Headtable problem

jczutell · February 2013

Ok so I never been really big into wedding planning til I met my future husband, however one thing I always knew that I wanted was a headtable. I just don't like the look of a sweetheart table, (I used to work weddings and through the look baren). However thr problem for my wedding is that my Fl groommens have all started family, each groomen has atleast one child ages 6month, by the wedding, to four years old. My boy thinks we should do a sweetheart table so al his groomsmen can help their wives with the kids, I think the wives should be fine and if there is a problem there is a kids room that comes with the venue. So should I just agree with him and go with the sweetheart tho I really, really want a headtable. Also none of my bridemaids have this problem

girl4182 · February 2013

Three of our wedding party attendants also have children. We're having a head table and seating their children with their spouses.

If you're concerned about it and you're open to the sweet heart table idea maybe ask the attendants with children if their spouse would be ok to sit with them through dinner on their own.

NYCMercedes · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_headtable-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e286b932-7d17-4e63-8b83-6897ee9a6191Post:d4ecf389-717a-438b-b37b-2daedf5f4025">Headtable problem</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so I never been really big into wedding planning til I met my future husband, however one thing I always knew that I wanted was a headtable. I just don't like the look of a sweetheart table, (I used to work weddings and through the look baren). However thr problem for my wedding is that my Fl groommens have all started family, each groomen has atleast one child ages 6month, by the wedding, to four years old. My boy thinks we should do a sweetheart table so al his groomsmen can help their wives with the kids, I think the wives should be fine and if there is a problem there is a kids room that comes with the venue. So should I just agree with him and go with the sweetheart tho I really, really want a headtable. Also none of my bridemaids have this problem
Posted by jczutell[/QUOTE]

Let's start with the basics. You can't split up a couple. That means your groomsmen need to sit with their wives. Next basic is that the kids need to sit with their parents if they are less than school age. Boiling it all down then, do you want kids sitting at your head table?

AddieCake · February 2013

You definitely need to seat everyone together with their spouses and significant others and children.

MairePoppy · February 2013

Your fi is right. It's rude to split up couples. If you like the look of a head table, consider having the MOH, BM and their significant others and perhaps your parents.

lauralaur · February 2013

I prefer to sit with my spouse and we don't even have kids. Will the spouses know anyone at the wedding aside from their kids, husbands and you guys?

ETA: Another alternative would be for you two to sit at a regular table with whomever you choose. My step-sister did this. They sat at a regular round table in the middle where a head or sweetheart table would be with their siblings, they're dates and the MOH.

GoodLuckBear14 · February 2013

"Come celebrate our day of our becoming a family by joining our lives as husband and wife. And to celebrate, you will be separated from your spouse/FI/SO and children. Enjoy:)"

Forget how things look. People are more important.

monkeysip · February 2013

I don't know why it's always "head table or sweetheart table"

There ARE other options. You can do a Captain's/King's table, which is basically like a head table with people seated on both sides. You can also just sit at a regular round table, like we are.

Either way, whichever option you choose, you can't split families. This is a wedding, a celebration of love and family. How can you split up families or couples?

Jen4948 · February 2013

You can't expect couples to sit apart, and I think any suggestion of a "kid's room" is not going to go over well, especially if the kids in question are very small.

If you want a head table, I think you're going to have to seat the spouses/partners/SOs and kids with your wedding party members.

CallaLily25 · February 2013

What if you did a sweetheart table with two king's tables on either side? One for the groomsmen and their families/dates, one for the bridesmaids and their families/dates.

Viczaesar · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_headtable-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e286b932-7d17-4e63-8b83-6897ee9a6191Post:7bfcf4ba-034f-458c-ae2f-8d95d14dabeb">Re: Headtable problem</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know why it's always "head table or sweetheart table" There ARE other options. You can do a Captain's/King's table, which is basically like a head table with people seated on both sides. You can also just sit at a regular round table, like we are. Either way, whichever option you choose, you can't split families. This is a wedding, a celebration of love and family. How can you split up families or couples?
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]
This.

emeejeeayen · February 2013

My FI is a groomsman in a wedding this April for a cousin he barely knows. I'm 95% convinced they will have a head table, and I will be excluded. This will be awkward for both FI and I, and we're both dreading the wedding.

mlg78 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_headtable-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e286b932-7d17-4e63-8b83-6897ee9a6191Post:5a67d4f7-b43a-4271-945d-b2fd428727dd">Re: Headtable problem</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI is a groomsman in a wedding this April for a cousin he barely knows. I'm 95% convinced they will have a head table, and I will be excluded. This will be awkward for both FI and I, and we're both dreading the wedding.
Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]
He's dreading the wedding soley because he has to sit at a head table? That seems rather over dramatic. If there's another reason then perhaps he should step down as groomsman. I certainly wouldn't want anyone in my wedding who was "dreading" attending.

