FMIL crossed the line- unforgiveable

leahandwil · July 2012

Hi Ladies, (sorry its long!)

I have posted on here before about issues regarding my FMIL and it has pretty much just gotten worse lately.

so here is the DL: My FI proposed in December and we are getting married in October in Las Vegas, (we wanted a pretty small wedding with close family and friends only) the DAY that she found out that we were engaged, she threw a fit because all of his family members wouldn't be able to make it to the wedding (most of them weren't going to be invited anyway bc we aren't close with them). She has had a problem with every choice that we have made and has constantly "created" wedding-related issues. I finally gave up on her and her drama about 3 months ago and stopped speaking to her all together (I tried reasoning with her many times before I stopped talking to her, even tried to give her a mother of the groom gift and didnt get a thank you or hear a word about it from her) BTW- his family is not paying for any part of our wedding, my parents are paying for everything, even the rehearsal dinner and any showers.

So.. here is what happened that really REALLY hurt me and its something that I just don't think ill be able to get over, She is a member of a online message board that I accidentally came across on google while doing some research about Vegas destination wedding drama.. while reading this message board it occurred to me that this woman was talking about our exact situation.. turns out it was my FMIL, she had created an entire thread about me titled "bridezilla" and she didn't hold back, turns she absolutely HATES me (which pissed me off because she acts so fake towards me around her family) there was over 300 posts about me on this message board.. apparently she is praying that we do not have children because "WHEN they get a divorce I don't want to have to go through a custody battle" and she has given out my personal information to her online message board friends such as... my FB page, where I work, where i go to school, AND gave out all of my parents info too! she also gave all of our wedding details out just incase any of her online friends feel like showing up and "crashing a Vegas wedding" she also said that she is bringing a group of uninvited people (a distant group of family members) to the wedding and she "doesn't care what we have to say about it) There was SO MANY more horrible things and LIES after LIES she posted about me but this is already getting too long so Ill leave it out.

I haven't confronted her about this yet (I havent spoken to her in 3 months) and I am not really sure how to go about it, for the past 7 months she has tried to make my life a living hell, my parents are having to hire security for the wedding reception just so people cant crash it now. All of this is making me pretty upset and I feel so bad for my parents because they are so happy for us and spending a ton of money on this wedding, while his mother & father are just trying to make it a miserable experience. I don't understand why a mother would want to do this to her own son?? I think by far the most hurtful thing so far was the fact that she doesnt want me to be the mother of her son's future children, and that she doesnt believe that we will stay married.

I want to badly to just put her in her place and tell her off for all of the horrible things she has said about me.. I want myself, my future husband, and our future children to have nothing to do with this woman. but maybe I just care about what she thinks too much, its hard not to

I wish the rest of her family members knew all of the horrible things she said about myself & her son. But I feel like if I "outed" her then I would be just as low as her.

any thoughts on how to handle this situation? would it be wrong for me to bring up the posts I found to her, privacy wise? (I mean, she did post them on a public site. And I wouldn't care if she read these posts that I make about her)

sorry for the long post! thanks for reading

anna.oskar · July 2012

What does your FI say about this? Has he spoken to his mother at all?

JessAndTrav · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fmil-crossed-the-line-unforgiveable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d6a8376e-343a-4135-9423-21808ccced33Post:fd81a3ba-2da0-4c4a-8593-b5e89ec6748e">Re: FMIL crossed the line- unforgiveable</a>:
[QUOTE]What does your FI say about this? Has he spoken to his mother at all?
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

I'm curious about this as well.

I would consider printing up what was said when you're talking to your FI about it. You want him to be able to see what you read and know that you aren't exaggerating it.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I would be hurt too.

leahandwil · July 2012

I did print them out and I showed her posts to him, he was very upset by what she said and I think he wants to confront her about them.

I found the posts while looking up Vegas destination wedding etiquette message boards and family drama about destination weddings.. it all came up under the discussions tab on google so I am assuming its all public.

I guess I just feel like.. if she doesnt approve of her sons choices and his choice of a spouse AND she is already wishing divorce upon us then she probably shouldn't go to the wedding to act fake the entire time when I now know how she actually feels about us... right?

