want my wedding to be an extra burden on your plate, if you would like to step down as a BM, I would more than understand.Her: No Sis, you know I want to be there for you. I'm just going through some things.Okay, Let's met at X date amp; time to discuss all the wedding requirements. If you are unable to make it, then you will have to come as a guest.When that day and time passes and she is still not acting right, you can honestly say you gave her one last opportunity to be in it and she failed. This is EXACTLY what I did to my BM. Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

Good idea! But I don't know if she is going to answer the phone when she sees its her, but its worth a try.

RealHappyGal · July 2012

girl, i just had my sister drop out this weekend with less than 60 days to go. It was a relief actually, all the past months were her driving me crazy anyway.

We were never able to even settle on a bm dress thanks to her. Well, since sunday, we've had two contenders for wedding dresses. The girls will try them both on this thursday.

You'll see that things will work out more smoothly. I'd just be firm about it and make sure she realizes that it is her lack of communication and efforts that have brought on this.

What would you do? Bridesmaid drama

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