ridedatbike · February 2013

Ya the kids room and the wives being fine seems presumptuous. Obviously its totally possibly for mom to do everything but it sucks when your extra hands taken away for no good reason. Good luck with your planning I hope you find something that suits you I like the kings tables ideas.

jlm9113 · February 2013

We're having a sweetheart table, and then two tables on either side (probably offset and moved a little forward) for our wedding party/their dates/SOs/kids/etc. That way they all get to sit with their guests, all of our guests are seated with their SO and the 'front' looks more filled in.

kmmssg · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_headtable-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e286b932-7d17-4e63-8b83-6897ee9a6191Post:d4ecf389-717a-438b-b37b-2daedf5f4025">Headtable problem</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so I never been really big into wedding planning til I met my future husband, however one thing I always knew that I wanted was a headtable. I just don't like the look of a sweetheart table, (I used to work weddings and through the look baren). However thr problem for my wedding is that my Fl groommens have all started family, each groomen has atleast one child ages 6month, by the wedding, to four years old. My boy thinks we should do a sweetheart table so al his groomsmen can help their wives with the kids,<strong> I think the wives should be fine and if there is a problem there is a kids room that comes with the venue</strong>. So should I just agree with him and go with the sweetheart tho I really, really want a headtable. Also none of my bridemaids have this problem
Posted by jczutell[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>First off, the bold part is just presumptious and rude. If you decide to have kids in the future and this happens to you, you will understand. Will the mom's make it through? Yes,. Will they be able to enjoy their nice dinner you have served them while it is nice and hot and at its best? No, because they have to help their childen with their meals and you don't think them having an extra set of hands to do that is as important as the look of your table. That is rude.</div><div>
</div><div>Do the kings/captains table and you take care of<strong> everyone.</strong>

</div>

Angelface225 · February 2013

We're doing a sweetheart table. I think it'll be nice to have a few minutes of 1:1 with FI. I've also been the SO sitting at a table with a bunch of people I didn't know. It sucks.

emeejeeayen · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_headtable-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e286b932-7d17-4e63-8b83-6897ee9a6191Post:a13c487a-b28c-42c8-b597-752b7b519d8f">Re: Headtable problem</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Headtable problem : He's dreading the wedding soley because he has to sit at a head table? That seems rather over dramatic. If there's another reason then perhaps he should step down as groomsman. I certainly wouldn't want anyone in my wedding who was "dreading" attending.
Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

<div>Stage summed it up in a sense, but also he barely knows this cousin and was put on the spot to be a groomsman. All 3 of his younger brothers were also asked, and it seems pretty clear they're fishing to fill spaces to make the sides equal. The invite says "black tie optional" but when I asked if that meant I actually needed a black tie worthy gown (I'd do rent the runway) I was told to "not get anything too nice because I would get side-eyed for outshining the bride's family." So many eye rolls in one place. </div><div>
</div><div>Not to mention, it's the effing weekend before FI's 2nd semester law school finals. It's entirely stupid. I told him to step down, but he doesn't feel like he can. He legit doesn't even talk to his cousin - all communication has been through the cousin's dad/FI's uncle. </div><div>
</div><div>So yeah, we're not looking forward to the wedding, but I don't really think that matters to these folk. </div>

GoodLuckBear14 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_headtable-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e286b932-7d17-4e63-8b83-6897ee9a6191Post:25f5c332-b6e0-48cb-b7fc-6394b0653e14">Re: Headtable problem</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Headtable problem : Stage summed it up in a sense, but also he barely knows this cousin and was put on the spot to be a groomsman. All 3 of his younger brothers were also asked, and it seems pretty clear they're fishing to fill spaces to make the sides equal. The invite says "black tie optional" but when I asked if that meant I actually needed a black tie worthy gown (I'd do rent the runway) I was told to "not get anything too nice because I would get side-eyed for outshining the bride's family." So many eye rolls in one place. Not to mention, it's <strong>the effing weekend before FI's 2nd semester law school finals</strong>. It's entirely stupid. I told him to step down, but he doesn't feel like he can. He legit doesn't even talk to his cousin - all communication has been through the cousin's dad/FI's uncle. So yeah, we're not looking forward to the wedding, but I don't really think that matters to these folk.
Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]

This alone would be reason enough for me to drop out.

