His First, My Second~Greetings I am new to this board :o)

Misspriss6346 · August 2010

Hi there, my FI and I will be getting married 10/1/2011 and it is my second and his first. I was married for about 7 years and have been separated for 5 years. He has never been married or even proposed to anyone. I have two daughters and a son while my FI has one son. We have no children together-yet. So we are a mixed family for sure. I am really concerned about making this wedding special for not only me but for my FI as well. Do any of you ladies find yourself making wedding plans and making sure you don't repeat anything from your previous wedding? I am curious if it is just me. Hope to get to know you all.

Toodles

MikesAngie · August 2010

Congratulations and Welcome!

Our upcoming wedding in April 2011, is everything we want it to be. We're doing it our way. The best thing to do is read the "It's Normal" that was posted earlier this week (I think) and remember the only rule is there are no rules! Do what matters and will be meaningful to you and your FI!

AdelphiTN · August 2010

Welcome!! It's quite natural to try to not do ANYTHING the same as before... and it frequently works out that somes things ARE the same. No worries. Just make it what the two of you want.

This is also my FI's first. At the start of the process, I said 'tonight i want to ask you what's important to you about the wedding' - (the advanced notice). Then we sat down over a nice dinner (and several drinks) and I sort of interviewed him... do you care about flowers? do you care about what the food is? etc. So we honed in on the things that mattered to him... which turned out to be the food, the bar, the vows, and a dinner the night before. So he is all over those areas.

On the other areas (flowers, decor, colors, invitations), he could not care less. I show him what i'm thinking and he grunts approval (lol).

The first few steps are to agree on budget and size of the wedding. Then decide the when & where based on that.

One thing I have definitely noticed is that i have really enjoyed planning this time around. And LOVE coming here with ideas and rants.

Good luck!!!

melissamc2 · August 2010

Greetings and salutations!

I'm Melissa. This is my third marriage, my fiance's first. I have four children, he has well, now he has four children haha! None biologically, however. He has also never even been engaged before, and when we moved in together, it was his first live-in relationship - so it's been an adventure, for sure. I'm 37 and he is 29. We've known one another for nearly a decade, and have been together a few years. We did the long distance thing for a while before being as sure as we could be that this was "it."

We are getting married on October 10, 2010. We've been in the throes of planning pretty hardcore for about 10 months. (Lots of 10s with us, it seems!) We're having a pretty over the top event and pulling out all the stops. My first two weddings were both very nice, large-ish, affairs, but this one is definteiy more..."us." Although it's a very formal wedding, I'm less concerned about "formalities." This one is going to be FUN, complete with stand up life size cut outs of Marilyn Monroe and James Dean as part of the prop collection for our photo booth.

I can't say NOTHING is the same, because my fiance picked the colours, and was so happy with his choice, that I didn't make a production that it is very similar to the colour scheme at my first wedding. The rest, however, is very unique - right down to the full comic book programs we are having done by a well known comic artist.

My fiance is very involved in the planning and even had a huge hand in helping me pick my gown, for which I was very grateful. I hate shopping with my friends, even though I like them very much, and I wanted to make sure it was something he and I would BOTH love.

The majority of people in our lives, including our families and my most recent ex, are very supportive, which is nice. A few people have huge issues with it, but meh. You're never going to make everyone happy. Most of all, the children are thrilled and all of the adults involved have gone to great lengths to make sure they have all of us as very stable fixtures in their lives.

Now that I've written a novella - welcome to the board and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Misspriss6346 · August 2010

Thanks ladies, I too have enjoyed the planning process this time around. With my first, I was pregnant and my then mother in law did most of the planning for me which was helpful. It wasn't really what I wanted. Even my wedding dress I hated, but at least this time it will be more of what "we" want. I look forward to getting to know you ladies, Thanks again!

tklund · August 2010

It's nice to be able to talk to people going through the same stuff as me! It's my second wedding and my FI's first. We're planning/doing our wedding the way WE want, not the way OTHER people want. My first wedding (the trial run I call it!) was pretty much a combination of what everybody else thought would be/look nice. I didn't feel much of my personal touch in that one.

I am so lucky to have met my FI, and this time around the planning has been great! We're going almost the complete oppposite from my first: fun & informal, bright colors, etc. Since we're largely footing the bill, we'll hear other people's suggestions for stuff and just be able to say, good idea! or nope we're going this way because we want to, not because you're paying for it! He's a great help, and is actually really involved in the planning! I'm blessed that both my families and FI's family are so supportive of our wedding (my families never really liked my ex)!

Anywho, looking forward to many more chats with you ladies!

emjantzen · August 2010

Hello, all! It's so nice to read what everyone has to say about this. My FI has never been married, has no children, and is VERY involved with the Wedding plans (that is SOOO nice!). Since this isn't my first rodeo, I found out what details really matter to HIM, and we will make those happen for sure. It doesn't make a difference to us if there are similarities to my first wedding--pure coincidence! We love being able to throw out some "traditions" that aren't 'us', and to focus on what matters to us as a couple.

I also took him with me to dress-shop and it was a hoot! We had a ball and I feel great knowing that when he looks at me on Our day, he will love what he sees. I knew i had the right dress when he choked up...

2dBride · August 2010

I think that regardless of whether you try to make your second wedding different from your first, it will end up different just because a) you are older than you were, and your tastes have changed, b) a wedding should be a reflection of both of you, and he isn't the one you were marrying the last time.

In fact, like emjantzen, I found myself deferring to my wife a lot during the planning process, just because she had never been married before and I had.

And it's also all right to change things deliberately so they will not be like your last wedding. I am a big believer that anyone, whether it is their first wedding or not, should work with the traditions that are meaningful to them, skip the rest, and add nontraditional things that have meaning for them.

In many ways, I thought of my second wedding as being quite traditional. However, there were a lot of things that definitely weren't, from the fact that we had two brides to the Welsh love spoon we used as our cake topper. Oh, and the fact that the blessing over bread was given by the ex-husband of one of the brides might not have been totally traditional. The important thing was that we got to celebrate our marriage with the people who are important to us, and everyone had fun. (Some of them perhaps a little too much fun--witness that whipped cream fight at the reception--but still...)

Sue-n-Kevin · August 2010

Welcome!

I've never been married (like your fiance), and my fiance has been married twice, but never had a "wedding". Because we are much older, we are planning an elegant, smallish (100 people) wedding that says "this is who we are". It's easier to do when you are paying for everything yourself.

For us it's all about US and our commitment, but we are also merging families (he has 3 kids, I have 2, plus he has 3 grandkids). We want our families and friends to enjoy the day, see us happy, and know they now have yet another "family" to support and love them. Plus, we plan on it being the best party we've ever been to!

Good luck. I"m sure you'll find your legs and plan what is meaningful for both of you.

His First, My Second~Greetings I am new to this board :o)

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