OUT OF STATE BRIDESMAID

JozieDee · July 2012

how much is acceptable to put in the envelope?

my understanding is almost always cover the plate but i am an out of state bridesmaid and my expenses included: flight to bridal shower, shower gifts, dress, shoes, hair, mani/pedi, and now wedding flight. Not to mention, i am also saving my own wedding.

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_out-of-state-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:8cd618c4-dd96-4f91-8977-7ba03620d7a3Post:df35bfab-f6b0-4618-a9bc-f19c12e0c61a">OUT OF STATE BRIDESMAID</a>:
[QUOTE]how much is acceptable to put in the envelope? my understanding is almost always cover the plate but i am an out of state bridesmaid and my expenses included: flight to bridal shower, shower gifts, dress, shoes, hair, mani/pedi, and now wedding flight. Not to mention, i am also saving my own wedding.
Posted by JozieDee[/QUOTE]

What you can afford and not a penny more. The whole "cover your plate" is BS so don't pay attention to it. (fyi - you shouldn't have to pay for hair or a mani-pedi but that ship on bride rudeness has apparently sailed).

I was in a wedding in Ireland and did not get the couple a gift at all. It wasn't in my budget to even be able to afford the wedding but I managed it. There was no way to manage a gift also.

lyndausvi · July 2012

Give what you can afford. I was in an OOT-wedding once. I sent a gift a few months later when I could afford to give one.

Peekaboo69 · July 2012

I am only having one attendant at my wedding (my younger sister) and she lives very far away. I don't expect any gift from her, as I figure she's already using up her precious vacation time at work to come to my wedding. Her presence will be a terrific gift, in and of itself. I am also paying all of her wedding expenses, including her airfare.. I figure she should be inconvenienced as little as possible.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

Give what you can afford. You're already spending a lot on her wedding, so if all you can afford is a card, that's fine. As a PP said, you also have the option of mailing a gift later after the wedding if you want to.

RebeccaB88 · July 2012

"Cover your plate" is pure and simple BS, and greedy on the part of the bridal couple if they expect it. Give what you can afford and nothing else. If that's just a card from the dollar store, then so be it, and the couple cannot expect anything more.

I'd also tell the bride that she needs to pay for my hair and nails, or I would be doing them myself, if she's requiring those things.

zitiqueen · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_out-of-state-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8cd618c4-dd96-4f91-8977-7ba03620d7a3Post:df35bfab-f6b0-4618-a9bc-f19c12e0c61a">OUT OF STATE BRIDESMAID</a>:
[QUOTE]how much is acceptable to put in the envelope? my understanding is almost always cover the plate but i am an out of state bridesmaid and my expenses included: flight to bridal shower, shower gifts, dress, shoes, hair, mani/pedi, and now wedding flight. Not to mention, i am also saving my own wedding.
Posted by JozieDee[/QUOTE]

I've always wondered how one knows how much the plate is? Do they call the bride and ask?

Also, your attendance at the bridal shower is optional. It's not mandatory. I'd be telling the bride to get bent on that one, especially since it involves a flight.

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_out-of-state-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:8cd618c4-dd96-4f91-8977-7ba03620d7a3Post:c20f3974-a080-42ab-9897-b921662f1fce">Re: OUT OF STATE BRIDESMAID</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to OUT OF STATE BRIDESMAID : I've always wondered how one knows how much the plate is? Do they call the bride and ask? Also, your attendance at the bridal shower is optional. It's not mandatory. I'd be telling the bride to get bent on that one, especially since it involves a flight.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

Chances are the B&G and their families tell everyone they know how much the wedding is costing them

Simply Fated · July 2012

The "cover the cost of your plate" thing is used in my area/circle, but it's BS. I mean, it's absurd.

Give what you can afford and no more than that.

As far as how they know how much it costs per plate, for those curious, a simple google search answers that. And before google, it was never a secret how much an event costs somewhere. I mean, if you knew where the wedding was, you could guess how much it cost per plate. The venues on LI are pretty much the same, depending on what's included in your package and all that. And, yeah, I'm sure certain family members would have no problem passing the cost along through word of mouth. Again, it's absurd and I would never expect anyone who came to MY wedding to give a crap whether or not they "covered their plate." If that was the case, I'd have a cheap BBQ so everyone could afford to come. And, yes, it was expected that if you couldn't afford to "cover your plate" that you didn't attend. I repeat, it's absurd.

HandBanana · July 2012

My issue with covering your plate is why should I give you more money just because you decided your pp cost would be more?

I understand the sentiment of it but it is ridiculous. Give what you can.

emeejeeayen · July 2012

My wedding will be out of state for many of our bridesmaids and groomsmen. I would never expect them to all get us gifts when they're paying for flights, attire, etc. (Although, I'm also not doing traditional bridesmaid dresses so I feel less guilty, lol.)

Could you make her something meaningful? A photograph of you two with a heartfelt note on the back? Maybe in a cute frame?

SB1512 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_out-of-state-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8cd618c4-dd96-4f91-8977-7ba03620d7a3Post:c20f3974-a080-42ab-9897-b921662f1fce">Re: OUT OF STATE BRIDESMAID</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to OUT OF STATE BRIDESMAID : I've always wondered how one knows how much the plate is? Do they call the bride and ask? Also, your attendance at the bridal shower is optional. It's not mandatory. I'd be telling the bride to get bent on that one, especially since it involves a flight.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

Some venues list their pricing right on their website. So, if a person really was trying to cover their plate they might be able to find out easily how much the B&G are spending per person.

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