Also, I cant really say that I regret finding them because she had shared her plans about sabotaging the wedding.. so good luck to her with having that plan of hers go through now

JessAndTrav · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fmil-crossed-the-line-unforgiveable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d6a8376e-343a-4135-9423-21808ccced33Post:ef182691-9271-4b50-80f0-e32a467c1da0">Re: FMIL crossed the line- unforgiveable</a>:
[QUOTE]I did print them out and I showed her posts to him, he was very upset by what she said and I think he wants to confront her about them. I found the posts while looking up vegas destination wedding etiquette message boards and family drama about destination weddings.. it all came up under the discussions tab on google so I am assuming its all public.<strong> I guess I just feel like.. if she doesnt approve of her sons choices and his choice of a spouse AND she is already wishing divorce upon us then she probably shouldnt go to the wedding to act fake the entire time when I now know how she actually feels about us... right?</strong>
Posted by leahandwil[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't blame you.

leahandwil · July 2012

this was a different thing, when I found out she called me a bridezilla the first time on her blog I kind of let it go and didnt mention that to her, but this board had all of my info on it and she totally took it too far, she literally hates me and I didnt know it until I read this stuff.

there isnt really much more to the story other than what I posted. I am in no way trying to say that I am perfect or better than her, it just gets under my skin that she can hate me so much and say all these horrible things about me, yet will act totally different when I am actually around her.

leahandwil · July 2012

Well, lets just say I probably have quite a few haters now haha oh well, I dont know any of them personally so I guess its not a huge deal. they backed her up for the most part from what I did see, I kind of stopped reading after awhile. I didnt so much care about what they posted, it was just more of the things that she said about future kids that hit where it hurt. We have been together for a really long time.. so I kind of assumed she would have figured out by now that Im not going anywhere and that we will have a family one day.

daffydillie · July 2012

did anyone end up finding these message boards? Perhaps reporting your personal information on the site might be a good idea.

Simply Fated · July 2012

If you're concerned about the personal information, report the issue to an administrator and request the info removed. Honestly? I'm not a dramatic person, but I'd see if my FI would be willing to email your FMIL with the link to her thread and other posts. Nothing else, just the links.

lindsaynewbride10 · July 2012

Wow- I would be absolutely heartbroken if my MIL had done something like this. My advice would be to let your FI handle this. This is far beyond anything that the two of you (you and your FMIL) could handle in a conversation. He needs to address this with her. And I certainly hope he lets her know that this behavior will not be tolerated if she wants anything to do with him or his children in the future.

What pathetic and desperate behavior for a "mature" woman.

chelseamb11 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fmil-crossed-the-line-unforgiveable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:d6a8376e-343a-4135-9423-21808ccced33Post:83a9dc00-9677-4b0d-8895-34c0d56858e7">Re:FMIL crossed the line unforgiveable</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>If you're concerned about the personal information, report the issue to an administrator and request the info removed.</strong> Honestly? I'm not a dramatic person, but I'd see if my FI would be willing to email your FMIL with the link to her thread and other posts. Nothing else, just the links.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

I agree. I find it strange (and maybe I'm just used to TK) that any forum would allow such personal information out there without it being deleted.

She sounds like she has a lot of issues, but I agree that your FI needs to sit down with her and talk to her about it.

ElleB87 · July 2012

I would contact an attorney and the local authorities to find out how you can get yours and your parents' personal info removed from that site and I would find out if what your FMIL did is considered harassment. I definitely think your parents are smart for hiring security. I definitely agree with you that what she has done is unforgivable. Wow.

BulgariHeart · July 2012

Sorry to barge in on your board... I just wanted to add that I agree with everyone else as far as measures to take but since it was your and your parents' personal information that this woman illegitimately shared online (no less!), I wouldn't blame you if you were to confront her yourself. I'm really sorry this happened to you, seems like you need to deal with it head on though 'cause it's pretty atrocious. Good luck to you!

NuggetBrain · July 2012

I would be ripsh*t pissed, and I would fully expect that Noodle call his mom out on that ish. Completely unacceptable. And freaking psycho too. He needs to give her print outs (so she can't go back and delete everything and then accuse you of lying) and tell her to either cut her sh*t out, or she can keep her ass at home come Vegas time and she will not be seeing those grandchild she's already planning the custody battle for.

leahandwil · July 2012

Thanks guys for the advice

sharing my personal info was one thing.. But when she shared my parents fb pages, their names, and work places.. That seriously pissed me off! Such a jelous move! I'm going to show her the print outs of her posts and she what she has to say to my face

leahkate · July 2012

In the meantime, post the links here please. I suck at Googling apparently.

mmmendi · July 2012

I had security at my first wedding. It happens

I would make sure you know where FI stands and how he is going to handle it. Them let him handle it. Wash your hands and walk away. If he chooses not to back you, or not to address it, wash your hands and walk further away.

FMIL crossed the line- unforgiveable

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