Is he a 1L, 2L or 3L?

emeejeeayen · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_headtable-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e286b932-7d17-4e63-8b83-6897ee9a6191Post:9700f93a-4a51-460a-92fa-4bb1739a5224">Re: Headtable problem</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Headtable problem : This alone would be reason enough for me to drop out. Is he a 1L, 2L or 3L?
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>1 effing L.</div><div>
</div><div>I flipped out when I found out.</div><div>
</div><div>His cousin basically called him out of the blue (they see each other MAYBE once a year and never really speak at those events) and asks him to be a groomsman. FI was so startled he just accepted, but then found out later that it was the weekend before his finals. He wanted to drop out but felt too guilty about it. </div><div>
</div><div>Now the cousin's dad (FI's uncle) keeps calling FI about tux plans, etc, which is beyond weird because if you are old enough to get married (and he is - he's 28), you're old enough to call your groomsmen yourself and make plans about attire. Or send a goddamn text. </div>

emeejeeayen · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_headtable-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e286b932-7d17-4e63-8b83-6897ee9a6191Post:365a0a5e-f420-4c9e-a758-8ec895a86e24">Re: Headtable problem</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's what you do. Ring him up. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but I've reevaluated my circumstances, and it isn't possible for me to be in your wedding party. It's law school final time, and my professor has asked me to do a specialy project. With the time demands for this, and the expenses, it's just not possible. I know you understand, and I wish you and Best Beloved all the best. We'll see you after the wedding." Then hang up, and send a nice gift. It's their bad if they get bent out of shape. How important are they to your lives together? Will it ruin your marriage?
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>It's more that it's his dad's brother's kid. FI's dad would probably be very upset. </div><div>
</div><div>But I'm totally on team-bail. FI just doesn't want to rock the boat with his family. It's fine, he's a smart guy, he'll be okay, but my real concerns are that this guy probably expects some kind of.... bachelor party? Rehearsal dinner? Etc? And FI can't make those events at all. FI says he doesn't care about not attending those, but I think he should make it crystal clear that he cannot just so no one gets their hopes up. Alas, it's his call. </div>

emilykathleen511 · February 2013

I sat with my husband, MOH and her date, and the two BM and their dates. Table of 8. Easy peasy. You could just sit at a regular round table with 6 other people (or just 4 other people if you just have one MOH and BM and their SOs or if you want to sit with your parents). PPs have given you a lot of ideas to go off of. Bottom line is don't split up couples.

lizap77 · February 2013

I'm obviously a newbie here, and glad I read this post. So if anyone in our bridal party brings a date basically, the head table is out? Neither FI or I like the idea of a sweetheart table, but between my six bridesmaids and his five groomsmen obviously a few will have dates and 2 have spouses and a kid. We can't fit everyone and their dates/families at the head table (it would look like a zoo!) so does that mean we're stuck with a sweetheart table?
I understand wanting to sit with the people you know, so I thought it would just be for the first little bit. I was planning on having one table be just for the dates so they could mingle, and have extra seats at that table for the bridal party to go hang out with them right after we eat. I figured sitting with the bride and groom was pretty common and almost assumed (kind of like, standing up with us as opposed to sitting with your date at the ceremony?).

emilykathleen511 · February 2013

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_headtable-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e286b932-7d17-4e63-8b83-6897ee9a6191Post:e3fe03c3-11fe-4a24-9be9-2c11605d737a">Re:
Headtable problem</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm obviously a newbie here, and glad I read
this post. So if anyone in our bridal party brings a date basically, the head
table is out? Neither FI or I like the idea of a sweetheart table, but between
my six bridesmaids and his five groomsmen obviously a few will have dates and 2
have spouses and a kid. We can't fit everyone and their dates/families at the
head table (it would look like a zoo!) so does that mean we're stuck with a
sweetheart table? I understand wanting to sit with the people you know, so
I thought it would just be for the first little bit. I was planning on
having one table be just for the dates so they could mingle, and have
extra seats at that table for the bridal party to go hang out with
them right after we eat. I figured sitting with the bride and groom was
pretty common and almost assumed (kind of like, standing up with us as opposed
to sitting with your date at the ceremony?).
Posted by
lizap77[/QUOTE]

The difference between the ceremony and the reception is
that the ceremony is for the couple, while the reception is for the guests.
There were a lot of suggestions above, but to answer your question, the bridal
party needs to sit with their SOs and children.</div>

wittykitty14 · February 2013

My fiancee and I have 5 attendants each. We have 2 sets of married couples in the party, so they'll both be up there, just not seated next to each other. 3 of my bridesmaids are in committed relationships, and their significant others may not come because of distance. But they'll be seated with guests that they know if they can make it. None of them have a problem with this. The other 3 groomsmen don't have girlfriends, and it's unlikely that they will have dates. That said, ALL of them, and their significant others, are completely fine with having the head table. They've told me that this is what they expect. I can definitely see why this would be considered rude, but it works for us and our party, so we're sticking to it. To each their own I guess. Don't worry about how it LOOKS, talk to the members of your party, see how they feel about it. Good luck!

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