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Shopping for the dress

mickeymcbrmickeymcbr member
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in Moms and Maids
My daughter is getting married and we are both looking forward to shopping for her dress. She wants to invite her favorite aunt to join us. Now, her future mother-in-law is demanding, as is the groom, that she be included in the dress shopping along with her best friend. We feel this is not really anyones decision except the bride. Any feedback would be appreciated.
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Re: Shopping for the dress

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    EBDGEBDG
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    the bride gets to decide who she wants to go with her to shop.  noone else should get a say unless they have offered to pay.  i went only with my mom and it was a wonderful experience!!

    the bride could offer to go with the MOG for dress shopping for the MOG. but there is no reason for her to come bridal gown shopping unless the bride requests.
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    marshallalmarshallal
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    edited December 2011
    This is a conversation your daughter needs to have with her groom.  She needs to find out why it is that he's so insistent his mother be included.  My fiance is the oldest of two boys, so my FMIL was never going to get that daughter shopping for a wedding dress experience.  We wanted to include her in as much as we could, but I was very firm in that wedding dress shopping was for me and mom only.  When my dress came in, she came with me to pick it up, and therefore got to see it with me.  It was just the two of us, so she got that bonding experience as well.  If your daughter is adamant that she does not want her FMIL there when you shop for the dress, I would have her consider other ways she can involve her such as in picking up the dress, or being there for fittings.  My FMIL was ecstatic to hear that I was including her in some way, but understood when I gently told her that shopping for the dress was something my mother and I had looked forward to together since I was little, but that I would love to have her there other times.  Sometimes it's about the way you approach it, and not necessarily that you don't do what they want.
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    Juris11Juris11
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    edited December 2011
    I did not want to take my FMIL because I wanted it to be special with my mom and grandma. My FI didn't care though.

    Maybe she can compromise by inviting her to the fittings? I am doing this. She should explain to her FI that she really wants it to be a special private moment with you guys and offer that as a compromise.
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Your DD's FMIL should not be demanding that she and her friend be included. But I think you should let your daughter handle this without getting involved. She is going to be part of that family for a very long time so she should learn how to negotiate with them. If she doesn't want to invite her, she should tell her fi. If she is pressured by FMIL, she could tell her that she doesn't want anyone but her mom to see the dress before the wedding.

    I'm an MOB, too, so I understand that special shopping trip, but if my DD invites her FMIL along, it would not make it any less special for us.
                       
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    mickeymcbrmickeymcbr member
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    edited December 2011
    The comments about letting the bride talk things out with her FMIL are great and I do agree that she has many years as part of that family. Suggestions for including FMIL in fittings or pick up are a good compromise.
    It really is a special mother and daughter time that we will always share memories of fondly.
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    HandBananaHandBanana member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree that your daughter needs to talk to her FH.

    I know several brides that include their FMIL.  It isn't complettely out of the ordinary but it is up to your daughter.  She shouldn't feel bullied into it by her FMIL or her FH.

    Would you and your daughter be willing to compromise?  Perhaps you and your daughter doing all the shopping and deciding.  Narrowing down to 3 dresses and then having the FMIL and friend along to make the final decision. 

    I think it is odd that it isn't just the FMIL but also a friend.  Also, this is a gauge of things to come and could influence your daughters relationship with her FMIL so she should be very aware in how she handles this.
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    Kimberly0402Kimberly0402 member
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    edited December 2011
    What does your daughter want? If she just wants you and her to go shopping, then do it on the sly. If you find the dress, then take the rest of the group to a second appointment.

    I oringially wanted my grandma, aunt, and FMIL to go wedding dress shopping with me, but I ended up, oh a whim, going with just my mom to the store and found my dress (and purchased it). I wouldn't trade it for the world. We had so much fun and there wasn't pressure. We invited the others to a later appointment so they could see the dress and no one knows our secret!


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    cmusmiles85cmusmiles85 member
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    edited December 2011
    I just took my mom to try on dresses- but once I had ordered it, I brought my FMIL to the store to see it. Maybe do this?
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    Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We planned a day with an appointment at Davids and then lunch.  We invited the BP, and the FMIL.  Heather tried on dresses, whatever anyone wanted her to try, we had a lovely lunch, everyone felt good about it.  Then....Heather and I went out to a couple more shops and found her dress.  Just the two of us and we had the moment.  Everyone was happy!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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    choleandjoecholeandjoe
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    right,but she need your advice.she want to share her  happiness with you all Smile
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    lpool22lpool22
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    congrats! 
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