destination, regular or both??

brennan1331 · January 2012

I always wanted to do a destination wedding but I also want to have a regular wedding at home. I was thinking about doing a destination wedding that would be more intimate that would only include my close family and then coming back and having a regular wedding. What is everyone's thoughts?

brennan1331 · January 2012

I'm torn in between because I hear from others that are married that they wish they had a destination wedding, but I don't want to expect my bridal party to pay that much money to go somewhere.

ginadog · January 2012

Yes, that is a good idea to probably consider your guests and your bridal party if you do choose a destination wedding. You can also opt NOT to do a bridal party - then they can cut out that bridesmaids expense. We are not having a bridal party.

What would appeal to you most about having a DW (destination wedding)?

We are having a DW in Jackson Hole only because of logistics. We are not actually related to ANYONE in our entire time zone. Even if we had the wedding in our back yard, it's still a 15 hour drive or 3 hour plane ride MINIMUM for every guests (not many locals are being invited).

So if they all have to travel, we picked Jackson Hole because we're only 4 hours away and it'll be a vacation for everyone.

But the PP is right, you cannot redo a wedding. Some ladies who have DW have an AHR (at home reception) in their hometown when they return, but they do not redo any wedding stuff.

HobokensFury · January 2012

At first I wanted a DW and started looking into it. Ultimately we decided that we couldn't ask our family and friends to spend all that money to come to OUR wedding. I know some people wouldn't have come but neither one of our moms could afford it but both would sacrifice so they could because missing the wedding wouldn't be an option for them. You only get 1 wedding- decide which you want.

calliopeia2013 · January 2012

While you can't have two weddings, it is okay to have a small DW, and then have a bigger party to celebrate when you return. Just don't pretend to be getting married again when you're already married.

Why do people say they wish they had a destination wedding? And why do you want one? I want to get married with all my loved ones around me and the location doesn't really matter at all, but I would understand wanting to have a DW if you WANTED to get away from family. Or, I guess, if there were a specific destination that was really super meaningful to you. I've just never really gotten the point of trying to combine the idea of a wedding and the idea of a vacation- they're two concepts that don't really mesh well for me.

brennan1331 · January 2012

Thanks for the input!! Would it be weird to have a DW without the bridal party and then have a reception back home and include a bridal party? I want to do a DW because it's more intimate and I never wanted a church ceremony and always wanted to be married on the beach and living in WI, they just aren't as beautiful up here! Also my family loves going on vacation so they are all for it!

HuckSC · January 2012

How do you have a bridal party at a reception? Their role in the wedding is during the actual ceremony so they get to buy the same dress just so you can call them bridesmaids at the reception?

Just throw a big party when you get back from the wedding and invite everyone you would have if it had been in your hometown. Skip the bridesmaids and first dance. Think of the "reception" more as a celebration of our marraige.

redheadfsu · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_destination-regular?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:801f4f40-913c-43b7-ba06-34f840cc853aPost:ddd5b585-5007-497d-9512-03fce01529dd">Re: destination, regular or both??</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the input!! Would it be weird to have a DW without the bridal party and then have a reception back home and include a bridal party? I want to do a DW because it's more intimate and I never wanted a church ceremony and always wanted to be married on the beach and living in WI, they just aren't as beautiful up here! Also my family loves going on vacation so they are all for it!
Posted by brennan1331[/QUOTE]

The bridal party must be in the wedding ceremony (which would be the ceremony that makes you married) so you can't have a DW and then later have a bridal party at a later party.

I hope you understand you can only have one wedding (ceremony). The at home reception is just a party, not a wedding. Thus a bridal party for the at home reception is not proper and honestly is mean to to the bridal party (that they have to pay for attire and stuff , but they aren't really the bridal party because they aren't involved in the wedding ceremony).

calliopeia2013 · January 2012

Agree with PPs- you can't have a bridal party just for the reception- bridal party is a role that's about the ceremony, not what happens afterward. Certainly, missing out on a big bridal party is one consideration to take into account when choosing a DW. A celebratory party when you get back home is also typically much more casual than a wedding reception- you can't, for instance, wear your gown to the party (though I guess you could wear a white sundress or something like that).

Based on those reasons for wanting a DW, though, I say go for it IF you're really sure that it's not a financial hardship for any of the people you want to come. (I love vacations, but it would be a financial hardship to attend a DW right now, for instance. It's not just about money; it's about time off work and stuff like that too.)

What's important to remember, as PPs have said, is that you get one actual wedding. You can celebrate with your friends and family later, but it's tacky to make it seem like that celebration is another wedding. It's not- you don't get bridesmaids or another gown or anything like that; you get a party.

francienyc · January 2012

I had something of the same issue. I'm from NYC but my fiance is British, and of course the question was where to have the wedding. We decided ultimately on England, as their traditions are much less expensive and they have amazing venues. So for me, it's the charm of a destination wedding, although for him it's just a wedding in the town where he grew up.

But of course, that means a lot of my family and friends won't be able to attend since flights are not cheap. To celebrate with them, we're going to have a low key reception--rent out a cool bar and serve some finger food and get a dj. Not the full works, but something nice to celebrate. Plus, it will be great to wear my dress twice!

In my personal opinion, two full scale weddings might be too much, but you could do something small closer to home.

goodine11 · January 2012

If you want a destination wedding do destination. I am having a destination wedding on June 21.2012. What I have found is that you have to be legally married in the states. It is easier to make it legal. My FI and I are having the legal ceremony with the pastor who is marrying us there. The only people coming to the legel meeting is our parents. The symbolic is what everyone is coming too in Domincan Republic. Those that can come will those that won't. Have a reception home for them to see picutres/ wedding video and celebrate. Destination is a lot easier to deal with. Once you now where you going you pick what you want and that is it. I don't have half of the dilemas as the brides that are getting married in the states. And most of those that are married have said they wish they did destination.

Just be prepared that some folks wont come.

ReyesToy · January 2012

Hi! I'm from Milwaukee but I live in Arizona now. My family is still in Milwaukee. We are having a semi-destination wedding in Sedona, AZ. It's 2hr driving distance for my fiance's family (Phoenix) but they would still need hotels unless they want to drive home late. My family from MKE are going to fly but it's not as expensive and won't take as much time as flying out to Hawaii or out of the country.

Would you consider a semi-destination wedding to like Door County? It's pretty there and you'd be close to a large body of water...i'm sure they'd have a "beach" there...but at least your family and friends can just drive up.

I just attended a DW in Hawaii in July. It was beautiful and the couple had a great time. The bride had 2 bridesmaids. Both of their families were VERY small and didn't mind traveling. They had an informal gathering (bbq at a park) when they got home for other friends and co-workers. They said they wouldn't have done it any other way.

destination, regular or both??

Re: destination, regular or both??

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