Hi

Re: Hi

• jagore08 member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hi-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:533356c6-54dd-4dc4-a086-ac9b99e7ca4fPost:14500bab-4bc1-4f75-bf06-950b1b3e435f">Hi</a>:
  [QUOTE]I've been engaged for about 2 months now, and I've been planning since then. I've been in a alot  of weddings myself as a bridesmaid and MOH, I'm the last to get married of my friends ( I'm 32 going on 33 -in July ) Most of my friends got married before they turned 30 and have been married from anywhere to a year up to 3 years now. My fiance is only asking 4 of his friends to be in his party, which is great so I've decided to have four of my friends, granted I've been in alot of weddings. I've asked two of my good friends, friends I've known longer like anywhere from 5 to 15 years and they both said  "no", now I know its up to them to decided whether they want to be a bridesmaid, but at the same time I feel disrespected. I was part of there big day, went to meet vendors, went to all bridal shows, dress shopping etc and I really thought that they'd be there for me to stand by me  on my big day. I'm really upset and I've been crying since I asked them which was last weekend. What do I do now? Who else do I ask?? Should I ask anyone else?? Help!!  
  Posted by bnelson79[/QUOTE]
  Your wedding is still far enough away to wait a few months before asking anyone else to be in your WP.  You don't need to have four BM to match your FIs side.  Ask who you want.  If they say no then they say no.  <div>
  </div><div>For the two you already asked and said no, they might just be at a different point in their lives than you were when they got married.  Just tell them that you're sorry they won't be able to be a part of your WP but you can't wait to see them as guests at your wedding.</div><div>
  </div><div>Also, when you were their BM it was nice that you went to vendor appointments and bride shows with them but don't expect them to do that for you.  If they want to they can.  If you don't expect it from them it won't be a disappointment when they don't want to tag along.  If they do want to go with you then it's a bonus.</div>

  Ignorance is a poor defense.

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• ncgirl1987 member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hi-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:533356c6-54dd-4dc4-a086-ac9b99e7ca4fPost:ce70ecea-76c6-4346-b158-39d8b86a64c7">Re: Hi</a>:
  [QUOTE]First of all, welcome and congratulations on your engagement! Did your two friends mention why they said no?  They could have any number of reasons -- really valid reasons -- why they turned you down. In my 20s, I thought being a bridesmaid was great fun and an honor.  I was young and single, and there were usually some cute single groomsmen to meet.  Since I had a great job and nobody to support but myself, it was no big deal to spend money on a dress I'd never wear again, dyed to match shoes (in those days it was customary to wear matching shoes, and pay for them, even if they were horribly uncomfortable), a shower, a bachelorette party, possibly travel and hotel, and whatever else was involved. In my 30s, it became less and less fun to be a bridesmaid, and I no longer felt honored to be asked.  There might still be some cute groomsmen, but they were likely to be married.  Since I was single and had a good income, it seemed that I always ended up paying far more than my fair share of shower and bachelorette expenses (by that time, more of the bridesmaids were married, had babies and had a harder time with the bridesmaid expenses).  I'd been burned a few times as a bridesmaid -- one old friend from high school, whom I had not heard from in over a decade, called me out of the blue and asked me to be a bridesmaid.  I didn't want to do it because we were no longer close, but I was too chicken to tell her that.  Instead, I said that I couldn't be in her wedding because I couldn't afford it.  I know that you know where this is going...the bride said she was paying for all the dresses.  I was kind of trapped but figured that if she was paying for the dress, I could suck it up and be a bridesmaid.  Yeah.  She never paid me back for the dress (naturally, when we went to try on and order dresses, she didn't have her credit card with her, so I had to pay). I was 34 or 35 when I finally issued a moratorium on being in weddings.  I told my remaining single friends, as a preemptive strike, that if they ever got married, I didn't want them to ask me to be a bridesmaid.  I told them all that I love them dearly and wouldn't miss their weddings for the world, but that my bridesmaid days were over.  My final experience as a bridesmaid was a friendship-ending disaster, and I wasn't having any more of it.  I was pleasantly surprised to hear that my single, thirtyish friends felt exactly the same way I did. None of them ever wanted to be a bridesmaid again, either. I think it's just natural to get to a point in life where you just don't squeeeee over other people's weddings any more, would rather have a root canal than wear a dress you can't stand, and can't afford the expenses that come with being a bridesmaid.  You reach a stage of adulthood where you have a mortgage and other debts, maybe small children that wear you out, and a husband who will give you a hard time about spending money to be a bridesmaid because he'd rather spend it on a new lawnmower. Please don't put yourself through all this emotional distress.  It's very likely that your friends just don't want to be a bridesmaid for anyone, not just you.
  Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]
  
  I don't think this is really fair. Just because someone doesn't get married until they are older, they shouldn't have all the experiences their friends had? They shouldn't get the same excitment they gave to their friends? Of course if someone has a good reason for not being able to be a bridesmaid I would understand - babies, money, etc. certainly can have an impact on being able to be a bridesmaid - but just saying no because you've done it before and it's become 'less fun' would hurt my feelings. And saying it's no longer an honor to be asked? It should always be an honor if a good friend asks you to take a special role in their wedding day. I'm sorry you had a terrible experience with an old and distant friend suckering you into being in her wedding, but that doesn't mean you have to put your foot down on being a bridesmaid for ANYONE else.
  
  OP - I would suggest talking to the girls that turned you down and try to find out what is holding them back. If it's financial, figure out something that can work for everyone. If it's something else, try and work through it (if you really want them in your wedding). Otherwise, do what works for you. There is no rule that you HAVE to have equal numbers of bridesmaids and groomsmen. The important thing is you have people up there with you that are supportive and happy for you!

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